Like a sugar high, it went craassshhhing down!
February 28, 2011
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Hey everyone, it’s me again. How are we doing? I’m doing pretty good. Still hanging, but it’s kind of bumpy as of recently. But I really do miss blogging from time to time. I mean, once a week doesn’t seem to benefit me in terms of relief of the chest area region. Probably should remove that weight off there just to breath easier? Yeah, not even a paragraph in and I’m already off topic. Attention span is none today it seems. I guess staying the course would help me more than getting up and considering what I should let go.
Over the last few days, my head seems to hit a dark cloud of emotion. It’s so unusual since my mental state has levelled off because of the prescription, but now I’m kind of in that place that I don’t want to go back to but it feels like a place I shouldn’t leave. Mood is somewhat like a satisfied state like I completed something to validate my self worth, but I also feel like whatever I did makes me a pathetic nobody to walk the Earth (and this is even when I’m not doing anything). Like I would open my mouth then regret everything I said and did. Though the last few days got me into writing poetry and a small film idea. However only one shall pass, poetry. I think I’m averaging two small poems every session. I’ve been reading some of my old stuff and it was very good at times.What happened? Did I die somewhere and this is my afterlife? If so, I would be freaked out and wanting to get out of purgatory. That’s where I think I would good if anything existed in terms of a spiritual afterlife. Not really bad or good, not very rewarding or punishing; it’s the place where you spend your afterlife in limbo. So this is slowly picking up pace. I’m getting some neurons firing and before long, a short story will appear. Speaking of writing, something interesting is about to go down. For the second time in my life, my pen’s going to run out of ink. Some reason when that happens, I get excited since I usually lose it or lend it to someone and never see it again. So yeah, pretty stoked for something so small.
I think the biggest change is the vitamins I bought because now my body metabolises the pills like nothing so I get a normal feeling and then crash quickly right after and feel all dull and boring. Though after awhile it kind of balances out a bit. My general mood seems to be a bit better than I was in high school. I’m not going to beat this, it would be impossible. However coping is as close as I would get though, but it’s hard to really run from this. I’ve tried, doesn’t work. Though I think my sister still denying that I really have a problem, I regret telling her. By about my medication, the worst part is the day between my intakes like today. Like I just don’t feel so good getting out of bed and the day after I just don’t get up. Probably on top of my insomnia and video games wouldn’t help my situation. I should cut back; video games, food and everything else that gives me a euphoric feel.
Well, time to hit the hay at lunch again. Later, WordPress!