nawkcire

Games, Tech and Blogging…I can't guarantee in that order.

Closing In Time

I can’t help myself when it comes to talking about my gaming channel at the moment. As I’m writing this post, I have been continually uploading video as often as I can for the past week. At the same time, I have been playing The Long Dark as expediently as I can for a gamer.

Stuff is in meatspace has been ramping up to the upcoming few weeks. I was worrying about if I can send out 4-5 videos a week. At the moment, I have enough for the upcoming week or two. As of new content, I think I will do what I can when I have time to record and edit. Unfortunately editing and recording for the next few weeks will not happen on the same day since I need some time to myself to do real life things. As mysterious as it sounds – trust me, it’s very mundane but private. Not to worry, I have a feeling the second half of March, I will have some time dedicated to video games and Let’s Play videos. If not, I will be hoping for a schedule I’ve have enjoyed for the last couple months.

I guess it’s one thing I’m lacking, besides motivation – time. Time for me seems to escape me quickly than others who perceive time. In all the time there is, I can never seem to get everything I want to get done. Looking at other people, they seem more productive. They do more than me and get a lot done, then there is me. I can hardly keep a hobby, a job and a lifestyle together yet people my age seem to have all this down. As fragmented my life may be, I want to keep it all together and do more of it. However, time escapes me and something loses out. There are 24 hours in a day, yet I can’t juggle sleep and everything I want to do in a single day. I know video games has been a big part of my life and I still want it to be. I do want something worth pursuing in the realm of reality beyond the screen. I still haven’t found what I want to do; even armed with much advice from others, I still have not landed into somewhere I want to be. Time; some people say, “You have all the time in the world”. I say, “nope.avi”. You don’t have all the time in the world, you never gain but only lose time. Time is constant and we only have the time between birth and death to leave a legacy of our existence. We only have so much time in this world before we cease to exist as a sentient entity. Regardless how you spend it, I think a life well spent is a life well spent living.

Time is what we make of it and the moments we do within them. We can gauge it’s distance but regardless, we see time from one point of view travelling in one direction. Until next time; much like a train, this one only has one ultimate destination and it’s up to you to enjoy the ride.

Generically Made In China

This week I’m having a string a bad luck, more than usual considering how my luck has been over the last few years. When the world throws so much at same time, it does feel these events have created a rough moment. Hopefully if I catalogue it all, I would feel better about it. If not, I hope someone out there can comfort me and let me know.

Starting with the start of this week. I always check my calendar for holidays. Since my family home doesn’t have TV, I rely on my Google account for a lot of things that may seem trivial. So on my calendar it said it was “Family Day”. In Canada, it’s a statutory holiday in early February as a way to let people spend time with friends and family. With each holiday celebrating on certain days, names and setting the date, this is where it gets tricky. The Family Day listed for this week was for the folks in British Columbia and I live in the place that is not British Columbia. When I went to work the next day, I was confused when my co-workers asked where I was yesterday. I sure got a talking to when I realized a missed a day of work. I was indeed furious since at the moment I cannot be wrong. Working at the moment is important for me; priority one: work butt off since I need the money to do things. Missing a day could mean less for me some day in the future. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing at all.

On the Wednesday, I started to do some housekeeping. Okay not necessarily housekeeping (Though I should do some of that as well), but I had paperwork I have to do on a monthly. So when I was done printing and filing, I had to head out to the post office. I realized it’s time to file for taxes. Not sure where you folks are but here in Canada, we have to report our T4 slips. T4’s is a document form your employer that indicates to the government you work there and you have paid towards certain social services and made contributions to these programs. So for me to receive my T4, I have to be at work; which I missed. You can say I can drop into work next week; I say to that, “Family Day”. Yup, the stat holiday I thought happened this week is next week so I won’t be able to receive my slip until two weeks time. Which sucks because after my troubling times in high school, I like to try and stay on top of my paperwork as much as I can before it all stacks on me.

To top it off, my generically built AC adaptor for my laptop has finally bust. After being slid, dropped, overheated, abused, misused and mistreated over the years I’ve had it, it’s finally unable to do what it’s suppose to be designed to do. For the price at the time, it was a steal. However now, I have a couple choices. First being to replace the damaged part which is stretched and torn, it could set me back half the price of a dodgy charger. Second option would be to buy something new and probably more reliable than something that came from China in a brown box. She’s an old laptop, I’m not giving up on her because she’s old and battered.

While looking into replacement parts, I decided to Google for PC builders. And for under $1000, I could potentially get a computer that can outpace my computer right now. However the problem is my mentality of keeping everything until it breaks. At the moment as I look at my 8 year old PC, she’s stilling going strong. She might make some noises that worry me, but she’s holding on. I can run all the games I like on her. Only downfall is size and quality. If I had a better GPU (Graphics Processing Unit), I would record my gameplay on a higher quality. A better GPU I think would require a better motherboard, which means a whole new CPU. So for the price of half of my computer’s value, I could get one that’s either on par or way better for years to come. However this is where I draw the line. I don’t have enough money to save up and anything I’m saving now is going toward hopefully moving out someday. In the end I know I’m going to need more than just this job at the moment to keep me on track.

Laying in all my current frustrations, I’m not quite sure what to make of all of this. If this is nothing, then it will pass. In this mood, I feel anger, sadness and melodrama; I need another voice besides my own to sort me out. Until next time, sort me out.

Spitter, People and Me

Once again in this city, I’m mildly disgusted at people in my city. Of course living in a diverse society brings in a lot of personalities and culture. Regardless of the shameless promoting of equality, positives always has negatives. This is no exception. This week, I have beef. This week, this is my rant.

Starting off with a small story about what happened the other day, I was outside in the brisk winter evening shopping. As a guy, I normally go shop to shop without asking questions of browsing for long durations. Walk in downtown is hectic as it is with people weaving in and out. Makes it worse when people can’t decide whether to walk past the left or the right of you and you two are shuffling side to side. To me it’s personally simple; this task, take the right side since oncoming traffic is usually to the left of you. Doesn’t matter which side of the street you’re on, move to the right!

This wasn’t even the worst offence. Of course downtown is the pubs and clubs, the parties and bars. I can understand when a place is occupied there are folks standing outside waiting on a table or having a smoke break. But you have to understand what a sidewalk means. “Sidewalk” as in a siding on a road for pedestrian locomotion. It’s not a damn private patio. You can loiter all you want but make some space. I’m trying to walk here and you are standing there. Just standing there like it was nothing. It’s public infrastructure and you’re impeding it. If you want to stand, step aside and make room.

Oh I’m far from done! We’re getting to the best part. So I’m walking down the street… I’m going to be as sudden as this buttwipe; I got spat on. First time in my life I’ve been spat on. This 5’8 douche didn’t have the courtesy to say sorry or turn his head as he sauntered towards me. Luckily, his saliva didn’t land anywhere near me; but you should’ve seen this guy’s aim. This guy’s aim was terrible it, he could’ve been the stormtrooper of spitting. If you know you can’t aim, like me, this is what I do. I step aside and spit into there gutter and not at someone on a crowded street. Seriously, that could’ve been assault and probably a hate crime. I would’ve been so pissed if that landed on me. First off, I wouldn’t think; I would just create a scene and likely knee him in the gonads before I start wailing on him. Seriously man, you are a tall ass man. Tilt your damn head and spit off to the side rather than towards people, you damn filthy animal.

It’s 2015, I’m starting to think being polite and well-mannered is something more of an afterthought. Maybe perhaps a bit of etiquette is a bit too much to even consider. Perhaps I should start peeing in front of crowds and obviously eat with my mouth open. While I’m at it, I won’t say excuse me when I fart or belch. What a world we live indeed, where no one has the pleasantries or consideration of others. It’s either this generation is losing out the most important lesson anyone can learn or no one bothers to care.

Either case until next time readers, I will never give up. Hopefully you won’t give up too. 

Inspiring Turn of Events

So yesterday as I was working on my Starbound Hardcore, I had a long winded talk about a subject for a span of 2 or 3 episodes. Listening back to the discussion, it’s a constant reminder of how I operate as a person. When I’m motivated and dedicated, I could talk about the subject; more so compared to off-the-cuff discussions.

I realized also recently, I’ve been watching a lot of airsoft videos again. I’m not quite sure if I should pick it up as a hobby. The reason behind it is the initial cost and availability where I live. I have done the reading and a bit of research in the past, but I think what’s stopping me is where to play and where to buy and store my equipment. Assuming I do have the equipment and based on what I watch on YouTube, I think I would prefer the milsim (military simulation) games which isn’t viable within a large city like mine. For me to transport this equipment, it would cost a lot from home to field since most milsim games seem to occur about a 2 hour drive away from my city. Along with milsim games, I do like the team aspect of these games which also brings us to the next point; meeting people. The question is not just meeting new people but how to meet up with these team organizers and finding the right team for me. Personal preference I would prefer a team closely aligned to my values and ethics to what a team is and a local team for meet ups to work closely with them. From my perspective a team should be able to work together regardless of skill. Skill is what it takes to survive but teamwork keeps the group together. That is a blog post for another time. In the moment and at this time, I am interested in playing airsoft but I feel I need to be under someone’s wing and guide me through it.

For now and until next time, I can just keep dreaming.

Re: Your First (Videogame) Love

Response to aander14’s blog post here.

For me, I had bunch of small moments that fell in the right place. For me when I started playing video game, I wasn’t much of an enthusiast. My parents were fairly strict and (Dare I say) somewhat backwards when it comes to new technology. Here’s the list of firsts that got me into playing video games.

The first time I ever met the digital world was probably in school when I was a kid. That’s when schools started to teach kids about graphic design and how to draw stuff on computers. The first computer I remember using was a Macintosh, I’m talking the years before the iMac went on the market and every school in my district pretty much had something from the late 80’s. Most distinctive piece of software was the paint program for it where you use dynamite to “blow up” your creations. Later as each classroom got it’s own computer, the district went forward with getting PC’s. Before the Apple computers were phased out of the computer lab, I remember playing Battle Chess or a variant of it. Until my parents finally got an SNES, this so happens to be the first exposure to video games in my entire life.

Then I got the SNES, or Super Nintendo for those who are a tad young and asking “what’s a SNES?” Remember how my parents were so strict on me playing video games? They were probably the epitome of tiger parents before the term even came around as “tiger parenting”. So essentially when they got me the SNES, they thought I was too young to have it and too young to do anything besides go to school and get good grades. My sibling on the other hand turned the argument around and got us the SNES. First game we got was Super Mario All Stars and at the time even with my parents putting money to this game console, the would hardly let us play it until we were done our homework or we had nothing else to do. After awhile, our library to include Super Mario World and Gladius II which was given to use by relatives. Later on in grade school, I met other people who owned the Playstation and the N64. At the time, the PS had GTA but I never touched it until a buddy of mine at the time got it and told me to try it. I mostly stayed on their N64 and my SNES. First exposure with platformers aside, I got into cinematic cutscenes and gun play of Perfect Dark. I got deep into the singleplayer and enjoyed the split screen, big head cheat fun of of PD.

The same buddy that got Perfect Dark got Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and they let me play it. That was when everything just click. I liked sandbox, violence and open world games. Even to this day, these are the tenets of video games I like especially when it’s not overly exaggerated and just allows some escape from reality. As I got older, my parents seemed to relax a little and got me the Game Boy Advance and some games for it. For the most part, I stuck to Mario Kart for the GBA and Pokemon Red. By this time I was coming up to my teen years and I was fairly entertained through cartoon violence. So Mario and friends later got boring to me, lacking the things I want in games. I laid fairly dormant with my GBA until I was around 13 when I finally got my first PC.

Growing up in lower middle class, my parents couldn’t afford what I wanted in a PC so I got something a bit low brow. More attuned to a workstation than a gaming rig, I got this 512 MB with 40 GB computer running the last Intel Pentium ever created. This was my gateway to the world. To top it off my parents let the world wide web into the house with DSL and that’s when everything starting to ramp up for myself when I played the many games I soon to find to be everywhere. Firs it started with browser games that are precursors to Facebook games. Then I got a collection of pirated games from my sibling when they moved away for university; but mostly I remember Mechwarrior 3. By this time, my life starting to go downhill. In my child-like mind, the world didn’t seem as beautiful and carefree. As I entered high school, I already accumulated a lot of time into my first MMO, Kal Online which was a Korean MMO taken place in Korean lore. I got as far as I could in the game but in the end at level 25-ish, I gave up after feeling the grind of the game. Of course I moved on; Silkroad Online, WarRock, and Cabal comes to mind. Perhaps there a dozens I’ve played and forgotten. After my first PC finally gave, I got a new PC and continued playing. First on the roster if memory serves was NavyField which was a Korean MMO naval arena. Of course the game has been updated many times over the years; when I remembered it, the game only had 4 nations (US, GB, Germany and Japan). This second PC lasted me a good while and I even tried to go off gaming to pursue increasing my grades. With all my efforts and looking back on it, it was indeed a futile effort and regardless of any scientific study; it didn’t change my grades, I was still the below average student since grade school. Fondest memory was the closest time I went into Major League Gaming; yes that’s right, I was close to MLG material at the ripe age of 15/16. At the time, I was playing America’s Army with a clan I was in trying to get a team together into MLG. In short, the power went out and I lost my shot at a small pot of cash at a small growing gaming tournament league. I believe the cash prize was about $14-18 grand USD per person. In it’s finality of it continuing to this day, my parents view of video games is damning. Video games is a form of entertainment and not a business you can get into, so they say. Yet I could’ve been the coolest kid in high school since I won $14 000.

By now, it was about 8 years ago where I finally found a job and made some money to get myself a custom gaming PC. This is where everything went to hell in a hand basket and yet opened me to the world of video games on an addictive level. When I got my current rig, I went to town on my bank account and bought games. I spent it as wisely as I could starting with putting it into games I can play on Steam. I bought the Orange Box which as Team Fortress 2, Half Life 2 series and Portal for a cheap price. I went back to my roots somewhat and got GTA IV, I even stuck around cyberspace to explore the free games it has to offer. Before my 8800 GT GPU died and my hard drive in need a refurbishment, I think I played about the same amount of games I had played in the past over a span of 4-5 years. Which brings us to the last 3 years and now.

Now, I’m stuck to sharing games with others. I like aspects of co-op games and sandboxes. I’m stuck to my old ways where I play games I like. If my play time in Star Trek Online isn’t proof of my past, I don’t know what would prove where I was in the past 3 years. Moving forward, I want to break away from my parents opinions on video games. I want to making a small inkling in playing video games. If I can’t, at least I want to do is share my love for video games to the world at large.

Have and Have Nots–Internet as a Utility

In a recent article by CNET, The United States of America is considering the internet into an public utility. As the free and openness as it sounds; the past history of the country when it comes to freedoms and the control of freedoms and rights, it makes me wary about the future of the internet from it’s humble origins to a controlled space.

The appeal of the internet in its infancy was the idea of sharing information from anywhere in the world. One person from Britain can talk to someone in Japan, an observatory in Hawaii can compare results with another observatory in Switzerland; a mother sending a video of her child’s first steps to he husband. The internet, much like the telephone, is a communication tool. In it’s essence, voice and digital information is just data; how you interpret the information and if you understand, it is data. Under this argument then yes, the internet should be a utility because it connects our society together; much like power, water, sewage and telephones.

What worries me since this news is coming from the United States is the past attempts to spy upon it’s own citizens and other countries in “the interest of national security”. Every country has it’s own right to be suspicious of itself and others. However in my opinion, there are certain things the government shouldn’t be mandated to monitor. I’m mostly referring to information that was not necessarily consented to the government. Of course, they can place the end user license agreement to include all information you send can be scrutinized. In the best interests, it does sound like an opportunity for all to have access to the internet but at the same time it worries me with regulations, it would dilute the economy of the internet into a corporate melting pot; much like TV networks. The hardest would be keeping the internet open and equal to all without hindering or disrupting service. The past year and decade has proven there are forces at work trying to push back the internet to something more controlled and centralized. It starts with the minorities like pornographic sites.

This is something I hope in the new year, people will continue the fight for an open and free internet. Indeed the internet would benefit as a public utility in many ways in many countries; at the same time, the governments which choose this should not regulate and it’s not the responsibility of the internet or the companies that provide the service.

Determination.

Last 7 years for me hasn’t been the smoothest time of my life, nor has the past decade. In my times as a teenage and even not in my youthful adulthood, I always have to remember progress comes at a price. Regardless what I do, what we do; easy or hard, we do make small or large sacrifices to make sure it gets done.

Admittedly, I’m not a top score student. I have talked about my ADHD openly with you here and you can understand how difficult it is to pay attention at times. Even with the minimal distractions, I can easily be distracted. Which means sometimes I don’t always complete tasks or I never really see my goals through. My teachers and counsellors use to say I should set goals for myself. To be honest, even goal setting is a challenge for me since I would wander away from those goals and head towards something entirely. When I’m approached with the same question, I tell them same; goals setting is only a visualization of your end state. Goals happen at the other end and not necessarily what happens between where you are now and where you will end. Within this space, a lot can happen to throw you off your goal; and a lot will turn up to prevent you from finishing. I am not a firm believer of setting goals, but I do believe in setting steps towards an end state.

Like many things you learn or do, require set of instructions in a form of steps. With in these steps, certain things have to happen before you can continue to the next step. Once you finish the last step, you have done what you need to do to get to where you are now. For me, I set steps to get from one point to the next. Taking it at my own pace as efficiently as possible. These steps aren’t listed by they merge within to the following step to keep with the flow to get to the end state or goal. In honesty, most of these steps don’t necessarily take me to a goal. Rather these steps help me progress farther along the chain, not necessarily small goals because these are not my desire end states but rather points where I know I completed a small contribution to a large task. Let’s face it with a ADHD head, every task is a large task.

No matter how painful and long this takes, you take each step towards something you want to complete. Sure you can call it a goal, but I call it an end state. An end state being whether it is complete or not and even towards something I didn’t necessarily desired to happen. What matters you learned something from the experiences you had, did you best to get where you need to go, tried your hardest to push yourself there and saw it to the end.

Until next time remember no matter what your end state you want, always push yourself towards what you want to do or become and to never stop pushing yourself to it.

Re: Help me out here, please.

Response to http://ramblingsfromawritersmind.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/help-me-out-here-please/.

Hello Paul White, marketing isn’t my specialty. However I would like to offer my views on blogging and social media platforms.

For the past few years, I’ve been ranting on about games, people and anything that touches a nerve to me. Thus far, I have seen a small trickle of readers. In the early months, I wasn’t too sure what to do or say to generate traffic. However there are a few things I’ve kept in my mind when I posted something onto my blog.

In terms of content, I do my best to leave the profanity at the door. I swear more than a sailor in real life, but my blog gives me the opportunity to back up and cool off to look objective but still have a fire burning to the point. I’m a personal blogger so I like to be open to my readers, however there are exceptions to this. As a personal prerogative, I keep information that’s very personal and intimate away from my blog. I try and not talk about the people I know by name nor do I try and describe them.

As for “exposure” you kept mentioning, I do think it’s a good thing to have your blog seen by others and have them provide their point of view. WordPress.com is a community of thousands of writers, bloggers and hobbyists. For your content to be seen, you have to write something worth talking about. Write something provocative, informative or opinionated; you will get the attention of a few readers. Importantly when producing content, you should know how to generate viewership. With WordPress, you can use tags to attract other users to your blog. The more tags you attach to the post, the more likely it will be seen based on a keyword search. The kicker to this with WordPress.com, some tags usually overused. Meaning there are a lot of people using the same tag for their post and therefore your post might not be seen and could be buried. If they are patient, they will stumble on your post. Importantly, keep posting constantly. Create a schedule and try to stick to it. When I first started my blog, it wasn’t (and still) is not aimed to generate views. In fact, it’s my own personal platform to release. There are things to be just said and let go rather repressed deeply. I try and aim for a post once every 7 days because it feels natural for me to post at that rate. I subscribed to some bloggers that post every day and some do it once a month. Find your speed.

In a way, we are competing indirectly for viewership through what we tag. This is where social media comes in handy. If you have other media platforms to share, you can bring traffic from other sites towards your site. Of course not only you should be letting the world know what you are producing, at the same time you should be engaging. Doesn’t necessary mean you have to be passive aggressive with bloggers and guest writers where you post a small comment to redirect them to your site, but more towards on building a rapport with others to keep them from coming back. Rather than shake hands and part ways, try and find some common ground where both can benefit through generating traffic rather than having guests redirecting their viewers to your site to generate a viewership on your site.

In case you nodded off with me mumbling on. Here’s the “TL;DR” (Too Long; Didn’t Read) version:

  • Constant content
  • Tag everything like a graffiti artist
  • Reach out on other social media platforms
  • Hope you’re 1 of the many 1000’s people are reading and sharing
  • Don’t be selfish, contribute back

In the end, success just depends on what you have created. If it’s something the same and something that has been done, then it wouldn’t take off as quickly. Doesn’t mean to give up, just means you have to keep going. Soon or later something good will come to it.

Transition

This year will be unlike the few years I have been on the blog. Though I will be still writing, I am pushing to organize everything a little bit. Therefore some changes will happen.

The Schedule. Stuff IRL

First off, I will not be changing my blogging schedule. Yup. Once a week every week until the summer. I cannot forecast the summer because of new developments in my life. With that being said, I have been employed which is a relief. However the most I can say is financially, I am still having trouble. By trouble, I mean I need a steady income. As of now I’m out of the red, but still trying to hold on the ground I’ve gained from the past couple years of spamming my resume out.

Secondly as of late 2014, I’ve moved away from reviewing video games. That’s just because rather than posting a review, my reviews are now in video form. On my gaming channel on YouTube, I’ve decided to play the games I like and share it to the world. Along with these games, I am looking into getting new games to review and even play through its entirety. So anything directly to gaming will go straight to my YouTube channel; my thoughts, opinions and views will be here.

Community Comments!

Over the past few years, I’ve have been timidly contributing to the WordPress blogging community by commenting on other blogs. Most of the time I realized I would post a wall of words on other people’s posts. To me I like my thoughts to be thorough which usually doesn’t result in a concise comment. So as I am now in the fourth year of my blog, it’s time that instead of building walls (of words), I start posting them here. Out of my schedule, these posts should not count towards my actual blog posts. There are some amazing bloggers out there who post some amazing content to make me think and contribute to their blog. It is only fair that I show you guys how I’m showing you readers how I’m contributing back to a community who has read my grief.

What about summer?

So one of my employers require me to be away for the summer. I am not quite sure how I am going to continually forward posts since I don’t think where I’m going will have a connection or access to my laptop or home computer. If WordPress allows, I will have some posts lined up for the summer until I return. YouTube is another matter. Since I don’t think YouTube requires me to be on to publish in real-time, my channel might go on hiatus. The same can be said for my blog if I can’t find some way to post ahead of time but only publish on specific dates. From what it looks like, the hiatus will be about 2 months long. In internet time, that’s a really long time.

2015 will be a very busy year for me. For my profession life and my hobbies I’ve created over the past few years. I would like to thank you guys for joining me from the start. If you guys just joined, I hope you guys keep coming back.

Until next time, let’s make 2015 happen!

Re: #472 Where are you Steam Sales?

A response to #472 Where are you Steam Sales?.

I’ve been on Steam for almost a decade (According to my badge, 8 years) and I’ve seen Steam change it’s marketing and this year I think they’re trying to wean their users towards what they want their platform to become.

At first when I started Steam, it was mainly AAA titles getting the holiday sales page. It was tough back then to look online for games other than what’s popular and hyped. With the advent of Greenlight, there has been bunch of submissions and approved games listed on the market. This is where the problem lies with the users and the consumers on Steam.

The indies don’t necessarily have a marketing team running round the clock to advertise their game since they want to produce the product than enhance their own image. Usually these small studios are running on a timeline and a budget unlike larger studios who can afford a bit of time wasted. This race to publish has granted us something unique in the industry at the moment, early access.

In my personal opinion, some of the developers seem smart on when to go fully public on their early releases while some have been just pushing hard to get the funding they wanted. While others are focused too into their product and they create a great product but not enough to generate awareness of it. So most games I found have either don’t reach expectation of the game while some just go under for not being well funded. This is what’s great about Steam. Steam can act as the marketing platform to sell the game on behalf the developers. And I think Steam sees this and it’s why a lot of early access titles are on sale for the holidays. It generates awareness for these games at an appropriate price while giving players the opportunity to be the kid in a candy store to buy a lot of games for a small cost.

Perhaps the lackluster feeling you are receiving is being you are not sure about these games and it feels you are not getting the sales you were expecting. I too felt the same way and it is indeed very difficult to buy a game when most of the catalogue is on sale. To that, I say we take the lessons we learned from Watch_Dogs; we take a risk regardless how much we spend and how popular the game, but it is indeed our risk to take.

Thanks for the article!

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