April 27, 2017
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Recently I had the opportunity to take part of brainstorming an alternate universe, a universe which could someday be. I always want to think about a different place and time, something beyond the here and now.
Fantasy is something I enjoy a lot when I can’t reach out and obtain it. It’s kind of odd to imagine a world without the USA, but a conversation directed to it gave it an interesting thought. I’m not much into political science but I couldn’t help to wonder how the states of union would go their own ways.
I guess it’s why I like tactical games, getting the control and to play the person in control. At the same time, which is why I like the loss of control in a survival game. In survival it’s all about thinking to regain some control. Always out of reach in a survival, a good survival game would keep me seeking control.
The appeal of video games, it can take me away yet keep me rooted to reality.
April 19, 2017
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Recently I was faced with a bit of envy, I had not expect I would be feeling jealous. In returned I’ve may have stepped over the line yet again.
I was surprised when I was drawn into a conversation about relationship and personal preference over a romantic interest. Me and my big, fat, ugly mouth said a few things in passing that may have been misconstrued to be one large topic. I think I should shut up from what I know about relationships, which is very little.
In the dump of conversation, there were a few nuggets I took away and reminded me of who I am. I live in a cosmopolitan city with many people of many views about everything. In a way, my old fashion ways mingle with the a contemporary ideal of a romantic interest or a relationship. It’s really difficult to really argue for what I would consider to be the right person for me. I have an idea of what I would like but at the same time others may feel it’s a daunting challenge. Reality of the situation is to not fit into the mould I’ve created, but show me a better mould for me. It’s an odd metaphor but it is close to what I look for in a partner. It’s hard to find someone like minded and with similar interests. I would like that special somebody but at the same time, I would like her to surprise me as well.
Perhaps rather than talking about what I want, I should just shut up and let it happen.
April 14, 2017
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Before I say anything, I’m going to say this. I’m a lurker at Imgur. I’ve never made an account on there but I like to browse through some of the content over there. Sometimes it keep things light hearted and some things I see there can make you feel passionate about things. As a hobbyist photographer and I don’t know why, I saw this and my jimmies were rustled.
For those who like to play it safe, let me tell you what you will see in that link. It’s a long list of pictures of people taking photos, seems innocent. However each image has those people abusing the environment. You would see a person standing atop a ledge, one harassing a large bird, and a person shaking a cherry blossom. Then the last one which had me wound up; a man wielding a camera taking a close up of a bird which looks like it’s being choked.
I was shocked and I’m happy I haven’t seen people do that yet. However the reminders are there when taking a photo, never jeopardize your safety and never harm your surroundings. Some people don’t necessarily think of their safety until it happens to them. It’s one thing to stand high and tall to get that majestic shot but once you lose an arm and a leg, not having a good picture is the least of your problems. After seeing the gallery I decided to see if there was a list of selfie deaths. Surprisingly, there is a list! Even worse is the list a long. A lot of folks doing, not much thinking. And I thought I was a bit impulsive.
Then there is the wildlife cruelty, I just hope there is a special dark place for people like that. Whether it’s animal or plant, I do think as a photographer I should be observing and not influencing. There is something about studio photography where you are capturing a subject but when you’re in the big wide world, you are just there to take what may come. If you’re using the world as your backdrop, then you should be responsible to minimize your impact to the environment. Don’t tread on a flower garden or shake a tree because it suits you.
Anyways, I will be doing a bit more photography as the days grow longer and sunnier.
April 4, 2017
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As I’m writing this, I realized I have a couple days of rain. Just cloudy and moist, it’s going to be a bit difficult to get stuff done since I want to be outside.
Looking through my collection of photos, I felt a bit prideful. I’ve been trying to organize it all for the latter half of the year. Then I wanted to publish them somewhere online and visible to the public, got that done in a few months. Now I’m trying to aggregate the best into something more tangible; dare I say, physical. The photo book I want create will be just a small gift either for myself or someone else to monument my hobby. The idea is about twenty pages and printed in a nice hardcover. I got an idea of what it will look like but now I’m trying to focus on arranging bits into pages. I don’t think I have a lot of good photos to fill the book, but I want to keep snapping until I have more.
I did a but of dumpster diving, not really. Someone threw out some books about guitars, which kind of sparked my creative side again. Seems like lately I’ve been on a creative streak. I started with poetry in high school, photography as of lately, perhaps guitar if I ever get the confidence to dust off the electric guitar I’ve kept since I was young. Hopefully it still’s all good; if not, I’ll pawn the set for an acoustic. Maybe. We’ll just see what the future holds.
I’m feeling pretty good, even though I’m working less and focusing on myself.
March 29, 2017
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It’s been a busy weekend to say the least, been trying to keep the days busy so I don’t fall back to where I was a couple weeks ago. Knowing my body and mind and fall apart like that worries me. Suffering from a panic attack really opened my eyes to the oddity that is the human mind and body. Best for me to keep busy and keep my mind away from all those weird thoughts I use to have.
What the plan and routine now is to push myself into doing more gameplay recording for my YouTube channel. Forcing myself to get back on the weekly posting schedule on this WordPress blog is a good course, wouldn’t want to abandon this (or abandon you). I might do a bit more in real life as well, weather is getting better to do more photography stuff. Depending how work looks for the summer, I might get certified for a few things. I spent a few times thinking about getting a bit certified to serve alcohol, maybe try bartending.
I don’t want to set out a schedule and a routine, seeing how my past endeavours became after I put a schedule in for myself. Yeah…that’s not going to happen since I never stick to a strict schedule. For now just do a few things everyday and see what may come. Hopefully my mood improves and a positive attitude will last.
March 18, 2017
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Not sure if I ever had this feeling before but something happened recently I cannot shake off and disturbs me. As I was laying in bed with my head in the clouds, I found myself in a dark place. I was spiraling out of control, one nasty thought to the next. Thoughts that question how I am and what I feel to the point where my heart felt like beating out of my chest. I laid there motionless as I tried breathing. Winding through all these dangerous thoughts, hyperventilating in a wide eyed state. Just as quickly as it happened, it all stopped. Breathing back to normal and my heart didn’t feel like exploding. Thoughts of myself disappeared.
I’m still figuring out what happened, but from what I felt it was a panic attack. It was really intense and scary. I don’t think ever in my life I could experience something so frightening. All I could do was lay there and let it pass, forcing myself to breath. I feel all the negative things in my life have compounded into this anxious moment.
A bit ironic since I had to check in with my doctor not too long ago. It’s worrying I have to be in this state of mind when I got no idea how many more times it could happen. Of course this is the first time, but how many more until I can tell someone.
I try to not involve my life in my blog, but this is the few times I really need to put it on record.
March 11, 2017
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I’ve been trawling the political news in the past month and the world seems to be alight with borderline hate speech and free speech. It’s even making me nervous since every culture has suffered it’s troubles but a few are open to kill and hurt everyone to feel superior.
We as a people were born to treat all with fairness and justice, no one is better and no one can take away who you are as a human being. It’s disturbing and rightly eye opening to the intolerant language being propagated in society. I always want to look into the future but seeing the squabbles over race, how can we ever meet to the challenge something new and different? Economically, we’re addicted to petroleum and only dancing around alternative energies. Politically, we’re still divided by ideologies and geographic bias. How can we justify change when we can’t even make the changes within?
Someone once told me society is a house. A house everyone wants to live in, it can be built and be torn down. However there is only one house and we all must live in it. The house might be cramped but when you burn the house down, no one can live in the house. What is the point of living in a house if you were going to burn it down?
I guess I’ll leave it there for this week. Something to think about.
March 2, 2017
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Tricky thing being about an adult, I’m learning this now while I’m young. I’m not eager to grow up and take everything as serious as things should be. Somethings I’ve taken way too seriously and recently I find myself unsure if I should buckle down or let loose. I’ve seen a lot of folks fall in love and break up, but here I am. The same old me, the same old problem I can’t seem to figure out. As much as I would like to seek the “perfect woman”, I don’t think she’s necessarily looking for me.
I’m a humble person, at least I try to be. In the recent years, I haven’t bragged about myself; even if there was something to brag about, I wouldn’t stand too high and mighty over a small accomplishment. I don’t necessarily have attribute which stand out either, I’m not too smart or too funny, just an average person with an average build. Hopeless as it sounds, I do hope in romance. As far away as finding that person is, if it’s a lifelong pursuit then I’m willing to spend it alone.
Even if I lived to result in being alone, I guess I can accept I stood firmly on a love never requited. We’re creatures fond of instant gratification but yet here is one thing I would spend my entire life looking.
Feels weird to observe I’m the only person who would act like this all for love and even without it for quite some time, I’m still looking for the similar attachment I once had. A brief moment in my life I wish I could have for the rest of my life.
I just want to love again, someday perhaps.
February 23, 2017
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I know I haven’t been staggering away from my traditional weekly blog posts, I’ve been caught up with work recently. A lot of out and about work and with the recent weather, I’ve been taking my camera out in the warm sunny days.
However I’ve been holding back writing a post about relationships because I should really be the last person to give relationship advice. I take that back, I should be the bottom ten people you should ask. In the past month or two, everyone is either getting in trouble with relationships or wanting to leave a relationship. As the nice single male I am, I always suck myself into these conversations with “Tell me about it.”
I want to be the helping hand and open ear for someone to feel good. A lot of people I’ve talked to drink heavily after a relationship; not going to lie if I had the money, I would’ve done the same. Usually drinking alone and suffering is the same, nothing is solved and it will still hurt at the end. The weird thing is I find one within the pair who was seeking more than just a physical relationship and that’s what gets me.
I do believe in this century, there are variability in the definition of love but the still hardest to grasp I’ve seen and witness is romantic love. I’ve had closely had a romantic relationship and compared to people I’ve meet seemed to want the same, the love of another person. I almost want to tell them a daring truth that what they seek is not a physical embodiment of love but a love which can only be received in kind and care. Even then I don’t think they would reciprocate in the sense to understand romantic love but to rationalize their needs in that context. Romantic love is not a date on the calendar or a price tag, it’s the devotion and the willingness to weather hardships of not your own but others. Still as you read this, some will say it’s easy or asking how but that is the difficulty of romantic love and how I think it’s the greatest of loves. If done right it can reciprocate with bounty and if done incorrectly can hurt the most toughest of souls.
I would want that romantic love but it is just an idea most people see as unobtainable. From my point of view even if I don’t ever find that romantic love, I will still look for it and her.
February 10, 2017
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For those who have been following for awhile, you know I try to put out a post every 7 days or so. Last month it’s been more like 10 days until I throw up a post. I’ve been engrossed in playing Star Trek online and trying to balance working on myself and the things I’ve built around me. This includes this blog, the YouTube stuff and my photography hobby. Hopefully thing will get sorted out, though it looks like more events are coming to Star Trek Online, according to the in-game calendar.
The photography stuff has been slow but I’ve been slowly phasing out my Google Photos uploading and making use of 500px as a place to upload. I just like the fact my account name is visible in the address. I don’t think YouTube does that anymore, which makes the community a bit unique in their own way. I was complaining a lot about 20 photos a week limit awhile back. For me, it’s actually quite doable since the past few weeks I’ve been sending out maybe 4-10 a week depending if I have an idea. Definitely sticking to it and trying to do more in the future.
Speaking of more stuff, I’ve been trying to focus more on playing Tropico 4 which the campaign is being played on my channel. I think I might be burnt out from playing RTS and city builders. I might transition into survival or a shooter sometime soon. For the moment I want to get the campaign out of the way and maybe grab some achievements. One thing I’ve noticed is when you log into the game is when the achievements from the previous session will pop up. Strange they don’t reward it to you on the spot, but I’m not going to complain. I just finished uploading the last part of the first mission for the campaign, just 19 more to go. Yikes.
Until next time, feel free to take a gander and maybe drop of alike and comment somewhere. I’ll probably respond however I’ve been getting lots of spam comments recently on YouTube. Please be unique and try and not sound like you’re advertising, thanks in advance.