nawkcire

Games, Tech and Blogging…I can't guarantee in that order.

In Progress

Right now, I’m still recovering from a bad cough. Right now been avoiding the outdoors, yet outdoors call for me despite being cold. There have been bright sunny days and the normal dull skies for winter.

I’ve been sporadically shooting some photos last week but having coughing fits hasn’t help me or my confidence to get out of the house.

On the upside though, I’ve been kind of sitting at home reading a bit and watching photography tutorials. The only time I’ve gone up was to finally pick up some personal business cards. I didn’t realize how much 500 cards can be but who knows, I might use it to being more visibility to my 500px account which is now my portfolio. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to give my cell phone number out on a card. Perhaps someday when I feel comfortable to share my personal phone number (or I get a business number for cheap, which would be super great). For now I’ll keep some on hand and just spread then around when I can.

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Feeling Sluggish

Since I quit my job before Christmas, I haven’t been feeling like I’m a new person. Ever since the place I’ve been working at fall under new management, I’ve been degrading into my depression all over again. A lesson learned if I (or you) ever work in retail ever again, enjoy working with co-workers and the manager. If a team gels, keep the team. However being overworked and being steamrolled by management, I caved and just walked away. It was the second most fun job I’ve worked in my life and it went to second worst. Ever since I have all this time, I’ve been getting back to doing what I use to do – at least I’m trying. This is getting published in the afternoon but I’ve been writing this since the start of midnight.

I’ve had problem sleeping, I haven’t taken my medication for a month, been stressed, been way too sad to get out of bed. I still need to book an appointment with my doctor for a referral. But this is the blog post that will force me to end the zero-medicated me. Hopefully it will solve everything and I can feel like I can go out and do more.

I’ve also ordered some personal business cards for my 500px profile. I’m a bit excited but at the same time, I kind of want to start a business out of it. Not necessarily I want to do it full time or part time, but I want to at least get my feet wet. At first, I don’t expect profit; do I still my original receipt for my cameras and lenses? I didn’t expect to have my camera for this long. Even recently I’ve considered upgrading to a newer camera body. I’m fairly happy but I can’t use a wireless shutter trigger. The one moment I wish I didn’t turn away from the wireless capabilities. Any case I’m getting business cards then I’m maybe going start a business – in that order, what can go wrong?

First step is to take my medication.

 

Last Post 2017

Next week’s going to be a new year; a year older, another year.

I’m just here watching the rest of the Jingle Jam. I’ve been a fan of the Yogscast but these charity streams I do find to be the best part of my year. After the year I’ve had, this is likely the best part right up to the end. However it’s been difficult to really watch these archived streams on YouTube. Not much to view but at the same time has given me an opportunity to see new indie games. At least I get to see the old and usual stuff, like a live podcast and some “live” games.

Last night I couldn’t get away from a 6 hour stream from Zoey from the Yogscast playing both The Sims 4 and a discussion on mental health. I was surprised when we began to talk about her struggle with mental health and how I’ve been over the past decade. From a person I don’t know to hear the same words, this oddly familiar connection based on an illness. After hearing from her and then playing this new game I’ve never heard about, it was like watching a simulacra of what I’ve been through for most of my adult life.

After seeing her play through it for almost an hour, I might want to pick up “Please Knock On My Door”. The hardest part was fighting my own thoughts while she and the game narrates the similar dialogue.

There is nothing easy about battling a mental illness without a cure. There is no phrase nor pill can cure it. Just keep holding on…

…even when things look bleak.

I think next year I’ll just keep fighting myself. I have to hope and keep telling myself things will get better. I just have to whether I should believe it or not.

Anniversary Post & Latent Replies

I’ve been out from posting the past few weeks. I had no time to compose anything. The past few weeks with work bogged down, I had only time to shower and eat and nothing more. Let me just say life in retail has been short but I’ve learned the good side and bad side of retail.

During the Christmas retail season, I’ve learned much about what sales associates go through. To be honest with you, it’s frustrating and stressful for everyone involved. However having a hostile work environment does make it worse which was the unfortunate circumstance I had to be in after several months of working at the same place. Right on the Eve, I’ve had it and I think my manager has the same with me. I don’t consider this individual as my employer but just a slave driver. Anywho, that’s probably a drunken rambling for the next anniversary post.

So it’s that time of year again where WordPress likes to tell me it’s “our” anniversary. I made this joke before but it’s worth mentioning. It’s a long term relationship and probably the longest I will ever have. Haha. No matter, I just like having this little digital sanctum to journal my life. Looking forward to the new year, I still do think I have a lot of interesting things to do.

This year is actually going to be a snowy new year. Grabbing my camera and definitely travelling locally to see new vistas. Speaking of which, I should get back to uploading more photos on my 500px page.  With the little time I’ve had I’ve managed to do something new and special for myself. I preface, this is not a sponsored post. For the past months, I’ve been considering getting personal business cards especially for my photography portfolio. I’ve been shopping locally until I found a shop called VistaPrint. I found later after my first visit, they are actually an online company and this being their flagship store. After finding the time to return for a repeat visit, I finally order about 500 cards. It might be overkill, but it’s was a steal since it was only $10 with their holiday offer. Otherwise I would’ve gotten a smaller amount, like 100 or so. I’m a bit excited though I wish I had something cooler to put on the card. Hopefully I’ll get them shortly in the new year.

I’m still doing the YouTube thing and playing all the games. Actually Steam has their annual winter sale, I’ve bought a few more games which I won’t be playing until next Christmas. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to play them all and upload something.

For now I’ll just enjoy the bit of relaxed unemployment. Probably get back to do my own photography. If they call me for work, I did make my intent known. I was going to play nice to declare my resignation two weeks before I leave but this manager really put it out there. Technically not illegal from what I’ve read however they have to let me know if I have been terminated. Don’t care, I’ve voluntarily withdrew my employment in a busy store and it’s the holiday season and if I remember correctly I have most if not the entire law on my side as the employee. My only regret is I wish I could work with my old manager, they were way more polite and way more helpful this garbage person. Though hopefully I can be re-employed under my old manager than any other.

Anyways, I’m glad I have a few days to myself.

Rediscovering Me…Yet Again

As of writing this post, I’ve found my musical centre after listening to a lot of pop music. There is something about pop music that keeps me numb. Numb from joy and making things feel a bit upbeat, even when things are the contrary. Ever since I discovered music in my early teens, there has always been a part of me that jams with punk and emo music. Yeah, I’m admitting I’m a bit of an emo kid at heart. As an adult, I got nothing to hide from it. Kids are so immature at something they don’t understand and I’ve been on both sides who were and did ridicule.

The first time I ever hear punk music was Fall Out Boy, they were in the middle of their third or fourth album. I think it’s the second time they released Grand Theft Autumn. That was the song that hooked me into punk. From there I found Paramore and later on All American Rejects during their early wading into pop culture. I did find other bands, but they never stuck like those (and a few others). It was indeed something spiritual in terms of the music of the 2000’s, something happened and it was never replicated after. Any 20-something would agree that decade was great for music.

As much as I want to dig this decade’s music. It’s either too loud without a rhythm or it’s too fast which doesn’t have much of a soulful feel too it. Is it just me or just everyone’s taste in music has kind of dropped into a hip-hip and pop derivative. Nothing wrong but I’m kind of bored of the synthesizer and I want the bands with the guitars and drums (maybe a piano) with some actual vocals.

There’s always music in the world, but the music you want to hear is either before your time or hasn’t been yet. Much like life, it’s best experienced before we can make a choice. I’ve made mine. Definitely a bit of the mid-2000’s punk/emo era still lives inside me. Even when passed, I still find that music has transcended beyond to reach me.

What’s old is new…

It’s been fairly stale in terms TV shows I’m following. Ever since I lost interest in The Big Bang Theory, I’ve been just watching YouTube and going to the cinema.

This fall has been the coolest time however, coolest yet conflicting. Started off with news of the Mythbusters coming back after their small competition show to find the next duo. So far I’ve seen a few episodes and I’m fairly on the fence about it. IT really makes references back to the first 10 seasons of Mythbusters and the pair doesn’t really stand out as personalities when they follow a shadow. I still like science experiments and explosions so I’ll keep watching until the they find their footing.

Since I heard the fan film Axanar was taken down, I felt kind of empty about the Trek franchise. The universe J.J. Abrams tried to weave with a new cast and an altered universe made me somewhat nervous if there was ever going to be a prime universe Trek. When I found Axanar, I was excited. Now to present day Discovery and Axanar will never see the light of day. The TV show is Trek in the sense it’s diverse especially having an openly gay couple and lots of species never heard before. However it doesn’t feel like it fits before the 5-year voyage of the Enterprise in The Original Series. I’m going to still watch even though it’s a terrible way to introduce the Klingon-Federation war.

Interestingly, Seth Macfarlane’s The Orville feels like the closest thing to Trek but with a Family Guy vibe with all the jokes. I enjoyed what’s happened on far and has addressed a lot of human issues in a Trek-like way. I’m quite unsure if I like either more.

On the horizon, I’m hearing things about a prequel to Stargate. I’m curious though I wish Stargate Universe would return.

Some Time

I’ve been kind of out of it. Been busy working this weekend, I’m stuck inside while I’m sick. All I can do is sit at home and play video games and pass out. I have been massively fatigued once I wake up, almost sleep has no effect on me.

The most difficult part I’ve learned is getting sick really sucks. I’ve had to trade in work for bed rest and I’m losing by the day. However in the past week while I am sick, I did get a few things done. My camera has seen some uses, but been playing a huge amount of video games though. Not much for recording but I have been just absorbed into looking at sales and not stressing about anything.

I’m not quite sure what my next throwaway hobby is, but I feel like I should start exploring for another.

 

And….burnt

Well, I tried writing those fictional letters for about 9 weeks. I must admit I’m a bit burnt out. On the bright side looking back, I think I haven’t lost my touch in creative writing.

I’m going back to writing as per usual, blogging my own life is preferable than a fake one (No matter I wish it was real.) Since I started it, I’ve been heavily busy with a second job. Surprisingly both jobs are fairly steady but I have trouble to find free time since I get really fatigued after a day of work.

Looking ahead, I’m trying to start a small business. I’ll let you know how it turns out. At the moment, I want to pay off all the money I put into buying my DSLR and it may or may not succeed the way I would like it. At least I could have the potential to make back all the money I’ve lost.

#9 – Miles Away

Hey,

It’s only been a few days out here, I couldn’t help to write to you. Being so far away, I wish I could hold you in my arms.

When I first arrive in this small town, the locals mentioned something of a small waterfall in the woods. I scrambled all the camera stuff I could pick up and went out. I probably trekked a few hours along a path and through the low brush to encounter this clearing. Sweetheart, I wish you could have seen the roaring falls landing in the pool of water. Idyllic for photos, but all I could think about was swimming with you. I probably sat on top of the waterfall overlooking the area. I saw everything. The tired town as it settled in to slumber. The greenery of every park and tree all the way to the horizon. The sparkling lake almost untouched by man. The red-orange sky as the sun slipped away.

It’s only as fragment to what I’ve seen here. Yet I wish I could convey it in more than just photos with you.

-Eric

#8 – The Mall

Hey,

I am so tired after today. Spending the day shopping with you was something I wouldn’t think would be fun. But trotting around the mall with you was a joy. I could never understand anyone could spend an entire day to try clothes. I guess if you’re really into trying out outfits, I can’t help watching you step out with every dress and t-shirt you want to buy.

When I first told you I was madly in love, I wouldn’t have guessed you felt the same but today like every other you showed me the mutual affections. Smiling at you strut every piece new clothing I can’t help to feel so fortunate to be with such a playful belle. In my dorky smiles, I guess you found something worthy about me. Something so dorky to warrant you to pull me in the dressing room and kiss the smile off my face. Sorry to disappoint you but I don’t think kissing would get rid of the exuding joy I feel when we’re together.

I don’t think we can ever feel any less wherever we go. Even at the mall, you could raise my spirits to enjoy a day solely for you.

-E