nawkcire

Games, Tech and Blogging…I can't guarantee in that order.

22 Push Ups

Going around the internet at the moment (and a few of you already seen on Facebook or other medias) is some a bit odd. Not as odd as the ALS ice bucket challenge a few years back, but it’s a bit practical. It’s gotten popular to the point where my coworkers have drafted me into this charity drive.

In the past I’ve tried things to change up my regimen in hopes something sticks. Definitively I’ve tried to go video game free for a few weeks and a few days on my blog a long time ago. Now my friends have challenged me to complete 22 push ups per day for 22 days. Between my readers and I, I’m starting to hit a point where I’m not very frequent.

Here’s how I would describe the challenge for those who haven’t heard about it. Upon nominated in a video in someone’s push ups, you have a day to complete your first set of 22 push ups. After that, the intent is to complete 22 push ups every day for 22 days. Every single day, you are to nominate a person to do the push up challenge.

Aside from my inconsistency, my work has been disrupting the push ups. Last week I’ve been out of town and away from an internet connection. Being away means I have to pre-record or post-record another day. I feel pre-recording is a bit cheating the system but at the same time I know I’ll be a day or two behind. At the moment of this blog post, I have a few days behind my push ups because I’ve been sleeping through the days. It’s not a good thing since I have a few things to do during the day. Still have to visit the dry cleaners and get ready for another Saturday work day.

In the end, I just hope I still can finish my push ups. I’m just reaching my first week into this and I’m definitely going to need the entire month to finish.

Easy September

The past week has been filled with some ongoing things happening. Aside from the sleep and the much relaxation, I’ve been trying to get back into recording more Stardew Valley on my channel. I’ve recently upgraded my 8 year old PC. Nothing too in depth, installed a new GeForce 950 GTX to replace the 430 I had and a 2 TB hard drive. After a week running the new GPU through her paces, I’m starting to think my entire PC is under powered for the new GPU. Power is running great but I think the CPU might be having a tough time catching up with processing some games. I don’t know exactly is the problem, let me know in the comments what you think stuttering and “lag” might be. The new hard drive is working fine, I’ve managed to transfer my game files from Steam to the new drive without hiccups. All save files are functional thankfully so I don’t have to restart a new Stardew playthrough.

The original intent was to buy a new PC, but an old buddy of mine convinced me to upgrade the GPU and save the $600 of new PC parts. But the cheap guy I am, I decided to upgrade this PC; hopefully one last time. When I started up Insurgency to play, I had a few problems with servers that were located out west. Then I realized I was lagging from local servers too. Of course I had to pull off something stupid to expend the $600 I saved. Luckily at the time, a local airsoft store had a P90 in stock. I’ve been looking into buying a P90 since I started playing airsoft and now here it is with only an hour ride out and a few days of waiting for the shop to open. Of course the day came and I bought it under budget, still pricey for a airsoft replica. Nonetheless, it was less than 600 with a spare magazine. Along with the Cyclone impact BB grenade and spring shotgun, I have a few things to try out. Of course I’m giving my pistol another go even though I’m shearing the feeding lips every time I’m using it. If I get a chance at the end of the month to play, I’ll definitely give it a go.

Other than that, happy with my new purchases for fall. Maybe enjoy it as much as I can until I can find something to complain about or something to talk about.

Editing Photos

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I’m getting pretty good with my camera. I’ve managed to take some good photos of scenes and portraits recently. Summer’s almost over and I think I’ve shot over 1000 and uploaded only under 50. I personally learned a few things just by shooting. More importantly I learned to shoot the same scene about three times using different settings. I usually find a better shot through the three photos; better in a way of how it looks and the colours I’ve captured.

Ever since I got my computer (almost a decade ago now), I downloaded a nifty image editor called paint.net to replace Microsoft Paint. Out of the box, the program is an improvement on MS Paint and feels has more control familiar to Photoshop. Recently I’ve jumped into the forums to find plugins for the open-source application, trying to find stuff I can use for editing photos. The community did deliver, I managed to find a package of plugins which focused on photography. After installing the files, I’ve been experimenting with a few of the effects. On some photos I used more effects than some I tweaked the white balance and the histogram.

While tweaking and playing around with the photos, I’ve noticed a few things about my photos. The problem I have is I can’t take pictures of the sky without having shaded objects look dark and vice versa. So for me to take pictures of sunsets, the foreground would appear dark while I get white out if I focus on a subject that is darker than the sky. Even with this, I’ve managed to snap a few photos. In the future I might try and take pictures using Canon’s .cr2 format which is a RAW format. Hopefully my system with an upgraded GPU can handle it.

Oh yeah, I bought a 950 GTX. But that’s a post for another time.

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Break’s Over.

Last week, I came back from my vacation. Honestly it was work related and I had to be away from my computer for two weeks. What was interesting was to rediscover my life when I returned. In my sanctum of my bedroom, writing room, sanctum of my inner thoughts and outer release, it describes my life and all my achievements within it.

No one and I mean no one has stepped into my room asides from myself. In this small cubicle with a curtained window, is a open panel computer; aging but holding on as clutter fills the space of my table. cables shunting data and power to a couple sockets in the walls. Creaky hardwood floors as my fan hums away as books and notes from a former life strewn across the top of this so called mess. Underneath are trickets poking out, a multitool, game controller, expired medications, a recently purchased watch. Surprising there is enough to place my phone to charge through my computer.

Behind the chair is a bed fit for one, not much for company but it’s a designated area where I sleep and keep warm in winter. As a guy, I own very little in shoes; a pair for work, casual for getting around, runners for the gym and semi-formal for job hunting. I have two backpacks, one filled with stuff from work and one with my camera gear which I recently purchased stowed within a camera bag itself. I don’t have a headboard but a small shelf sitting next to the door with boxes of games I bought long before Steam – collecting dust. CD’s I’ll never listen because I stream.

This room I consider mine is commandeered from it’s former purpose as a living room, so I have a couch. The couch like my desk is filled with clutter. Mostly everyday clothing I take and interchange from a pile. I do laundry on the regular but this pile is my week’s worth of clothing in a quick grab.

Coming home to this after staring at this for a decade is refreshing. It has given me the impression of the person of who I am from a third person perspective. What I see after a two week absence? Someone who is stuck holding on to the past while looking faithfully in the future. A person who wants to reach out but feels a bit of shame yet pride for all they have accomplished.

I am still here.

Discovery

The best part about being young is you have a fresh view of the world. You can always change and make it to what you want rather than following in someone’s footsteps.

I’m growing out of the youthful age but I still feel inside me as youthful but in a different way. As a kid, I couldn’t self express the way I wanted to and it seems now I’m catching up with listening to music and taking up photography. Even if you go back 5 years, I went creating a YouTube channel and this blog which is still an evolving piece of my life! I am still finding the self I am comfortable with and not the self people want to see.

We’re all still young, whether you are at the start or to the very end; there is something to find new and different. A part of living is to live in the shell you grew in, but as I’ve learned through this year discovering something for yourself is something beyond the shell.

Always find something new and discover it for yourself, you might find something what will transform you.

Homeward Bound

As I grew up I felt less and less at home in the house as I grew up. Even if it was inherited, I would still feel I don’t belong here. After decades of being in this house and the neighbourhood, it’s familiar but it’s not what I would call “home”.

Something aches inside me to want a place I can my own. A place I can call own, a place I belong. There is just a place I want to be; I don’t know where, whether it’s metaphysical or realistic but it’s there gnawing inside and I want to find it. This is what salmon feel when they swim upstream, you just know you have to go but you don’t know where. Even if it kills me, I want to know where this place is and if it’s even there.

I’ve laid in fields with fields above. In the empty void, in the silence, there has been that urge; the urge to go home or find it. Even when I’m the place I sleep and work, the calling is way too strong to ignore.

What exactly am I looking for, what is this urge? Will I even find it?

Giving up.

It’s tough, I have to admit, it’s tough to seek happiness and peace in life when everything antagonize negative thoughts. Much recently, it has been occurring a lot. There would be moments I feel so good and myself, then I would just feel tired and wanting to give up.

Ever since I got this job in the big wide world, I’ve learned a few things to help resist those thoughts. It’s a rough go at first to push myself to go back to the positive space in my mind. With a bit of help from my workplace, I’ve been able to do it. It might not help for you, but give some of these a shot. First, I do a breathing exercise. A slow inhale, about 4 seconds; I try to focus myself until I have no thoughts in my head or until I feel calmer. Sometimes it takes over a minute to feel the calm I need to move on. ┬áThe whole point is to have focus for the next part. Next I try to think about neutral and happy things. These can be petting animals, good moments I felt in my life, sleeping well after a long days work; stuff like these however limit it to one thing at time. I try to not push myself to spend more than a a few seconds because the moment would disappear. I keep doing this until I have collected myself to self affirm and validate myself as a person. Who I am, what I want in life, what I achieved, what will I want get done in this moment; positive “I can”, “I will”, “I shall” statements, out loud (I usually whisper it to myself) or in my head space to fill the neutral or positive void I’ve created. If it doesn’t work out, I focus on the breathing exercises; four seconds inhale and four seconds exhale.

It’s a slow progress to find the peace I need but from the couple years I’ve been at my job, I’ve had added one more thing on top. And here it is, whether you say it out loud is up to you:

There is no giving up, only surrender.

To surrender is to stop fighting.

To fight to find a meaning, a purpose, a cause.

There is more to in fighting than surrender.

DO NOT SURRENDER.

Closing In

In light of recent events, it feels as though the world is coming to progressive and about to turn around for the worse. As sensationalist as the headlines were the past month, a lot worries me. As a student of history, the world we live despite it’s technological and social differences, is starting to unravel much like the days of our ancestors. Bitterness and hatred onto other, xenophobia cleaving away into us and them. The last 70 years to push towards peace could be coming back to where it starts.

If we’re not careful if history has taught me, we will be building the walls our forefathers once built. Destroy a generation of young folks over an illusion of hate and control. The would never be the same and nor has it been for centuries. I’m seeing everyone is a bit diverted from the point in unity. Unity is to keep us together, to give everyone what we have the most and not to pit us into old rivalries.

Optimism can get only give us so much. The world is waiting for answer which we don’t have, are we not searching for them? Are we not exploring deep enough to find them? Perhaps this is what we all deserve for our collective ignorance. To pass on a world of debt and crises to a woeful few unprepared to be entrusted with our securities.

I’m nervous of what the world will be since the next decade could be even worse than the last.

Short But Sweet

Video games is still happening on my YouTube channel. I’ve been playing more Stardew Valley, but I’ve been trying to find some time to record some Call To Arms after fixing the weird launch bug. I could not, but instead play some other sandbox game.

The past week has been pretty hot so my sleep pattern has been heavily erratic. There has been nights where I wake up sweating and nights I would lay in bed exhausted but so hot I can’t even pass out. I’ve been in this situation, I’ll persevere.

This week has been a bit hectic. I haven’t been keeping up with anything aside from taking photos and keep on top of my work. Since I don’t have anything to talk about this week, I think I should just share to what I have taken recently with my Canon Rebel.

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Until next time, enjoy these photos!

The Dark Hole

With all the news and headlines running amok, it really feels like we are living on the brink of chaos. I usually avoid the news to stay in a positive mood, but it seems more recently these articles are popping out more often.

The animosity of peoples unable to feuds and differences and a people’s indifference to care but to care for the superficial; I’m starting to think tomorrow is the tomorrow of an uncertain future. As we see ourselves as decent, noble, compassionate people; I can hardly describe what I see as just. I’m including myself in this. We are vile and terrible creatures compared to our ancestors who made a difference in the hardest times. Yet here we are squabbling over sensational headlines and preaching toward social justice for our selfish gains. As I sat at city hall recently looking at all the happy faces about in the seat of municipal power while the news reports about hatred for civil authority; I had to ask, “what do we want?” What exactly do we want as a people? Do ask for peace? For unity? It’s scary how it looks like we’re grasping at straws rather than having a defined movement in our generation. With technology gifted to us, we are underutilizing it to push on with the gift our ancestors alwys wanted and given to us. A gift of everlasting peace and harmony to our people and the people in need.

I feel I can just do is sit here and watch for us to dig a dark hole to bury us all.