Hey There, Sobriety

So about a month and a bit ago, I decided to stop drinking alcohol. Straight cutting it out of my life indefinitely.

It has been a rough spring and I have made and haven’t made the right choices while I have heavily drinking. And yes, I was getting to the point where I would be drinking quite heavily every week.

It’s been god knows how long now with out a beverage and I’m definitely feeling and seeing some changes. I’ve been brooding a lot lately, I think it’s part jealousy and surprise. A lot of dating drama around the people close to me. As much as I want to escape from it, I can’t and it’s just hurting me a little bit at a time. In lieu of spirits for my spirit, I’ve grown a bit fond of soda. To be honest, been drinking mostly ginger ale to aid digestion. However I’m fortunate to know a soda cafe so I can drop in for some really great drinks made in-house.

At the moment, I’m really unsure if I want to do this considering I feel a bit alienated from my peers when we go to a bar. Yet I feel a bit content with myself with what I’m doing. I’m not doing anything that might make me feel unsafe and I think I don’t necessarily have people I feel comfortable drinking around now with so much going on.

I’ll just see how it goes.

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A Month Ago – The Conclusion

Continue from here.

About a month passed and work was coming to the end. I spend the best trying settle in; sleep, work, eat, meditate (Thanks Pacifica), TV, eat, meditate, repeat. Though I had about a week to go, I wish I had one more just to take my camera out one more time. The snow isn’t like that in the city and I wanted this chance to take it all in.

Packing wasn’t as tough as I was beginning to get use to travelling. Works clothes first into a bag, then my own clothes in another and finally my cameras into it’s own bag. I sat waiting for my ride out. It was kind of sad knowing I might not come back working here. With a living space I had, I wouldn’t mind it if I could come back here every day. I turned a small apartment room into a home. Not my home, but a home I would be happy to come back to at the end.

Listening to my MP3 player on the ride back. I watched nature give away to concrete and steel. The 2 lane highway turned into 4, then 6. I saw the city limits, then I was under an hour from my house. Coming back into my room, I felt relieved but I knew I had it better while I was there. If I had my computer and my own internet, I would’ve been content.

It made me fortunate with the time I had there and what I have here waiting for me. Here, the moments I life behind and the moments still waiting to be discovered.

I still have photos to process, hopefully be done with them by March. While I do that, take more of my city. Or perhaps take one more trip as my vacation. Though while I was there, it felt like a vacation from my own life.

A Month Ago – The Town

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I travelled to the next town over after scouting this place for a dining spot. The week before, I ate at a quiet Chinese/Japanese All-You-Can-Eat spot. After walking the main street there, I knew I had to return. I spend the afternoon until sundown taking photos right across town. Starting from a park on the most easterly and following the river right to the middle of town and their marina. For city folk like me, I wish I could just sit there in awe in the beauty. People in makeshift and pre-fabricated fishing cabins, the silence breaking through over the frozen water’s edge. If my damn zipper would have zipped, I could’ve stayed in once place and run my camera through everything in my bag (filters, timers, lenses oh my). By the time I reach the southerly end complete with mall, I had enough time to walk in for a browse before calling a ride home.

A Month Ago – The Beach

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The snow up there is much more than I’m used to, the snowbanks were as tall as single story buildings. The snow laid calm though just underneath was a skin of ice thick as window glass. I went out to the local town and found myself walking into a path leading along a small river. I came across a park covered in snow with one path plowed along rolling cliffs with houses flanking this flat space. It was beautiful and magical; the morning sun glistening on the snow, the wind calmed in the trees. I tried to follow a foot track to the clearing but I sunk into the snow right up to the hip. Rather than wading into a potential risk of hypothermia, I retreated. I photo cam be a gorgeous thing, but I wasn’t equipped to wade into deep snow for one shot. That morning was relatively cold. My breath froze on my camera body, cellphone sluggish to every action I demand from it. By the time I made it to the beach and walked back, the wind kicked up that I had to take shelter behind a snowbank before my eyes froze shut. It didn’t help that my jacket zipper finally broke that week and I didn’t find a good replacement for my poor jacket. From there, the frigid morning gave way to a cool afternoon.

A Month Ago – The Break

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On the off time, I downloaded some apps to help my pills through the infinite sadness. I first downloaded Calm, but being poked and prodded for a premium subscription, I decided to download Pacifica. Both are depression and anxiety apps, the later more geared towards recording my mental well being daily and giving me a communal support group. At first I was hesitant about Pacifica, I can say it’s growing on me. I like the guided meditation and the interface. Though the private groups users created are hidden away but the public spaces there are very helpful. Reading about all the good things happening to people and then trying to help others, I feel so comfortable in that space.

When I was halfway through my time there, I finally decided to go home to pick up one more thing I should’ve brought with me while I was up there. My camera, how much I missed it. The next weekend I had I woke up early to catch the sunrise and went on a walking excursion.

A Month Ago – The Grind

Start from here.

It was absolutely slow knowing I’d be away for so long without my desktop. Luckily I didn’t bring a laptop, otherwise I was be stuck without internet. All I had was my phone and MP3 player to keep me company when I’m not working. Well…I did have a TV provided to me, a small plus since I could watch Star Trek Discovery and all the TV shows I usually download. I’m still one of those holdouts who pirate instead of streaming things on Netflix and the like.

I did however had the opportunity to go to Tim Horton’s or the mall to use the wi-fi there but I could never stay long enough to download something. When I did go, I would catch up with YouTube. When I wasn’t mooching, I just used my data to look things up or check Facebook and Instagram. Speaking of which, I did spend a lot of data and if you’re not from Canada, you could not feel how crippling going 8GB over your plan can be. Honestly it’s a small price to pay to stay sane.

I always had trouble sleeping when living in a new place. Even if it’s just for a couple nights in a motel. The first couple weeks I was struggling to sleep normally that after work I would just crash for a couple hours before dinner. After I had my belly filled, I would crash another couple hours in from of my TV. Waiting – waiting for the night to be morning.

A Month Ago – Here we go…

Hey everyone, kind of missed posting here. About a month ago, I was called to work and pretty much stayed there until I was done. I’ve been far away from home and now I feel settled in to tell you all the stuff that has happened since.

After reading through all the things I’ve jotted down for this lone post, I think it’s best to break it up in parts.

Sorry for teasing you. Hope the keywords don’t spoil anything.