nawkcire

Games, Tech and Blogging…I can't guarantee in that order.

Tag Archives: lifestyle

Not Going to Say It

My head is hurting so bad as I’m writing this, but I’m going to try so hard to pound out this post and hopefully someone can learn from my pain.

Recently I wanted to feel a bit youthful and a friend of mine invited to a party. Long story short, I woke up with a headache and feeling very ill.

This one is going to be super short since my head hurts so much from the rapping and tapping with the whirring of my case fan in my desktop.

So now I’m a bit too old and dorky to party. I’m going back to the bed and stay in the dark with little to no noise as possible.

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The Last Gentleman

This is definitely the last post for 2016, just in time and I doubt any of you will read this at the very last minute.

I don’t show much of my hobbies on my blog. The last time was when I gave you guys a tiny peek at my photography skills. Recently, I was back at it with my camera. I’m starting to really enjoy it. I love composing a shot, dialling in the focus and hearing the click. There is something thrilling about playing with the shutter and lighting. Maybe 2017 I’ll finally upload some photos.

However this recent excursion was disturbing to me. Might have been because I was carrying a camera or not, but it just seems respect is thrown out the window on Boxing Day. I was bumped and pushed aside in a downtown mall as I was taking pictures. It was late in the evening and yet people were running around like crazy trying to get deals already claimed in the morning. Drives me bonkers how Christmas turned into an occasion to spend money than helping others and Bring people together. It gets worse since somehow in the holiday greed, people lose sense of sensible civility in terms of manners. The “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me”, seems to come mostly from people in their 20’s and under. I don’t know what school’s are teaching kids these days, manners is definitely something slowly losing ground in a modern society.

Perhaps in 2017 all around the world, can we please be nicer and polite to each other than worrying about the bottom line? Thank you and have a nice day!

22 Push Ups

Going around the internet at the moment (and a few of you already seen on Facebook or other medias) is some a bit odd. Not as odd as the ALS ice bucket challenge a few years back, but it’s a bit practical. It’s gotten popular to the point where my coworkers have drafted me into this charity drive.

In the past I’ve tried things to change up my regimen in hopes something sticks. Definitively I’ve tried to go video game free for a few weeks and a few days on my blog a long time ago. Now my friends have challenged me to complete 22 push ups per day for 22 days. Between my readers and I, I’m starting to hit a point where I’m not very frequent.

Here’s how I would describe the challenge for those who haven’t heard about it. Upon nominated in a video in someone’s push ups, you have a day to complete your first set of 22 push ups. After that, the intent is to complete 22 push ups every day for 22 days. Every single day, you are to nominate a person to do the push up challenge.

Aside from my inconsistency, my work has been disrupting the push ups. Last week I’ve been out of town and away from an internet connection. Being away means I have to pre-record or post-record another day. I feel pre-recording is a bit cheating the system but at the same time I know I’ll be a day or two behind. At the moment of this blog post, I have a few days behind my push ups because I’ve been sleeping through the days. It’s not a good thing since I have a few things to do during the day. Still have to visit the dry cleaners and get ready for another Saturday work day.

In the end, I just hope I still can finish my push ups. I’m just reaching my first week into this and I’m definitely going to need the entire month to finish.

Editing Photos

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I’m getting pretty good with my camera. I’ve managed to take some good photos of scenes and portraits recently. Summer’s almost over and I think I’ve shot over 1000 and uploaded only under 50. I personally learned a few things just by shooting. More importantly I learned to shoot the same scene about three times using different settings. I usually find a better shot through the three photos; better in a way of how it looks and the colours I’ve captured.

Ever since I got my computer (almost a decade ago now), I downloaded a nifty image editor called paint.net to replace Microsoft Paint. Out of the box, the program is an improvement on MS Paint and feels has more control familiar to Photoshop. Recently I’ve jumped into the forums to find plugins for the open-source application, trying to find stuff I can use for editing photos. The community did deliver, I managed to find a package of plugins which focused on photography. After installing the files, I’ve been experimenting with a few of the effects. On some photos I used more effects than some I tweaked the white balance and the histogram.

While tweaking and playing around with the photos, I’ve noticed a few things about my photos. The problem I have is I can’t take pictures of the sky without having shaded objects look dark and vice versa. So for me to take pictures of sunsets, the foreground would appear dark while I get white out if I focus on a subject that is darker than the sky. Even with this, I’ve managed to snap a few photos. In the future I might try and take pictures using Canon’s .cr2 format which is a RAW format. Hopefully my system with an upgraded GPU can handle it.

Oh yeah, I bought a 950 GTX. But that’s a post for another time.

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Break’s Over.

Last week, I came back from my vacation. Honestly it was work related and I had to be away from my computer for two weeks. What was interesting was to rediscover my life when I returned. In my sanctum of my bedroom, writing room, sanctum of my inner thoughts and outer release, it describes my life and all my achievements within it.

No one and I mean no one has stepped into my room asides from myself. In this small cubicle with a curtained window, is a open panel computer; aging but holding on as clutter fills the space of my table. cables shunting data and power to a couple sockets in the walls. Creaky hardwood floors as my fan hums away as books and notes from a former life strewn across the top of this so called mess. Underneath are trickets poking out, a multitool, game controller, expired medications, a recently purchased watch. Surprising there is enough to place my phone to charge through my computer.

Behind the chair is a bed fit for one, not much for company but it’s a designated area where I sleep and keep warm in winter. As a guy, I own very little in shoes; a pair for work, casual for getting around, runners for the gym and semi-formal for job hunting. I have two backpacks, one filled with stuff from work and one with my camera gear which I recently purchased stowed within a camera bag itself. I don’t have a headboard but a small shelf sitting next to the door with boxes of games I bought long before Steam – collecting dust. CD’s I’ll never listen because I stream.

This room I consider mine is commandeered from it’s former purpose as a living room, so I have a couch. The couch like my desk is filled with clutter. Mostly everyday clothing I take and interchange from a pile. I do laundry on the regular but this pile is my week’s worth of clothing in a quick grab.

Coming home to this after staring at this for a decade is refreshing. It has given me the impression of the person of who I am from a third person perspective. What I see after a two week absence? Someone who is stuck holding on to the past while looking faithfully in the future. A person who wants to reach out but feels a bit of shame yet pride for all they have accomplished.

I am still here.

Discovery

The best part about being young is you have a fresh view of the world. You can always change and make it to what you want rather than following in someone’s footsteps.

I’m growing out of the youthful age but I still feel inside me as youthful but in a different way. As a kid, I couldn’t self express the way I wanted to and it seems now I’m catching up with listening to music and taking up photography. Even if you go back 5 years, I went creating a YouTube channel and this blog which is still an evolving piece of my life! I am still finding the self I am comfortable with and not the self people want to see.

We’re all still young, whether you are at the start or to the very end; there is something to find new and different. A part of living is to live in the shell you grew in, but as I’ve learned through this year discovering something for yourself is something beyond the shell.

Always find something new and discover it for yourself, you might find something what will transform you.

Homeward Bound

As I grew up I felt less and less at home in the house as I grew up. Even if it was inherited, I would still feel I don’t belong here. After decades of being in this house and the neighbourhood, it’s familiar but it’s not what I would call “home”.

Something aches inside me to want a place I can my own. A place I can call own, a place I belong. There is just a place I want to be; I don’t know where, whether it’s metaphysical or realistic but it’s there gnawing inside and I want to find it. This is what salmon feel when they swim upstream, you just know you have to go but you don’t know where. Even if it kills me, I want to know where this place is and if it’s even there.

I’ve laid in fields with fields above. In the empty void, in the silence, there has been that urge; the urge to go home or find it. Even when I’m the place I sleep and work, the calling is way too strong to ignore.

What exactly am I looking for, what is this urge? Will I even find it?

Giving up.

It’s tough, I have to admit, it’s tough to seek happiness and peace in life when everything antagonize negative thoughts. Much recently, it has been occurring a lot. There would be moments I feel so good and myself, then I would just feel tired and wanting to give up.

Ever since I got this job in the big wide world, I’ve learned a few things to help resist those thoughts. It’s a rough go at first to push myself to go back to the positive space in my mind. With a bit of help from my workplace, I’ve been able to do it. It might not help for you, but give some of these a shot. First, I do a breathing exercise. A slow inhale, about 4 seconds; I try to focus myself until I have no thoughts in my head or until I feel calmer. Sometimes it takes over a minute to feel the calm I need to move on. ┬áThe whole point is to have focus for the next part. Next I try to think about neutral and happy things. These can be petting animals, good moments I felt in my life, sleeping well after a long days work; stuff like these however limit it to one thing at time. I try to not push myself to spend more than a a few seconds because the moment would disappear. I keep doing this until I have collected myself to self affirm and validate myself as a person. Who I am, what I want in life, what I achieved, what will I want get done in this moment; positive “I can”, “I will”, “I shall” statements, out loud (I usually whisper it to myself) or in my head space to fill the neutral or positive void I’ve created. If it doesn’t work out, I focus on the breathing exercises; four seconds inhale and four seconds exhale.

It’s a slow progress to find the peace I need but from the couple years I’ve been at my job, I’ve had added one more thing on top. And here it is, whether you say it out loud is up to you:

There is no giving up, only surrender.

To surrender is to stop fighting.

To fight to find a meaning, a purpose, a cause.

There is more to in fighting than surrender.

DO NOT SURRENDER.

Short But Sweet

Video games is still happening on my YouTube channel. I’ve been playing more Stardew Valley, but I’ve been trying to find some time to record some Call To Arms after fixing the weird launch bug. I could not, but instead play some other sandbox game.

The past week has been pretty hot so my sleep pattern has been heavily erratic. There has been nights where I wake up sweating and nights I would lay in bed exhausted but so hot I can’t even pass out. I’ve been in this situation, I’ll persevere.

This week has been a bit hectic. I haven’t been keeping up with anything aside from taking photos and keep on top of my work. Since I don’t have anything to talk about this week, I think I should just share to what I have taken recently with my Canon Rebel.

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Until next time, enjoy these photos!

Trust.

I’m going to say this right now, since the last time I posted on my blog I am thankful for every game developer out there. Without their games, I would’ve ended up at home curled up in a ball and lost faith in humanity.

Trust to me in important, the way society works. To garner security and resources, trust has to be placed somewhere. You wouldn’t realize it but at this very moment, you put your trust in hundreds of people, mostly faceless, to protect you and make sure you have food and water for the next day. You rely a chain of people who ensure your money is worth something to buy the necessities within your society like clothes. Trust is a very delicate thing but it could create the strongest social bonds.

The scariest thing is when the trust is compromised. The momentary vulnerability can destroy the safety of yourself and those you care about it. Something said in confidence now for the world to hear. It definitely can destroy a person’s reputation and their perceptive character. For me, I can’t trust the person after it. It could be a long time to trust them again; could be years, could be never. Most of the time I hold trust as high as respect, fairness, honesty, loyalty, duty and service; this is the base I gauge my trust in others. Whether they are a group or an individual, these what I hold as above all. A person can have the same interests as I do; if they don’t hold or display these values, it’s unlikely I could ever trust them.

Trust is a risk no matter what anyone tells you. Trust is a culmination of what you know based on instinct. It’s not a guide but what you can build on top of the trust. Until next time, and I hope I can trust you, I’ll see you next time.