If you’re like me, you know you fallen onto so really bad times in your personal. You get into trouble or trouble finds you. When it comes down to it, everyone lives in pain. Whether it is mental or physical, we all have a weight on our shoulders. When we take it off, more is added and when we keep it on, the more heavier to feels.
There will be days when you get through the day dragging this baggage. For some, there are days when this baggage will hold you down and relentlessly beat you until you cannot fight anymore. For me, I have lived through the best and worst parts of my life and looking back on it, I still fear there will be days when I will be held down by my self. Through my voice, people would see someone tumbling through rough patches and small walls of negativity. Through my mind, I am a man standing in a warzone; battered and beaten as I lay hurt in a crater of mud and layered in sweat. Shocked to see how far I still need to travel, I know in my state I cannot run nor walk to safety. As the raindrops fall on a darkened sky, I know I’m still clutching on myself and what’s left.
People would describe succinctly as feeling depressed or sad. In reality, it’s an internal battle of self and the unknown enemy. The enemy knows you well to stop you in your tracks. The enemy knows where you will move and how to distract you. They will do what they can to hurt you and break you down. In this struggle, there are many who never see the end of the fight. Then there are those who dig in and make their stand. For those who don’t know this feeling from back to front, they will never understand how difficult it can be when it has destroyed you and you have to piece yourself to carry on.
When it comes to fighting, know your enemy. You can be hardest person on yourself or you can be the greatest asset in the arsenal. Once know how you are stopping yourself, you can find a way around it and push forward. You feel empty and without purpose? Find something with meaning and devote yourself to a goal. You feel you cannot live through the day? Get dressed and show the world you can live each day and each day is worth living. You lost a love? Find something worth loving, including yourself. Sometimes the the smallest step forward can lead to an aggressive advance to the right direction. All you need is one step, one small step forward.
When you find yourself able to pick yourself out of the emotional holes you have fallen in, you need to learn to carry on without feeling heavy anymore. This is not a quick fix, it is time you will need to learn. As a teenager, I fallen into many holes whether I push myself into them or someone else threw me in. I was the loner, the loser, the idiot, the useless child and the weakest of the bunch. I wanted more to my life but with hormones on high and reason so low, I felt it was my fault I feel into these holes even though most wasn’t necessarily my own. I wanted to conform, find a group and be one of them. In the end, the answers I wanted are those I wouldn’t expect. I am different; I don’t fear to be different. It took me a long time to realize the answer I wanted are not the ones I really needed but the ones I felt I need because I saw them on others. In all the sadness I caused in myself, I just needed to be different.
You are different too. The world might tell you what they think you are; the reality is in what’s in you mind. If you want people to see you as a person you are not, you will definitely be unhappy in keeping with a facade that is not you and will never become you. Find yourself, how you are rather than how you want others to see. Do not fear what you will find and embrace who you can become.
When you find yourself, you will find it’s easier to crawl out of the holes you will fall. Sooner or later you will find yourself marching forward into the darkness. And together we will march towards the darkness to fight to the bitter end. We might be fighting different battles, but we must not let the enemy know we have given up. Keep fighting and you will find other who will stand beside you to keep fighting. Life is a war, you have the power to change what you make of it. It may be harder on others, but you have to know, we are all in it together and we will prevail.