I’m finally home. I’m tired since I finished but I want to curl up in a ball and let my body just go into a slump again.
Now I’m back, I realize things can get much worse in a short amount of time. Working with short turn around times and under stress, I’ve learned a few things about myself that will always remain true. Firstly being grace under pressure; I might have it, then again sometimes I don’t. Really hard to explain it but when I’m given something to do and I know I can do it, I’ll get it done whether it is in an hour or in 15 minutes. As much as I can complete with calm and focus, I do panic and when I panic I can really make mistakes. Whether my scars and bruises prove this or not, I zone in so much that sometimes pain feels secondary. I feel it but it hurts more after the fact. After the fact, I’m still hurting and sore. I have a lot of dirty laundry to clean.
I’m finally here, home. No more weekend breaks to sleep in my room. Just a week before I get back to my normal working schedule which places my the amount of summer I have left to about under week. I’m planning to do as much as I can before this little break is over. Starting with uploading to my YouTube channel again, I miss playing games and sharing it. I never wanted to build on the channel it’s something on the side to keep me off the internet. I’ve said this many times before and I’ll keep telling myself this until I can fully stop. The weekends I did have, I’ve impulse buy binge. First it started with a Steam card. From there it was mostly alcohol and stuff I wouldn’t buy if I had my normal wages. In it all, I bought a new lens for my camera and a tripod. Definitely before the summer ends, I want to use both of them.
With them, I think I should do some travelling with both my tripod and camera. I want to take photos and scenes of places beyond my home. This summer, I took some incredible photos but I still want to take more before it’s done. Oh, I want see some movies. Even when alone, I want to at least have some fun with myself.
If I can’t have fun alone, who will I share this life? Underneath, I’m still the same person. Still reaching out and hoping in the dark, I feel a warm hand holding mine. Some things still don’t change. Or do they?