That’s one more summer…

I feel this year’s summer I’ve been pretty successful despite setbacks.

June was particularly sloppy considering not much was done and had some problems along the way. July was a bit fun but I had to buckle down a bit and keep my head down. With the Canadian National Exhibition, August wasn’t so bad though I missed most of it because I’ve taken a second job. Now it’s Labour Day in September and I have about a few weeks of summer.

Looking back metrically, I’ve taken a bunch of photos and was commission to do a short portrait session. For a friend, I got paid in pretty much in a meal at Five Guys. I should’ve asked for at least some monetary compensation. Oh well, it’s slightly better than photo credit. I’m hoping to get more freelance gigs like that consider I liked doing portraits. Now that I have a second job, I should really buckle down and earn some money to move out of this place. It’s pretty pricey living in the city but I’m thinking if I can hold a few good jobs, I can carve out a living. Doing stuff I like for money and doing stuff stuff I like for pleasure. Also this would give me the opportunity to try get into investing on selling prints online. I’ve tried licensing with 500px but since they changed their model, I’m kind of stuck using it as more of a portfolio on there. So plan B: start an online store and just sell limited runs of framed and unframed photos. Either on ebay or Amazon unless I can find a platform which is more suited to creative pursuits. I’ll say this is a maybe for fall and winter.

At the same time, my workplace has been pressuring me to pursue some sort of post secondary. Which doesn’t make sense because the only recommendation is this one program I can get recognition for experience and the certificate is so specific that there is nothing like it beyond this one employer. However it’s got me thinking, I should try and see if I can get university or college credit for my photography. I might ask some local colleges about their photography programs and just commit to an online or distance learning program. At least I can tell my workplace to lay off me on this thing. I’ve been a bit disillusioned by them recently after being mistreated a few times. Everyone thinks I’ll make it a career, but I don’t think I can be professionally held down.

That’s about it for this post. I’ve been kind of undulating between euphoria and depression for the entire summer. It comes and goes but on the latter half, I’ve been strict on my medication intake. No skipping on meds. I probably jinxed myself.


Hey There, Sobriety

So about a month and a bit ago, I decided to stop drinking alcohol. Straight cutting it out of my life indefinitely.

It has been a rough spring and I have made and haven’t made the right choices while I have heavily drinking. And yes, I was getting to the point where I would be drinking quite heavily every week.

It’s been god knows how long now with out a beverage and I’m definitely feeling and seeing some changes. I’ve been brooding a lot lately, I think it’s part jealousy and surprise. A lot of dating drama around the people close to me. As much as I want to escape from it, I can’t and it’s just hurting me a little bit at a time. In lieu of spirits for my spirit, I’ve grown a bit fond of soda. To be honest, been drinking mostly ginger ale to aid digestion. However I’m fortunate to know a soda cafe so I can drop in for some really great drinks made in-house.

At the moment, I’m really unsure if I want to do this considering I feel a bit alienated from my peers when we go to a bar. Yet I feel a bit content with myself with what I’m doing. I’m not doing anything that might make me feel unsafe and I think I don’t necessarily have people I feel comfortable drinking around now with so much going on.

I’ll just see how it goes.

I love/hate summer.

Finally summer is rearing it’s head out. I know for sure since my room in the late evening feels like a humid furnace. Happens every year and as annoying and dangerous as it is to live in my room, I’m glad for cool shade and a beautiful sunsets.

This summer, I do plan on taking less time for work and more focus on photography. Actually I’ve been closely following what 500px is doing and I’m glad they’re letting Getty distributing images from the website. Though it doesn’t seem like there are any details about it yet. But hopefully I can sell the few I have there. Meanwhile I finally have my account there set up to receive funds. So hopefully I will eventually see someone why some of my photos. I still haven’t been able to physically work on getting my work physically out there. I think framed prints can still sell. I guess I’ll find out in the next month.

All the while, it’s starting to feel like summer. I’ve been pulling all the stops to really enjoy this year’s warm weather. Definitely taking my camera out and doing some travelling. I’ve planned on seeing a concert in June. Recently I tried to even catch most of the photography festival that was going on here; I didn’t see much but at least I can say I attended.

This summer I’m going to do my best to really bring out my full potential in photography. Main goal and hopefully learn something new along the way as well.

Things Don’t Change…Do They?

I’m finally home. I’m tired since I finished but I want to curl up in a ball and let my body just go into a slump again.

Now I’m back,  I realize things can get much worse in a short amount of time. Working with short turn around times and under stress, I’ve learned a few things about myself that will always remain true. Firstly being grace under pressure; I might have it, then again sometimes I don’t. Really hard to explain it but when I’m given something to do and I know I can do it, I’ll get it done whether it is in an hour or in 15 minutes. As much as I can complete with calm and focus, I do panic and when I panic I can really make mistakes. Whether my scars and bruises prove this or not, I zone in so much that sometimes pain feels secondary. I feel it but it hurts more after the fact. After the fact, I’m still hurting and sore. I have a lot of dirty laundry to clean.

I’m finally here, home. No more weekend breaks to sleep in my room. Just a week before I get back to my normal working schedule which places my the amount of summer I have left to about under week. I’m planning to do as much as I can before this little break is over. Starting with uploading to my YouTube channel again, I miss playing games and sharing it. I never wanted to build on the channel it’s something on the side to keep me off the internet. I’ve said this many times before and I’ll keep telling myself this until I can fully stop. The weekends I did have, I’ve impulse buy binge. First it started with a Steam card. From there it was mostly alcohol and stuff I wouldn’t buy if I had my normal wages. In it all, I bought a new lens for my camera and a tripod. Definitely before the summer ends, I want to use both of them.

With them, I think I should do some travelling with both my tripod and camera. I want to take photos and scenes of places beyond my home. This summer, I took some incredible photos but I still want to take more before it’s done. Oh, I want see some movies. Even when alone, I want to at least have some fun with myself.

If I can’t have fun alone, who will I share this life? Underneath, I’m still the same person. Still reaching out and hoping in the dark, I feel a warm hand holding mine. Some things still don’t change. Or do they?


Fallen Plans

As the summer starts, I’m starting to think all the plans I’ve set a couple months are starting to fall through. Right now I’m sort of scrambling with finding something to keep myself occupied with for the next a few months. Unlike last year, I think the internet will benefit from this scrambling.

I was hoping I was going to work for the entire summer. I’ve been in contact with my employer and it seems they don’t know what to do with me or I got it easy (or difficult, depending how you look at it). Now a week into June, I’m making some expensive plans for my YouTube channel and perhaps my new camera. I had everything planned; I was going to end my Life is Strange playthrough and start a summer hiatus, then I would spend the remaining days before I was slated to work to take up a hobby and go to the gym a bit more. At the moment, it seems the hobby and gym might be the largest component in my entire life until I have something to do. I might even seek employment all summer; if there is an employer who will hire me in short notice.

Short term futures right now, I have purchased a new game on Steam. It was on sale called Call To Arms, it appears to be a modern warfare RTS game I might be recording . Along with recording a new game, I’m jumping back into Insurgency and Borderlands 2. For Borderlands 2, I purchased the Collector’s Edition so I have a few DLC packs I can record. Insurgency received an achievement and map update so I’ve decided to record a bunch of compilation of some of these achievements as well as maps I’ve may or may not have played in the past. That should cover a month or so of content online. As for personal content, I will have to really coerce myself to the gym and spend the soon-to-be sunny summer days outside snapping photos and hopefully get into a bit of trouble. I promise I won’t end up in jail or on the evening news, haha!

This is all I have for now for updates and progress. Hopefully I have something to show next week.

A Little Everyday

Recently I returned from working up north, things have been more or less back to normal with some small changes. I got back into recording videos on YouTube and writing here. However I dawned on my in a conversation with someone over Steam, I could be much different from the person I was about a month and a half ago.

As I talked to this guy, I spoke of doing good unto others and phrases which equate to righting the wrongs in the world. In a way, it’s seen in the way I play Interstellar Marines recently. Rather playing  as the guy who would run into a room with bots, I’m now reviving teammates and thinking more about my approach than gunning everything in co-op. I think somewhere I have became a bit more selfless and humble.

Like anyone who likes dining, people here partake in a customary tip. Usually a gesture of good will which amounts to 10% minimum of the goods and services rendered. Of course awhile back, I did tell you guys how I tip when it comes down to doing the deed; 10% minimum for good service and up to 20% if I enjoyed myself with excellent service. Though recently I’ve been tipping fairly well for food I would once put in 10%; I’m not giving out over 20% but I would ballpark it as 15% average tip in recent days. At the heart of the matter I feel it might have been all I’ve experienced in the past month. Hard work with very little to show for it and working a job some may revile while some revere. For me, the work I’ve dedicated myself into is more for me. Selfish as sounds, it has definitely taught me a few things about people and how they conduct themselves. It has pushed me to the limits of my personality and professionalism to show who I truly am and shockingly, I can be more than the gamer in his room writing about world.

Working my entire body into a sore mess has shown me a few things. Though I doubt it qualifies me as a counsellor of any kind, I think it’s worth sharing. Whoever and wherever you are, whatever you do; I want to know, there are people worse off than you. When I started working about 8 months ago, I knew parts of my job will suck a whole lot. Many peers I use to know, they couldn’t hash it because it wasn’t something they enjoyed. However for me, something stuck onto me that I can never take off. This job, this occupation of mine has taught me there are certain people who take the job for two either reason; the benefits or the experience. In the end, the ones in it for the experience seem to stick around longer. Indeed money talks, but the heart knows more than money can buy. So to those who take up minimum wage jobs in their mid-adulthood with family counting on them to put food on the table, I totally understand the struggle. To those who have an endowed salary, I ask of you to think of others.

Those who are getting paid well off and have everything, life isn’t about the accumulation of wealth but of the experiences you inherit. In mathematics, there are two infinities; countable and uncountable. Countable being the elements which you can quantify while uncountable infinity is the values between. Example of countable would be whole numbers from 1 onward. Uncountable are more like real numbers, 0.5762 for example; there are a lot of numbers between 0 and 1 alone. Much can be said about living and working. Many of work long shifts for very little and yet enjoy it while some work for the benefits and not necessarily enjoy their work. Some are them even worse off, they don’t like their job and it pays almost nothing; but they’re doing it anyways. Employment is much like uncountable infinity, there’s always something better but this is what you have counted for now. Anyone can have a long employment history; but the experiences you had are the uncountables, they decide the worth of the sum of your employment.

For many who have never seen the stars at their workplace, sat as the crickets chirped, seen sights so very few would only imagine in video games and dream; the longing to make it all worth it is in you. Even though you get paid a lot or none, it’s not about making money, life is not about making money but about what you do with it. Survival is engrained into us, get the resources we need for another day. When you have too much, we tend to hoard it. When we have very little, we try longer until we have it all. In the end, none of that matters. Money to me is part of the great answer I seek. I want my life to be known more than just a number, a countable number. I want it know for the moments I spent, all the uncountable moments. Moments that changed me and taught me rather than the value of all the moments on a pay check.

So until next time, let’s start counting our experiences together.

Summer Plans

Though my entire summer has been occupied with work, I still have a month and  half to go before fall. As I am writing this in early June, I think I will be out of contact for the time being when this is published. In any case, I have already planned a few things out for the summer.

With warm weather, I want to continue to be more active. Much like last year, I think I will have a lot of time swimming this year. I find swimming laps to be a bit calming. However, I would like to still go to the gym as usual. I want to definitely take in some sights around the city when I can get it. I’m not the most culturally sound person, but there are probably some events and festivals going around the city I could check out. Anything food related would be kind of cool; I’m not much of a music culture person, I like my own little world of my teenage musical machinations. In April (or what it March?), I bought my first airsoft gun. As of June, I have not used said gun. To remedy, I think I am going to look up local fields or other players who would like to take me under their wing and show my the ropes fo the sport

When I return from my hiatus from the Internet, I am definitely wanting to play more video games. On my YouTube channel, I think I want to buy a Steam card and start a new game. In recent history, I have been playing Cities: Skylines and a bit of Trove before I left in June. Who knows what games I will buy at the moment, I want to play an RPG or an FPS. I have considered replaying Fallout New Vegas and even playing the entirety of Skyrim. At the moment, I’ll decide once I have time to record again.

Until next time, I’m still away and hopefully I get to hear from you all soon.

Summer’s ending…next week…

Okay, this weekend kind of sucked so much. I take that back, the past couple weeks sucked so much. Like it’s been more and more of a down experience and a confident middle finger to everything I’m trying to get out. I honestly don’t know where to really start since it’s been one sad slap to the face.

Started when my sister berated me over submitting my military application. Telling my to submit with what I have now. I would feel more confident if I have all the requisites filled and filed rather than “just hand it in”. I’ve never told her to pay her tuition with the money out of her pocket since “that’s all you have, it’s good enough”. I’m not an asshole, I do what I do best – play the game. Anyways, if she wants me too I’ll do it. But only if I can get a bet in there somewhere to prove her the repercussions of her arrogance. I know she’s trying to help me out. However, this is a really large shot in the arm that might not be worth taking. Stupid is what stupid does.

Last week up to Saturday, I’ve been following up on Jack Layton’s funeral and the whole orchestrated procession through Toronto. Though the state funeral was a nice upgrade from the humble funeral he might’ve received, I still think a quiet one would’ve been perfect. That’s just me though on how people should really go. I mean in a humbling way and not in a mass public spectacle. Just something to leave the world with a single thought about itself and not about yourself. Admittedly I’m pretty young to think about death, death itself is serendipitous. Could take many decades for me, but still a likelihood death’s doorstep is just around the next action I take. Maybe it’s time I should really write up and keep a will in case. My career might get dangerous and I wouldn’t mind keeping something to make sure all the good stuff goes back to my family (or to science). Either affect, I’ve been feeling pretty down about thinking of both.

With summer coming to a close, every fleeting moment reminds me of what I’ve pretty much done all summer. I have to admit, I did truly try. Completed or attempted a lot of things. Renewed my vision on how I should live my life. Time well spent.

So how’s everyone’s summer?

New Summer Project And Enjoying The Frustrating Thrill Of Macro/Script Programming

So with my last post, I did talk about scripting and macros for Runes Of Magic. After that little blog post, I began learning how to make simple tweaks and commands to make a few simple things the game has yet to really own up to from it’s vanilla UI (vanilla is lingo for original/regular especially about modding and UI stands for “user interface”). So I think it’s up to me to learn a bit about how the game works. So I’m starting a new project for the summer to learn about programming for the UI and maybe produce something simple at first. Then maybe expand on making something complex. I’ll try and stick to chat commands since I find it handy to know a few to see what’s going on and such. From there, I hope to achieve making frames (the UI windows). The end goal if I fully choose to go with is a full suite of new things in-game I could do.

Along the way, I think I’ll publish them to people reading my blog (that’s you!). Probably incremental versions with little or no tweaks. I doubt I would really release one big one for people to explore.

You must be asking “Can’t you take someone else’s program?” or “Can I contribute?”. First off I would like to say, I rather learn about it thank just taking people’s work and working closer to my own. Though there are many add on’s in this game that likely they’re all clones anyways. This is more strictly to learn about programming in LUA and just experiencing a portion of what it’s like to be a developer. And to that, people can contribute by offering to test it out and provide feedback on my work. Though it’s not my first time handling code, it’s definitely a new programming language that could be similar to Turing or HTML (hopefully what I’ve learned in high school can help me).

Of course it’s going to be awhile until I have the first addition. So keep checking back. For now I leave you with a few questions if you guys wouldn’t mind helping me out. Leave me comments on the following:

-What should I name my add-on?

-Would you like testing it in Runes Of Magic? (Of course everyone will have the opportunity, I just want to know)

-Have you ever downloaded an add-on to an MMORPG? If so, why did you do it?

For now, I leave you with a screenshot of what’s going to be an adventure of the frustrated mind of an add-on developer.

...okay, now what?