End of 2018

It’s getting close to the end of this year. As I’m writing this, I have hardly slept and spent a few nights laying in bed wondering and thinking to myself. I have slowed down in writing my thoughts in my blog in this latter half because I haven’t been too well since my doctor passed away. I am still hoping I will get the help I need before it’s too late. I just have to practice and find a balance to everything which I hope can help me away from my malaise.

I haven’t picked up my camera in the past month. Starting to feel bad about it since I haven’t taken a lot of photos. Looking through it’s viewfinder, I miss how it feels and the joy it use to make me feel. Perhaps around Christmas or after Boxing Day I’ll take up photography again. The most difficult part right now is keeping up with work.

Getting a seasonal gig with my former employer is great, despite all the pain I went through last year. I hope eventually it will turn into a part time job considering the first time I felt fairly qualified to work more than a sales associate, assistant manager perhaps? Regardless I’m glad and I get to see all the people I’ve met before, though I have forgotten most of their names.

As what I hope to be the second last post of the year I guess I should try and make a list of all I have accomplished this year. As per my doctor’s last recommendation, I’m starting to look into a lot of cognitive therapy to cope. So…accomplishments:

  • Went to Niagara Falls for the first time In January it’s still beautiful despite the cold, icy, wet weather. I wish I spent more time.
  • Surpassed 300 photos on 500px. Also surpassed 10, 000 shots on my first DSLR camera.
  • Bought a new laptop. For now I have two but eventually I will have one once I feel comfortable enough to part this old thing I found in the trash. You have served me well.
  • New toys! Bought two used lenses, one (almost) brand new lens, and a used camera body. Overall I paid market price after having them professionally cleaned.
  • More recent, started to look into sleep meditation and actively managing my depression. The ADHD behaviors I can accept but the feeling sad stuff needs a lot of attention.
  • Enjoyed a long lost hobby, reading! I’m nowhere near attentive for novels but I’ll accept a good narrative after playing Life is Strange and Life is Strange: Before the Storm. Which reminds me, I should preorder the comic book.
  • Finished Fallout 4. Now I can move on to other games. Hopefully that gaming list shrinks quickly.
  • Paramore!! Second time I saw them live. Still great but I connected more with their previous album.
  • Getting on the dating scene? A bit embarrassing but I can own up to it. Been on way more dates than the last 4 years combined. No winners…yet.
  • A year without Star Trek Online. I haven’t logged in for so long. I think I can finally move on since the Kelvin timeline and Discovery kind of gave me a sour taste for it.
  • Nuit Blanche art event. Spent the entire night checking out all the arts and culture. Last year was way too political. Still very crowded if not worse.
  • Bought CD’s. An old medium but once I get a portable disc player, I’m going to have fun.
  • I got Instagram to share some photos.
  • I got business cards, I wish I could add my Instagram on them. They came first.

Still more to come in the last few weeks. My plans are to buy the SNES Classic and maybe the NES. I’m thinking of another Niagara trip either Niagara-On-The-Lake or somewhere small. I still want to snap photos and hopefully punch through to 400 on 500px. Lastly…

…I want to write my final post for the year. Stay tuned!

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Pretty Beat

Recently I’ve been struggling keeping up with the hobbies. I’ve been partially working or been on my feet. It’s summer or what it feel like it here, but it’s a good time for photography. This year I’m hoping the summer will be more productive for photos. At the same time I’m excited to finish Fallout 4, however another game is slowly taking over my life.

Yes, after a couple years…I finally downloaded Pokemon Go. Just this past Friday and since then, I realize how dangerous this ago because I almost got hit by two cars and bumping right into a wall. Luckily I’m not so mindless that I would run full steam. However walking distracted is dangerous, especially in a large city involving many sharp objects. It’s like being a child again and your parents forgot to make the entire house child safe. Anyways, I’ll be trying to stay away from playing while moving. Though I kind of understand most of the good stuff in the game is found on avenues. So if anyone is still curious, please look and bee aware of your surroundings; this is not a drill.

With photography, I would like to push out and use my tripod more often. However at the same time, I want to travel and shoot something different. Seeing my city kind of loses it’s appeal. I like landscapes here and I think this year I’m blooming into street photography. I usually stayed from taking pictures of people in this shots. So shyness from snapping people, it’s diminishing and I’m getting comfortable with finding the shot with people in the scene.

Anyways, that’s where I am now. After the crazy stuff happening in the world and restraining to spout all the problems around me, I’ll try and write down the topic and hopefully I will remember it later.

Anniversary Post & Latent Replies

I’ve been out from posting the past few weeks. I had no time to compose anything. The past few weeks with work bogged down, I had only time to shower and eat and nothing more. Let me just say life in retail has been short but I’ve learned the good side and bad side of retail.

During the Christmas retail season, I’ve learned much about what sales associates go through. To be honest with you, it’s frustrating and stressful for everyone involved. However having a hostile work environment does make it worse which was the unfortunate circumstance I had to be in after several months of working at the same place. Right on the Eve, I’ve had it and I think my manager has the same with me. I don’t consider this individual as my employer but just a slave driver. Anywho, that’s probably a drunken rambling for the next anniversary post.

So it’s that time of year again where WordPress likes to tell me it’s “our” anniversary. I made this joke before but it’s worth mentioning. It’s a long term relationship and probably the longest I will ever have. Haha. No matter, I just like having this little digital sanctum to journal my life. Looking forward to the new year, I still do think I have a lot of interesting things to do.

This year is actually going to be a snowy new year. Grabbing my camera and definitely travelling locally to see new vistas. Speaking of which, I should get back to uploading more photos on my 500px page.  With the little time I’ve had I’ve managed to do something new and special for myself. I preface, this is not a sponsored post. For the past months, I’ve been considering getting personal business cards especially for my photography portfolio. I’ve been shopping locally until I found a shop called VistaPrint. I found later after my first visit, they are actually an online company and this being their flagship store. After finding the time to return for a repeat visit, I finally order about 500 cards. It might be overkill, but it’s was a steal since it was only $10 with their holiday offer. Otherwise I would’ve gotten a smaller amount, like 100 or so. I’m a bit excited though I wish I had something cooler to put on the card. Hopefully I’ll get them shortly in the new year.

I’m still doing the YouTube thing and playing all the games. Actually Steam has their annual winter sale, I’ve bought a few more games which I won’t be playing until next Christmas. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to play them all and upload something.

For now I’ll just enjoy the bit of relaxed unemployment. Probably get back to do my own photography. If they call me for work, I did make my intent known. I was going to play nice to declare my resignation two weeks before I leave but this manager really put it out there. Technically not illegal from what I’ve read however they have to let me know if I have been terminated. Don’t care, I’ve voluntarily withdrew my employment in a busy store and it’s the holiday season and if I remember correctly I have most if not the entire law on my side as the employee. My only regret is I wish I could work with my old manager, they were way more polite and way more helpful this garbage person. Though hopefully I can be re-employed under my old manager than any other.

Anyways, I’m glad I have a few days to myself.

And….burnt

Well, I tried writing those fictional letters for about 9 weeks. I must admit I’m a bit burnt out. On the bright side looking back, I think I haven’t lost my touch in creative writing.

I’m going back to writing as per usual, blogging my own life is preferable than a fake one (No matter I wish it was real.) Since I started it, I’ve been heavily busy with a second job. Surprisingly both jobs are fairly steady but I have trouble to find free time since I get really fatigued after a day of work.

Looking ahead, I’m trying to start a small business. I’ll let you know how it turns out. At the moment, I want to pay off all the money I put into buying my DSLR and it may or may not succeed the way I would like it. At least I could have the potential to make back all the money I’ve lost.

The Other Side.

Recently at work, I have been on the opposite of where I was over a year ago. Rather than being the trainee, I was supporting the staff in training.

I had a year of learning my job and now looking back, it feels like a lifetime has passed since then; sitting in a remote field, I can’t help but think. It’s been almost a decade since I got out of school, almost two years into the second steady job I’ve had since I started working; this nostalgic feeling under the bough of this lone tree, I can’t help but crack a smile.

Sometimes, it does feel there isn’t enough time to really sit back and watch it all go by; life in it’s minute workings, then seeing a bit of yourself without your ego. You were once there and now here you are on the other side of the machine, the painting, the tableau. It’s beautiful knowing all he hardships have brought you have right back around, yet there is nothing you want more to keep going not matter how tiring it can be.

There may be days when it can be slow, mindless and monotonous. The know there are others around you coming from different backgrounds coming together for similar things, it’s something…zen about it. Even on a hot day where I want to do nothing but drink water and watch the clouds go by, just a bit of work in the mix made it something worthwhile.

Perhaps the most worthwhile things are those we don’t necessarily see but it is when we see it.

Another Bad Day

This week has been something. My employer needed a few guys to commit to a few days of work, I was happily volunteered. However as much I enjoy working, there are people I with which I don’t want to near. I think every able body person who has or is employed experienced “that one coworker”. I really have no where to vent my frustration so right now at 5 in the morning on my garbage pail of a blog is as super as it gets.

For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Hank (“Hank…..Grill”, come on it’s a good reference). So this guy has two part time jobs I know of, this and something else unimportant to my frustration. The fact most of the time I’ve seen him show up to these things, he’s either late or not dressed for work. Usually normal people come to work early to change or come to work dressed appropriately, right? I usually do either, come an hour early to dress or dress at home and go to work. That’s a minor thing, Hank has more up his sleeve. Not only he dresses at work right when we’re starting work, he dresses right in the middle of the hallway with his stuff crammed into a bag. I don’t know about you, but my workplace does have rules about where and when you take off your clothes. As much as this hallway is usually unused, it’s still visible and could be misconstrued as sexual harassment if you have your pants down. I turn the corner and all I see is Hank changing, accidental and also the fact I had to enter a door right where he was changing. After he changed, he told me he could report me for sexual harassment. It’s only 20 minutes into my workday, I’m already threatened and harassed by this tardy creature.

By lunch, I’ve managed to complete my work in relative seclusion. Tip my hat for my ADHD for keeping me in line to finish everything and starting the afternoon’s workload. The afternoon that day was perhaps the greatest test of my patience and a field test of situational and anger management skills. Now Hank in the middle of the day is looking over my shoulder telling me what to do. “Hey man, can you work faster?”, “I think you should do it like this.”, “Here let me do this.” Now I’ll go on why I don’t like him saying that last phrase. To put things into perspective, let’s have the standard model of a corporate or company ladder. New guys on the bottom rung, then the manager, execs, and CEO’s up top. This guy and I are on the same rung, meaning he can’t tell me what to do as a fellow coworker. He can advise me but he was insistent and invasive, a few times getting close to my personal space. And Hank’s work ethic is fairly satisfactory, he just gets his work done. Quality and person who completes it varies. I’m not saying Hank is lazy, just if he shut his pie hole and focused on the task at hand then perhaps I don’t have to cover his work. Which comes to “here let me do this”, there have been occasions where I had to let him do things. Whether it’s in front of my manager or I thought he had insight when I first met him, in reality the blunt end came down on my end if the work was my responsibility. Therefore I don’t trust Hank or anyone else to pull my weight, if I don’t complete it then it’s my responsibility.

Two days of this! Two days! Day one I came home and shut myself out from the world. Second day when I showed up, I was emotionally numb inside. Hank’s got an ego and a narcissistic personality and he power trips and manipulate anyway he can to abdicate his workload onto others. This post itself is me putting it lightly because I want to tell you, my loyal readers, this message:

As I kid, I never wanted to work. Now I found a job I enjoy, I wouldn’t want it anymore from my employment (maybe money, but money isn’t much of an issue right now). I think with my experience working with Hank, I feel it completes what I think people caught in bad employment feel. I understand why you hate those days and you hate being there, you can’t escape the pain and it’s almost torture. You do it any ways because you have to, there is no choice since money is what you need for everything else. I understand you have things you have to achieve and these are the risks to your reward. I get you and I don’t pity you. I like my job but I can’t say the same to you, I respect you because you live in your nightmare of your doing. I say, fight on regardless how tired and scarred you are; you can get through this even if it means one more day, one more task. I’m proud of you, gentle being. I know you have a Hank at your workplace and perhaps more but you can make this job work. Good luck to you!

Day 23 – Lottery

30-day-blogging-challenge1
From https://hugaslittlehouse.wordpress.com

In the essence of odds and luck I haven’t won anything particular, cash nor gifts. Every “free” thing I’ve received was earned or came as a deal. When someone offers me “free money”, I get mildly suspicious because I have not won it ever.

However this blog is the what if scenario of if I did. To preface, the money would have to substantial. When I was a kid, a million dollars was something grand and would seem to sustain you for the rest of your life. As an adult, it doesn’t seem quite the case. The stipulation for the money would be it would be a sum that would allow me to not work for a long time.

Even with such an amount, I would try my best to make the money count. As boring as it sounds, I would try and put it into stocks and bonds. Risk a bit more and see if I can get just a bit more out of it. As for the rest of it, I would try and spend it on things I would need in the future. Like buy a nice place to live, pay the bills and try and use the money to enjoy myself. I do like recording gameplay on my computer so I might consider buying a better computer and getting a better ISP to upload and stream gameplay when I’m not working.

I would trade away the Lamborghini and mullion dollar mansions for a small house and custom computer. Still making a wage while doing what I like doing.