April 19, 2017
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Recently I was faced with a bit of envy, I had not expect I would be feeling jealous. In returned I’ve may have stepped over the line yet again.
I was surprised when I was drawn into a conversation about relationship and personal preference over a romantic interest. Me and my big, fat, ugly mouth said a few things in passing that may have been misconstrued to be one large topic. I think I should shut up from what I know about relationships, which is very little.
In the dump of conversation, there were a few nuggets I took away and reminded me of who I am. I live in a cosmopolitan city with many people of many views about everything. In a way, my old fashion ways mingle with the a contemporary ideal of a romantic interest or a relationship. It’s really difficult to really argue for what I would consider to be the right person for me. I have an idea of what I would like but at the same time others may feel it’s a daunting challenge. Reality of the situation is to not fit into the mould I’ve created, but show me a better mould for me. It’s an odd metaphor but it is close to what I look for in a partner. It’s hard to find someone like minded and with similar interests. I would like that special somebody but at the same time, I would like her to surprise me as well.
Perhaps rather than talking about what I want, I should just shut up and let it happen.
March 11, 2017
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I’ve been trawling the political news in the past month and the world seems to be alight with borderline hate speech and free speech. It’s even making me nervous since every culture has suffered it’s troubles but a few are open to kill and hurt everyone to feel superior.
We as a people were born to treat all with fairness and justice, no one is better and no one can take away who you are as a human being. It’s disturbing and rightly eye opening to the intolerant language being propagated in society. I always want to look into the future but seeing the squabbles over race, how can we ever meet to the challenge something new and different? Economically, we’re addicted to petroleum and only dancing around alternative energies. Politically, we’re still divided by ideologies and geographic bias. How can we justify change when we can’t even make the changes within?
Someone once told me society is a house. A house everyone wants to live in, it can be built and be torn down. However there is only one house and we all must live in it. The house might be cramped but when you burn the house down, no one can live in the house. What is the point of living in a house if you were going to burn it down?
I guess I’ll leave it there for this week. Something to think about.
February 23, 2017
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I know I haven’t been staggering away from my traditional weekly blog posts, I’ve been caught up with work recently. A lot of out and about work and with the recent weather, I’ve been taking my camera out in the warm sunny days.
However I’ve been holding back writing a post about relationships because I should really be the last person to give relationship advice. I take that back, I should be the bottom ten people you should ask. In the past month or two, everyone is either getting in trouble with relationships or wanting to leave a relationship. As the nice single male I am, I always suck myself into these conversations with “Tell me about it.”
I want to be the helping hand and open ear for someone to feel good. A lot of people I’ve talked to drink heavily after a relationship; not going to lie if I had the money, I would’ve done the same. Usually drinking alone and suffering is the same, nothing is solved and it will still hurt at the end. The weird thing is I find one within the pair who was seeking more than just a physical relationship and that’s what gets me.
I do believe in this century, there are variability in the definition of love but the still hardest to grasp I’ve seen and witness is romantic love. I’ve had closely had a romantic relationship and compared to people I’ve meet seemed to want the same, the love of another person. I almost want to tell them a daring truth that what they seek is not a physical embodiment of love but a love which can only be received in kind and care. Even then I don’t think they would reciprocate in the sense to understand romantic love but to rationalize their needs in that context. Romantic love is not a date on the calendar or a price tag, it’s the devotion and the willingness to weather hardships of not your own but others. Still as you read this, some will say it’s easy or asking how but that is the difficulty of romantic love and how I think it’s the greatest of loves. If done right it can reciprocate with bounty and if done incorrectly can hurt the most toughest of souls.
I would want that romantic love but it is just an idea most people see as unobtainable. From my point of view even if I don’t ever find that romantic love, I will still look for it and her.
January 21, 2017
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This week was interesting, I’m not into politics but I do follow what’s going on in the world. Judging by the controversy behind the newly President-Elect, he seems an unpopular fellow with some. From all the news and articles streaming out of the United States, it just sounds like another Civil War is igniting but I doubt it’s the case.
It is an interesting change in power as the the last term served was focused on erasing gaps and borders, rooting the republic back to the beginning of a just and open governance for the people. This week has been ominous and synonymous with the end of that dream, trading for hard capitalism and the power to the 1%. As much as I lean to the latter, I still have hope no matter what their new government will do.
A democratic nation is a nation of choice, do not choose to hate but choose to hope. Hope for a better future, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for all your dreams. When you believe in something, then there is something still worth fighting for; but not fight with swords and steel. Fight with the yearning in your heart for the just and hopeful. Whether you don’t stand for them, stand to believe in those without a voice to have a voice.
As a student to American history, the people do possess one power no leader can ever take. The power to change, use that power for the good and just for all. Not of one creed or race, but for all. The United States of America is only strong as those who are willing to endure and fight for those of very little, the very weak and the very lost. Give them more, get them strong and help them find the way.
This will be an interesting 4 years coming up and no one knows how it will turn out. But we all must endure it together.
December 18, 2016
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Well it’s almost Christmas 2016, close to it by this blog. Looking back on old articles and posts I’ve written on here, I can’t help feel a solemn peace. A peace I have never felt in so long. Been too busy to care, moving too fast to stop, digging in but not looking up. I might have said this plenty in the past but it seems every year (at least once in the year), I can feel I’m really to relax a bit.
I seem to either be working, playing video games or looking for more work; never do I have the time to sit and see the path I’ve paved for myself. Those long lost letters I’ve kept which I never sent, the posts and status updates dug up from my past. Surely digital networks keep me in the loop about everything horrible in the world. In the end, this network isn’t the network I’ve been needing in my life. The network I’ve been looking for is from within me and what I can do right for people. The positive qualities I’ve forgotten are now rediscovered; listening, critical thinking, empathy, compassion. I’ve forgotten all about me that it feels quite alien to know this is the person I am. I’m starting to believe in a truth; the internet can being us close, but it can distance us away from who we are in terms of self-identity.
That truth echoes from the people I’ve met who put themselves into that internet culture. When they’re not on their phones, they act like normal people. Social media and an “always online” culture is turning us into terrible people. It doesn’t mean we should go cold turkey; just moderate the time we spend.
In the end, time is all we have and we will never have more of it.
October 21, 2016
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A couple weeks ago while I was writing the last blog post, I kept getting calls throughout the week. At first I understand these people are being paid to call me to sell me the company I subscribe to for my telecom service. However after the third phone call in a week, I’m starting to get fed up.
Of course it makes sense companies call you by their means to be friendly to let you know you’re due up to renew your service after a contract (if you have one). As important is to keep repeat business going to make money off their customers. However I’ve been called a few more times than usual within the week. Prior to this, I would receive the occasional text about local discounts on entertainment and venues. Those customers similar to me might know this company.
It sounds to me this company is desperate. Their constant calls in the evening seem to be more hostile than informative. It’s really getting on my nerves that around 8:10 in the evening, a lady calls me to tell me about their “new fast internet service” they would like to offer to me as a “loyal customer”. There are a bunch of problems.
Starting with the speed of about 25 mbps, it’s great speed – incredible speed, even. However at $50 a month, I am still paying for my internet. No matter how affordable it may be, my current living arrangement has given me access to the Internet. My income isn’t enough to pay more bills considering I would pay double for communications. So if my phone company is reading this, know this – please stop calling me. I’m set for the time being.
Thanks for “considering”.
September 23, 2016
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Going around the internet at the moment (and a few of you already seen on Facebook or other medias) is some a bit odd. Not as odd as the ALS ice bucket challenge a few years back, but it’s a bit practical. It’s gotten popular to the point where my coworkers have drafted me into this charity drive.
In the past I’ve tried things to change up my regimen in hopes something sticks. Definitively I’ve tried to go video game free for a few weeks and a few days on my blog a long time ago. Now my friends have challenged me to complete 22 push ups per day for 22 days. Between my readers and I, I’m starting to hit a point where I’m not very frequent.
Here’s how I would describe the challenge for those who haven’t heard about it. Upon nominated in a video in someone’s push ups, you have a day to complete your first set of 22 push ups. After that, the intent is to complete 22 push ups every day for 22 days. Every single day, you are to nominate a person to do the push up challenge.
Aside from my inconsistency, my work has been disrupting the push ups. Last week I’ve been out of town and away from an internet connection. Being away means I have to pre-record or post-record another day. I feel pre-recording is a bit cheating the system but at the same time I know I’ll be a day or two behind. At the moment of this blog post, I have a few days behind my push ups because I’ve been sleeping through the days. It’s not a good thing since I have a few things to do during the day. Still have to visit the dry cleaners and get ready for another Saturday work day.
In the end, I just hope I still can finish my push ups. I’m just reaching my first week into this and I’m definitely going to need the entire month to finish.
September 16, 2016
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The past week has been filled with some ongoing things happening. Aside from the sleep and the much relaxation, I’ve been trying to get back into recording more Stardew Valley on my channel. I’ve recently upgraded my 8 year old PC. Nothing too in depth, installed a new GeForce 950 GTX to replace the 430 I had and a 2 TB hard drive. After a week running the new GPU through her paces, I’m starting to think my entire PC is under powered for the new GPU. Power is running great but I think the CPU might be having a tough time catching up with processing some games. I don’t know exactly is the problem, let me know in the comments what you think stuttering and “lag” might be. The new hard drive is working fine, I’ve managed to transfer my game files from Steam to the new drive without hiccups. All save files are functional thankfully so I don’t have to restart a new Stardew playthrough.
The original intent was to buy a new PC, but an old buddy of mine convinced me to upgrade the GPU and save the $600 of new PC parts. But the cheap guy I am, I decided to upgrade this PC; hopefully one last time. When I started up Insurgency to play, I had a few problems with servers that were located out west. Then I realized I was lagging from local servers too. Of course I had to pull off something stupid to expend the $600 I saved. Luckily at the time, a local airsoft store had a P90 in stock. I’ve been looking into buying a P90 since I started playing airsoft and now here it is with only an hour ride out and a few days of waiting for the shop to open. Of course the day came and I bought it under budget, still pricey for a airsoft replica. Nonetheless, it was less than 600 with a spare magazine. Along with the Cyclone impact BB grenade and spring shotgun, I have a few things to try out. Of course I’m giving my pistol another go even though I’m shearing the feeding lips every time I’m using it. If I get a chance at the end of the month to play, I’ll definitely give it a go.
Other than that, happy with my new purchases for fall. Maybe enjoy it as much as I can until I can find something to complain about or something to talk about.
September 9, 2016
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I’m getting pretty good with my camera. I’ve managed to take some good photos of scenes and portraits recently. Summer’s almost over and I think I’ve shot over 1000 and uploaded only under 50. I personally learned a few things just by shooting. More importantly I learned to shoot the same scene about three times using different settings. I usually find a better shot through the three photos; better in a way of how it looks and the colours I’ve captured.
Ever since I got my computer (almost a decade ago now), I downloaded a nifty image editor called paint.net to replace Microsoft Paint. Out of the box, the program is an improvement on MS Paint and feels has more control familiar to Photoshop. Recently I’ve jumped into the forums to find plugins for the open-source application, trying to find stuff I can use for editing photos. The community did deliver, I managed to find a package of plugins which focused on photography. After installing the files, I’ve been experimenting with a few of the effects. On some photos I used more effects than some I tweaked the white balance and the histogram.
While tweaking and playing around with the photos, I’ve noticed a few things about my photos. The problem I have is I can’t take pictures of the sky without having shaded objects look dark and vice versa. So for me to take pictures of sunsets, the foreground would appear dark while I get white out if I focus on a subject that is darker than the sky. Even with this, I’ve managed to snap a few photos. In the future I might try and take pictures using Canon’s .cr2 format which is a RAW format. Hopefully my system with an upgraded GPU can handle it.
Oh yeah, I bought a 950 GTX. But that’s a post for another time.
September 2, 2016
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Last week, I came back from my vacation. Honestly it was work related and I had to be away from my computer for two weeks. What was interesting was to rediscover my life when I returned. In my sanctum of my bedroom, writing room, sanctum of my inner thoughts and outer release, it describes my life and all my achievements within it.
No one and I mean no one has stepped into my room asides from myself. In this small cubicle with a curtained window, is a open panel computer; aging but holding on as clutter fills the space of my table. cables shunting data and power to a couple sockets in the walls. Creaky hardwood floors as my fan hums away as books and notes from a former life strewn across the top of this so called mess. Underneath are trickets poking out, a multitool, game controller, expired medications, a recently purchased watch. Surprising there is enough to place my phone to charge through my computer.
Behind the chair is a bed fit for one, not much for company but it’s a designated area where I sleep and keep warm in winter. As a guy, I own very little in shoes; a pair for work, casual for getting around, runners for the gym and semi-formal for job hunting. I have two backpacks, one filled with stuff from work and one with my camera gear which I recently purchased stowed within a camera bag itself. I don’t have a headboard but a small shelf sitting next to the door with boxes of games I bought long before Steam – collecting dust. CD’s I’ll never listen because I stream.
This room I consider mine is commandeered from it’s former purpose as a living room, so I have a couch. The couch like my desk is filled with clutter. Mostly everyday clothing I take and interchange from a pile. I do laundry on the regular but this pile is my week’s worth of clothing in a quick grab.
Coming home to this after staring at this for a decade is refreshing. It has given me the impression of the person of who I am from a third person perspective. What I see after a two week absence? Someone who is stuck holding on to the past while looking faithfully in the future. A person who wants to reach out but feels a bit of shame yet pride for all they have accomplished.
I am still here.