I have to stop…

The past month, I have been engulfed in the obsession with auction houses. It hasn’t gotten into online yet but I’ve been bidding on surplus equipment and items from local police departments and authorities.

So far this month, I’ve spent about $1000 on everything. A bit (if not a lot) than I expected but the savings have been either marginal or really good. Despite being cosmetically damaged or “battery life/stamina is unknown”, I fear there might be some other defects. Something defective that the employees at the auction house won’t inspect for; big example being the lens and camera body I bought. I bought a Canon 50mm and a T6i for well under the cost of even used, but on close inspection there are some imperfections. For a camera system, these imperfections are borderline close to damaged. A smudge on the reflex mirror or a hairline scratch on the lens, these would annoy me especially if it’s noticeable in the image or on the viewfinder. As satisfied as I am with them, I feel scared at the fact that I have little to no idea how the quality by just a few images and testimony from the auctioneer.

At least now I have the opportunity to get a replacement iPod Shuffle. Mine’s water damaged but at least I can have one that works with superficial damage. But that’s what’s been going on with me this past month so far.

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Off to Auction.

Recently I’ve received a new debit card, replacing the old one with a degrading chip. Of course my bank went through the whole dog and pony show. Of course now I have a bit of money so I think I can start buying a few things online.

After a bit of online browsing, I found a small site that auctions odds and ends from tools to electronics and clothing to miscellany. Thus far, I haven’t won anything. Luck of the auction I guess, but I’m starting to consider to auction snipe. At the last minute, I should just place a bid just to win it. Guess it’s one thing about online auctions, anyone can bid on anything and just force people to bid higher until no one can pay for it. So it’s just smarter to bid at the last minute.

I’ve been looking through Amazon as well. So I might buy a few things on there if there is something I want and it’s a better sale there than locally. I doubt it with shipping cost, but I’m hopefully I might find things I might need or would use.

It’s getting close to the end of summer and I’ve been prolifically taking photos. With Instagram now, I’m really picking stuff I want to share. Which is tough since there is much I want to reserve to try and license. As of yet, 500px has yet yielded a single purchase from me. So I have uploaded a lot with nothing to show, but I don’t want to give up yet.

I’ll work on it. For now, just take photos.

#6 – “Stay”

Hey,

We both know the first time we’ve met. Somewhere in the world with a smirk and a smile. You standing there with an honest blush on your face. I never really told you when I first fell in love with you.

It was one of our dates where I took you to the cinema; as simple as it started, it was just the best way to remember. We stay in the dark and watched the drama unfold. Through it, I felt your hand drift into mine. Your head softly lean on my broad shoulders. I looked over to find your hand holding mine. I was still unsure if you would end up like every woman in my life, upped and gone. In the darkness, you reach out and squeezed almost telling me there is someone there for me. I squeeze back, hope you understand what that meant to me.

Though after the movie, I was regretting we watched the last show. I remember taking the train with you. The entire way to your stop, you just held me and I could only hold you back. In our embrace, the world didn’t seem to matter. Time didn’t even seem to matter. As we walked home in the street light, you asked me to come in; of course, I could never say no to you (except playfully). As I close the door behind the stone path leading to your house, you kissed me and pulled me up stairs. Dragging me towards your bed, you made your intentions known. I told you I was tired. You held me down on your bed and kissed softly, you laid me down and cuddled into my arms. I didn’t resist but insisted.

“Stay”

It was enough to know you wanted to be loved. I do; I love you.

Eric

Fading.

I came home after just a few weeks away. Coming home to the city is feels weird. I’ve been away from home many times before, but this time it feels different.

As I drop my bag off in my room, the years I’ve spent here feel so alien. It is like coming to live in a stranger. Turning on my computer, typing; it feels like I’ve have never done this. When I came home, I tried to do some day to day things I did weeks ago. I went out for a movie and have dinner. When I went out alone, I felt abandoned. Felt like I was alone in a new city, much like any traveller has passed through my town. Going through my old haunts, I felt like the world is a bit different. Felt like I didn’t belong in this mall or this restaurant feels out of place. I sat and noshed as I looked on and saw people on a Friday night, curling up with their loved ones as I sat alone.

Coming home has given me insight on the person I am. I’m an odd person however it is what I am. The shy and rooted explorer or the closeted down to earth nomad. Perhaps all this time, I’ll step out of my shell after all this work gets completed.

We’ll see.

Once More?

My schedule is an erratic schedule, not just the things I impose on me but my work is always a unplanned success.  At first I use to take my time to foot around what I do in real life, recently the vagueness comes naturally.

With just a week away, I’m doing my best to prepare for the unlikely chance I might put my social media things on hiatus. So this blog, my YouTube channel, my Twitter; pretty much anything not tied down physically will go dark for about a few months until I return home. I really don’t like pre-planning for things when they don’t come because it rubber bands into a lot of procrastination. In any case, I do what I must.

Which is a bummer since on my YouTube, I started a a new playthrough for Filthy Lucre. Actually it’s two concurrent ones and so far my serial editing habits are showing. I have been having trouble maintaining which video to publish since everything goes up and I see everything as a list. Also I built two playlists; one being just a straight playthrough, the other is a bit of a challenge to complete all the objectives per missions. I even started playing with audio tracks and stuff during editing, I’m pretty impressed of what a free program can do now.

As for the photography things, I’m still trying to check out the rest of the festival with just under a week before I depart. So far I’ve seen a lot just from taking a stroll around town but I still want to check off what I have on the itinerary I’ve set aside for myself. I’m still picking up my camera. I recently swapped in for a different lens and forcing myself to learn to take photos with a prime lens. Definitely a challenge since it’s a fixed length, but I’ve found what my little ditty can do. I also came around and completed the trifecta of lenses I want for my DSLR, all I need is a gear bag and a a tall tripod. Well, I can just use the tripod but I’m out of space to keep everything clean. I’ve put a lot into this new hobby and yet I have so much to do. I still want to learn to play my decade old used guitar, I want to be able to play more airsoft which my stuff is collecting dust. Maybe this summer I can knock down the whole guitar thing, that’s going to be a loud month either an electric guitar.

For now and until next time, I have to get back to writing next week’s post in case I leave this place.

Inspiration from Others

This past weekend, I’m starting to participate in some local festivals. Of course a good way to start is a photography festival. And this past weekend I had the opportunity to see a couple things for the day.

Went to a seminar about self publishing hosted by a few mildly successful artists. It’s given an general idea of what it takes to really put my own work out there. Which explains why small runs of books and zines are popular unless it’s funded before publication.

After an hour long seminar about printed matters, I took a stroll to the closest gallery for a peak at some photographers using Fujifilm Instax. The product is very nostalgic to the old Polaroid film. Yet the colours still remain so vibrant and detailed . Though the small format of the Instax film makes it feel very compact to really observe any detail. So I guess it’s worth it for landscapes or portraits in bright light or with the built in flash.

The plan for the upcoming week is to check out more exhibitions and galleries until this festival is over. This is a great event I managed to stumble upon. I can’t wait to discover more.

Expectations Of Adulthood

As children, we are given an idea of what it is like as an adult. From parents to teachers, we usually find our own way into the world. As incredible as it sounds when we reach to “adulthood”, we look back and realize childhood was such a simpler time.

Though I am still youthful in my days, I have to admit I yearn for the days I wish I have nothing to do but at the same time I yearn for a bit of something worth doing. Call me strange but I’m in between being a child and and adult. People all around me can say I should grow up while we’re all chasing the last vestiges of our own youths. To me, it’s how you feel and what you do to express your youthfulness is what counts. In a way, my life is balanced between staying young and growing old. Though time can age me, adulthood would never scar me. I would like to play all the video games in the world, but I would like fulfilling work which can in turn give me more time and hardware to play. I want to feel perpetually carefree; I want to do all the adult things but have enough to just be a kid.

In a way I want to be a big kid with a monitor so big I can play video games on my bed with my wireless mouse and keyboard I bought. I want to fall in love with a girl who shares the same so we can have our entire place a adult playground  when we move in together (That sounds, guarantee you that’s not). I want to eat all the foods I like as a kid; of course in moderation since candy is bad and fried things make you fat.

Until next time, growing up doesn’t have to mean leaving things behind. Sometimes growing up means reconnecting with your past self.