Repetitive Dreams

Sleeping for me can be a weird, anxious roll of the dice. Entering this unconscious world chances a few things I would experiences. Most of the time, I see nothing. I would go to bed and wake up, boring uneventful sleep. Nightmares happen to a lot of people, it’s rare for me. But the ones I do enter a space like that, it’s scary and vivid. Compared to childhood nightmares, adulthood make it scarier. Lastly there are “the trips”; long, odd and (especially for me) repeating ideas.

This week I had part of a repetitive dream. The full or most complete dream I’ve had involves what I would assume are from experiences and concepts I’ve visually seen. In this recent dream, it always starts on a Greyhound coach bus which slows into station. It overlooks this small town with buildings no larger than 4 stories. As I descends the steps to street level, I can feel the weight of a backpack bouncing. As I walk down a wide road with these grey towering buildings, I find myself into what looked like an older district with red bricks and turn of the century architecture. The only thing tainting the old fashioned quarter was a tall highway scarring across back towards the bus station. The prominent landmark there is a wedge shaped building. It’s smaller than the one I live close to, but it was unique. The street bifurcating right at the building and flanked by these small stores, cafes and restaurants. The dream ends with the walk back with a slow encroaching sunset along the road leading back to the station. I would look up and always see red Chinese lanterns strung across the buildings. I would wake up either close to the bus station or on the bus that is waiting for me there.

If anyone know what this means, feel free to comment.

This is the tamest dream I have, while some are more intense.


A Month Ago – The Break

Continues from here.

On the off time, I downloaded some apps to help my pills through the infinite sadness. I first downloaded Calm, but being poked and prodded for a premium subscription, I decided to download Pacifica. Both are depression and anxiety apps, the later more geared towards recording my mental well being daily and giving me a communal support group. At first I was hesitant about Pacifica, I can say it’s growing on me. I like the guided meditation and the interface. Though the private groups users created are hidden away but the public spaces there are very helpful. Reading about all the good things happening to people and then trying to help others, I feel so comfortable in that space.

When I was halfway through my time there, I finally decided to go home to pick up one more thing I should’ve brought with me while I was up there. My camera, how much I missed it. The next weekend I had I woke up early to catch the sunrise and went on a walking excursion.

A Month Ago – The Grind

Start from here.

It was absolutely slow knowing I’d be away for so long without my desktop. Luckily I didn’t bring a laptop, otherwise I was be stuck without internet. All I had was my phone and MP3 player to keep me company when I’m not working. Well…I did have a TV provided to me, a small plus since I could watch Star Trek Discovery and all the TV shows I usually download. I’m still one of those holdouts who pirate instead of streaming things on Netflix and the like.

I did however had the opportunity to go to Tim Horton’s or the mall to use the wi-fi there but I could never stay long enough to download something. When I did go, I would catch up with YouTube. When I wasn’t mooching, I just used my data to look things up or check Facebook and Instagram. Speaking of which, I did spend a lot of data and if you’re not from Canada, you could not feel how crippling going 8GB over your plan can be. Honestly it’s a small price to pay to stay sane.

I always had trouble sleeping when living in a new place. Even if it’s just for a couple nights in a motel. The first couple weeks I was struggling to sleep normally that after work I would just crash for a couple hours before dinner. After I had my belly filled, I would crash another couple hours in from of my TV. Waiting – waiting for the night to be morning.

A Month Ago – Here we go…

Hey everyone, kind of missed posting here. About a month ago, I was called to work and pretty much stayed there until I was done. I’ve been far away from home and now I feel settled in to tell you all the stuff that has happened since.

After reading through all the things I’ve jotted down for this lone post, I think it’s best to break it up in parts.

Sorry for teasing you. Hope the keywords don’t spoil anything.

Need my teamplay…or I get Fragged Brain…

Allusive sleep, I’m starting to think I’m an insomniac. That or I have Fragged Brain, something I coined to define that level of video game addiction where you only worry about one thing and only think about that one thing. I played a bit of Battlefield 3 this weekend, it’s starting to be less and less fun with this new premium content. NO fun to the point where I’m just unlocking the remaining stuff I haven’t unlocked and just playing to kill an hour that I have. My demeanour in game seems o change after awhile from the “here’s your ammo”, sensor dropping, life saving kind of guy to the “how can I get more kills without dying” kind of fragger. Most part, I blame the variety and money-gating game. You shell out for the DLC’s, bound to have the new stuff better than the old stuff. Hell it happened when Back to Karkand came out, same with Close Quarters; no doubt Armour Kill will have the same problems. So now I’m on the border of waiting for the hardcopy of these DLC’s to come out or jumping ship. The question is where to jump to?

One thing I always wanted, a very damn good co-op shooter. Of course most games shrug it and give you zombie mode, but zombies don’t fight back; they just gnaw on you until the whole team goes. I want something where the AI can fight almost as good as any player, maps are non-linear and provides the player with a “play as a team or die as a team” mentality. Of course, those DIY-er are going “well if you don’t like it, make your own.” Well, I could if I had someone to teach some stuff about the UDK and maybe had the balls to start a Kickstarter to cover some legal cost. Maybe even hop on board as a writer, but I doubt they really need story writers more than programmers. So I’m stuck at an impasse, play what’s available or get a job and make something available on the side. Going with half the latter since I need a job and I got jack none experience in terms of video game design. So for now, Star Trek Online is enough co-op for me unless something better pops up.

But of course, always something is popping up. I’m talking about Planetside 2! I never played the first one since it required a payment. Hearing all the buzz about how the second one is coming out as free-to-play, I wanted to know a bit more. For those who haven’t lived long enough to know the franchise or been actually living lives (oh, how I envy you), here’s my research. Planetside is a sci-fi squad-based MMOFPS with small bits of RTS elements. You choose to join one of three factions with various classes. Rather than the conventional lobby or server based FPS, it’s an entire open world to control where one battle leads to another which leads to another. Due to this, a persistent map of your faction fighting everyone else; one night you log off at point D, next time you get in point D is taken over by some other folks. Another difference is the battle space. Rather than your typical 32 v 32 player conventional fights, Planetside seems to have a one massive server like an MMO; meaning battles are waged on 50-60 on each team and it could be an even fight or it could be a server wide beatdown in just a small space. It’s still PvP but from what I hear about Planetside 2, it will try and maintain a free-to-play style with a micro-transaction for cosmetic features. Meaning yes to a cash shop but it will be for stuff you wouldn’t really need and just stuff you would want to pimp out your game. I’m convinced since I do want that large massive battle. I’m a borderline PvP kind of person, I like it if it’s an FPS. I still want my holy grail of a F2P co-op FPS. So I set out to get a beta key for PS2; I didn’t know there was a giveaway of keys awhile back, so I lucked out. So now I’m either waiting for them to open up for stress testing the closed beta, or the open beta, or the release. Aside from that, nothing much on my end except to sit and wait for the open beta. Well I have stuff to do, so the sitting part is only when I can’t sleep…like now.

To the Star Trek Online front, I’m changing up how I’m using my refined dilithium. Before I use to put everything right into credits since I wanted everything. I think I’m going to step back a bit and save a little to get rid of my rare officers for very rare. The NPC assignment requires 5 rare and 500 refined dilithium to get one, so I figured if the price of credits is about 155 (last checked it’s 157/156) then I can sell in a batch for 50 and remainder would be about 150. So save that 150 until I have 500 and just convert. Of course if I see anyone willing to trade, I’ll trade; but aside from player to player, it’s either let the NPC empty out my DOFF’s or have to wait for players to do it for me. Currently I’m at max capacity at 100 unless I start chipping into adding more slots which at the moment is illogical since I have a certain DS9 bundle I’ve been eyeing on. I’m almost to the halfway point, give it about a 3-4 weeks and I’ll get it. After the bundle, maybe I should invest some time getting the slot upgrades for DOFF’s; then ship slots, maybe after that the costume slots. Grinding away some time, one purchase at a time.