I realized more recently that positive reinforcement doesn’t necessarily work for me. In this day in age, everyone is trying to see the better of things. Even then, the tiny voice in my head wouldn’t let me accept other people’s positive attitude especially if it’s directed at me.
I’m questioning a lot about myself recently. I’m not uncertain, but I feel like a kid breaking open the toaster and wondering how it all makes toast. How did my life so far created this burnt mess? I feel like I’m asking all the questions and I’m not solving anything. I guess it’s that empty part of me I’m still looking for, those answers to questions I should be asking.
A simple “good job” or “well done” triggers the inner pessimist. I don’t think I’m ever doing good or have done well to be congratulated. I just do. In a way it self-establishes I don’t have skills, yet I do. I have a talent to be talentless. I look at myself and see someone who has not achieved anything with age and wisdom. I look around me and I see a bunch of people who have at least an accolade they can be proud of, yet I’m here with a few people thinking I am worth something. Inside, I feel I don’t necessarily deserve it.
Perhaps a life time of negative reinforcement is catching up. Perhaps what I see in positive reinforcement will never come because it’s just how I grew up.
August 21, 2013
Posted by on
Duality between pessimism and optimism can be summed in the “half full/half empty glass” thought experiment. Though realistically speaking it’s much more than meeting halfway. In my life, I see the world optimistically whether we like it or not there is always something good regardless of all the transgressions received and bestowed. However in my mind, I believe both are of the same; the yin and yang of thinking, the Wayne to the Shuster, the Simon to the Garfunkel. Each yields the potential for the other.
Optimists tend to see the positivity in many things regardless of the hardships while pessimists see the negative outweighing the positive influences. Whether which you are or how you consider yourself to be, consider that you are harbouring both. Even on a bad day, there is that bit of hope that drives us all. On good days, there is a bit of risk and danger that roots us to reality. One can say, “I had a bad day with a heavy work load.” Though one can also say, “At least, I can sleep better after a day at work.” Perspective is only from one angle; your angle and only you choose what you want in that slice of pie.
When I see the world, I see it from both sides. I see the world bitter and miserable, but still enduring regardless. Someone might give up their seat on the bus to only be tired of standing, but they will always reach their destination. That is why I kind of love my mind, it has kept me from seeing things way too positively or negatively. It has helped me try and see both side to understand by corner of the world a bit easier. I may not be the best at anything, but at least I know stuff and I want to understand more. That is my mentality on my life and the world.
Consider this something to do next time when you feel down, or feeling good. Look towards the opposing side and realize what you can accomplish or what you can be fortunate towards. The world will always put you in a box, but it doesn’t mean you can’t make a box fort.
Until next time, hopefully a longer blog that’s not so mind numbing.