nawkcire

Games, Tech and Blogging…I can't guarantee in that order.

Tag Archives: personal

Opportunities

It really sucks to be away from home. Having only a couple days without work, I have to really pick and choose what I want to do.

At the moment I have all my projects on hold, aside from my blog everything is on hold. Still blogging is tough when I have trying to allocating a few hours to push something out of my head onto a blank webpage. Sometimes I would get an incredible idea then it would disappear as I get to my computer to put it down.

Before I left I had a few around to do on the weekday. With a lens being cleaned and I can only be returned on the weekend, I’m forced to learn how a prime lens can be fun to use. So far, it’s interesting but I haven’t seen the photos I’ve until I check my card. This weekend, I guess I’ll try and take some photos. Perhaps give the new tripod a try.

I’m out of opportunities to personally improve myself but working on my life. Well hopefully what I’m doing works out. We’ll just have to see.

Less and Less

I’m a bit confused what happened to 500px recently. Last week I managed to upload a few photos. Fast forward today, I tried to upload more photos which my limit was reach the previous week. Interestingly, I can only upload one.

I looked over at Wikipedia which has the list of image sharing websites and how each application interacts with their users. The one thing that made me gravitate to 500px was the 50 photos per week limit. Recently, it feels like it’s way less than it’s described on Wikipedia.

After looking through the support website for 500px, they did lower the limit. From 20 photos to 7, a substantial amount which could be difficult for me to upload a lot of photos from a session or a shoot.

The challenge is harder but it’s not entirely impossible. Though I was hoping if they did limit it further is to put it to 10 photos a week. I’ll just have to see how I my photos will turn out.

Lessons from Photography

I think this hobby has yielded me some personal discoveries. Perhaps I should pick up more hobbies.

Patience is one thing I either have or don’t. Every time I wield my camera, I feel something change within me. Something that tells me to stop and breathe, watch and wait. Some of my best shots so far have just involved me sitting and waiting after finding something worth a photograph. I have some which don’t really fit the bill as something worth a view, but the best are those I just sat and observed it.

I stomped out my own creativity when I was a kid since I was a very fidgety kid. If you told child me I would be an artist, I would have paid no mind since I could only draw stick figures. Of course I did take art classes as a child and a preteen, but I never got beyond drawing really good stick figures and works that would look very pre-renaissance. Having a camera I don’t draw a picture, I just have to go out and find one. With the knowledge of the colour palette and cropping, all I can do is just snap and lightly edit. I’ve tried heavily editing my work but I find just a slight change to be enough.

This hobby has given me a reason to wake up every morning to go out and take a photo. Of course, I haven’t taken a one every day. I would say with all the photos I’ve taken on average, I’ve taken about two per day. I have to get up and plan, then execute and adapt to changes. If I could, I would travel to different cities and take photos. I try to wake up now so I can go out and take photos when I’m not looking for work through online job boards.

Still as I write this, I can’t help but to hold my camera and take it one last time before I spend the summer away from all my luxuries.

Inspiration from Others

This past weekend, I’m starting to participate in some local festivals. Of course a good way to start is a photography festival. And this past weekend I had the opportunity to see a couple things for the day.

Went to a seminar about self publishing hosted by a few mildly successful artists. It’s given an general idea of what it takes to really put my own work out there. Which explains why small runs of books and zines are popular unless it’s funded before publication.

After an hour long seminar about printed matters, I took a stroll to the closest gallery for a peak at some photographers using Fujifilm Instax. The product is very nostalgic to the old Polaroid film. Yet the colours still remain so vibrant and detailed . Though the small format of the Instax film makes it feel very compact to really observe any detail. So I guess it’s worth it for landscapes or portraits in bright light or with the built in flash.

The plan for the upcoming week is to check out more exhibitions and galleries until this festival is over. This is a great event I managed to stumble upon. I can’t wait to discover more.

False Positive Reinforcement

I realized more recently that positive reinforcement doesn’t necessarily work for me. In this day in age, everyone is trying to see the better of things. Even then, the tiny voice in my head wouldn’t let me accept other people’s positive attitude especially if it’s directed at me.

I’m questioning a lot about myself recently. I’m not uncertain, but I feel like a kid breaking open the toaster and wondering how it all makes toast. How did my life so far created this burnt mess? I feel like I’m asking all the questions and I’m not solving anything. I guess it’s that empty part of me I’m still looking for, those answers to questions I should be asking.

A simple “good job” or “well done” triggers the inner pessimist. I don’t think I’m ever doing good or have done well to be congratulated. I just do. In a way it self-establishes I don’t have skills, yet I do. I have a talent to be talentless. I look at myself and see someone who has not achieved anything with age and wisdom. I look around me and I see a bunch of people who have at least an accolade they can be proud of, yet I’m here with a few people thinking I am worth something. Inside, I feel I don’t necessarily deserve it.

Perhaps a life time of negative reinforcement is catching up. Perhaps what I see in positive reinforcement will never come because it’s just how I grew up.

Single.

Tricky thing being about an adult, I’m learning this now while I’m young. I’m not eager to grow up and take everything as serious as things should be. Somethings I’ve taken way too seriously and recently I find myself unsure if I should buckle down or let loose. I’ve seen a lot of folks fall in love and break up, but here I am. The same old me, the same old problem I can’t seem to figure out. As much as I would like to seek the “perfect woman”, I don’t think she’s necessarily looking for me.

I’m a humble person, at least I try to be. In the  recent years, I haven’t bragged about myself; even if there was something to brag about, I wouldn’t stand too high and mighty over a small accomplishment. I don’t necessarily have attribute which stand out either, I’m not too smart or too funny, just an average person with an average build. Hopeless as it sounds, I do hope in romance. As far away as finding that person is, if it’s a lifelong pursuit then I’m willing to spend it alone.

Even if I lived to result in being alone, I guess I can accept I stood firmly on a love never requited. We’re creatures fond of instant gratification but yet here is one thing I would spend my entire life looking.

Feels weird to observe I’m the only person who would act like this all for love and even without it for quite some time, I’m still looking for the similar attachment I once had. A brief moment in my life I wish I could have for the rest of my life.

I just want to love again, someday perhaps.

Filling up.

It’s been somewhat eventful, somewhat being tiring and I’ve been trying to push myself through the paces. I’ve pushed out all the photos from the accounts I have on Facebook and Google to 500px, still haven’t updated my banner here so that’s my bad. However I’ve been trying to be more out and about snapping photos since now I have 20 photos allocated a week. Trying to not be a competition but I’ve been uploading about a 10 a week so far.

Since the 17th, I haven’t uploaded any videos to YouTube. I love to play Tropico but I think the there isn’t much encouragement. However I would like to pull off a Prison Architect and just try everything until I’m ready to move on. Meanwhile Star Trek Online is having an event so I’m trying to farm stuff from the events. A new ship and new item set; with sleeping in and work, this is mentally exhausting me at an incredible rate.

Hopefully this week will be something worth looking forward to do more than I did this past week. I really need to balance my life a bit more if I ever will have the chance to get where I want to be in my life.

It’s Official.

In July, I wrote about finding a place to keep my photos. During that time I registered for a few sites; since then I settled with Google Photos to share with the exclusive few that I knew. Admittedly I never have registered Imgur, I lurk on there like crazy but I have never gotten around to sign up. Anyways, one of those accounts were to 500px; I already have a few regrets with it, I’ll tell you in a bit.

From July 2016, it’s now January 2017. Apparently as a first time account, you get a trial as an “Awesome” member; the second tier of their subscriptions. The trial lasts 14 days which opens up unlimited downloads, an online portfolio and a custom domain along with advance analytic tools from Google. As you can tell, the trial is over; I’m regretting for not uploading earlier since I could use an unlimited now that I have a bunch of photos. As a free user of the site, I’m only limited to 20 photos per week. It’s a big drop from unlimited to just over 2 a day. Of course, I’m not a photophile and upload like crazy. This is definitely going to be a challenging experience since I want to expend my limit but at same time to compose something worth sharing.

I never knew I had a skill set like this when I applied everything I’ve learned from my current and previous jobs. When a co-worker came up to me and said “Hey man, have you ever tried to make some money off your photos?” It was the first time I ever though I actually had something marketable; I could make money out of this, not a lot but just a bit while expressing myself in some means. I use to do poetry and played an instrument, only one of those I do on rare occasions. I can’t do much with my hands but with my eyes and my mind, I can create something I never knew I could. I think that’s how it starts, a profound encouragement. Not necessarily constant encouragement but someone who found your skill to be something worth sharing.

So here I am, on 500px. The selfie might be old but I’m slowly going to try my best to stay capped out on photos. I have a lot of uploading to do now; first my gaming videos to YouTube, 3 websites of photos plus high resolution for 500px. My life is going to culminate to being the first sentient digital lifeform on this planet.

In time, I’ll update my social media stuff to include 500px. Until then, I’ll keep my eyes open.

The Last Gentleman

This is definitely the last post for 2016, just in time and I doubt any of you will read this at the very last minute.

I don’t show much of my hobbies on my blog. The last time was when I gave you guys a tiny peek at my photography skills. Recently, I was back at it with my camera. I’m starting to really enjoy it. I love composing a shot, dialling in the focus and hearing the click. There is something thrilling about playing with the shutter and lighting. Maybe 2017 I’ll finally upload some photos.

However this recent excursion was disturbing to me. Might have been because I was carrying a camera or not, but it just seems respect is thrown out the window on Boxing Day. I was bumped and pushed aside in a downtown mall as I was taking pictures. It was late in the evening and yet people were running around like crazy trying to get deals already claimed in the morning. Drives me bonkers how Christmas turned into an occasion to spend money than helping others and Bring people together. It gets worse since somehow in the holiday greed, people lose sense of sensible civility in terms of manners. The “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me”, seems to come mostly from people in their 20’s and under. I don’t know what school’s are teaching kids these days, manners is definitely something slowly losing ground in a modern society.

Perhaps in 2017 all around the world, can we please be nicer and polite to each other than worrying about the bottom line? Thank you and have a nice day!

Resolutions 2017

I think this year I might want to try and commit to some interests for myself. The past year or so I have weened onto photography and off of fitness. I really want best of everything I do. I’ve been playing as much video games in the past month solely because I have so much time on my hands, yet I haven’t felt bold enough to hit the gym. Same with photography once the snow came down. I really want to exercise and take in photos on my spare time; however this cold is turning me into a big of a lethargic person. Perhaps it’s not just the cold, recent misfortunes have begotten me to remain indoor and the solstice has kept me indoors after 6.

I should join a group or something in the city or have a photography partner and definitely keep trying to make the time to go to the gym.