March 2, 2017
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Tricky thing being about an adult, I’m learning this now while I’m young. I’m not eager to grow up and take everything as serious as things should be. Somethings I’ve taken way too seriously and recently I find myself unsure if I should buckle down or let loose. I’ve seen a lot of folks fall in love and break up, but here I am. The same old me, the same old problem I can’t seem to figure out. As much as I would like to seek the “perfect woman”, I don’t think she’s necessarily looking for me.
I’m a humble person, at least I try to be. In the recent years, I haven’t bragged about myself; even if there was something to brag about, I wouldn’t stand too high and mighty over a small accomplishment. I don’t necessarily have attribute which stand out either, I’m not too smart or too funny, just an average person with an average build. Hopeless as it sounds, I do hope in romance. As far away as finding that person is, if it’s a lifelong pursuit then I’m willing to spend it alone.
Even if I lived to result in being alone, I guess I can accept I stood firmly on a love never requited. We’re creatures fond of instant gratification but yet here is one thing I would spend my entire life looking.
Feels weird to observe I’m the only person who would act like this all for love and even without it for quite some time, I’m still looking for the similar attachment I once had. A brief moment in my life I wish I could have for the rest of my life.
I just want to love again, someday perhaps.
February 23, 2017
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I know I haven’t been staggering away from my traditional weekly blog posts, I’ve been caught up with work recently. A lot of out and about work and with the recent weather, I’ve been taking my camera out in the warm sunny days.
However I’ve been holding back writing a post about relationships because I should really be the last person to give relationship advice. I take that back, I should be the bottom ten people you should ask. In the past month or two, everyone is either getting in trouble with relationships or wanting to leave a relationship. As the nice single male I am, I always suck myself into these conversations with “Tell me about it.”
I want to be the helping hand and open ear for someone to feel good. A lot of people I’ve talked to drink heavily after a relationship; not going to lie if I had the money, I would’ve done the same. Usually drinking alone and suffering is the same, nothing is solved and it will still hurt at the end. The weird thing is I find one within the pair who was seeking more than just a physical relationship and that’s what gets me.
I do believe in this century, there are variability in the definition of love but the still hardest to grasp I’ve seen and witness is romantic love. I’ve had closely had a romantic relationship and compared to people I’ve meet seemed to want the same, the love of another person. I almost want to tell them a daring truth that what they seek is not a physical embodiment of love but a love which can only be received in kind and care. Even then I don’t think they would reciprocate in the sense to understand romantic love but to rationalize their needs in that context. Romantic love is not a date on the calendar or a price tag, it’s the devotion and the willingness to weather hardships of not your own but others. Still as you read this, some will say it’s easy or asking how but that is the difficulty of romantic love and how I think it’s the greatest of loves. If done right it can reciprocate with bounty and if done incorrectly can hurt the most toughest of souls.
I would want that romantic love but it is just an idea most people see as unobtainable. From my point of view even if I don’t ever find that romantic love, I will still look for it and her.
January 21, 2017
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This week was interesting, I’m not into politics but I do follow what’s going on in the world. Judging by the controversy behind the newly President-Elect, he seems an unpopular fellow with some. From all the news and articles streaming out of the United States, it just sounds like another Civil War is igniting but I doubt it’s the case.
It is an interesting change in power as the the last term served was focused on erasing gaps and borders, rooting the republic back to the beginning of a just and open governance for the people. This week has been ominous and synonymous with the end of that dream, trading for hard capitalism and the power to the 1%. As much as I lean to the latter, I still have hope no matter what their new government will do.
A democratic nation is a nation of choice, do not choose to hate but choose to hope. Hope for a better future, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for all your dreams. When you believe in something, then there is something still worth fighting for; but not fight with swords and steel. Fight with the yearning in your heart for the just and hopeful. Whether you don’t stand for them, stand to believe in those without a voice to have a voice.
As a student to American history, the people do possess one power no leader can ever take. The power to change, use that power for the good and just for all. Not of one creed or race, but for all. The United States of America is only strong as those who are willing to endure and fight for those of very little, the very weak and the very lost. Give them more, get them strong and help them find the way.
This will be an interesting 4 years coming up and no one knows how it will turn out. But we all must endure it together.
October 21, 2016
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A couple weeks ago while I was writing the last blog post, I kept getting calls throughout the week. At first I understand these people are being paid to call me to sell me the company I subscribe to for my telecom service. However after the third phone call in a week, I’m starting to get fed up.
Of course it makes sense companies call you by their means to be friendly to let you know you’re due up to renew your service after a contract (if you have one). As important is to keep repeat business going to make money off their customers. However I’ve been called a few more times than usual within the week. Prior to this, I would receive the occasional text about local discounts on entertainment and venues. Those customers similar to me might know this company.
It sounds to me this company is desperate. Their constant calls in the evening seem to be more hostile than informative. It’s really getting on my nerves that around 8:10 in the evening, a lady calls me to tell me about their “new fast internet service” they would like to offer to me as a “loyal customer”. There are a bunch of problems.
Starting with the speed of about 25 mbps, it’s great speed – incredible speed, even. However at $50 a month, I am still paying for my internet. No matter how affordable it may be, my current living arrangement has given me access to the Internet. My income isn’t enough to pay more bills considering I would pay double for communications. So if my phone company is reading this, know this – please stop calling me. I’m set for the time being.
Thanks for “considering”.
October 14, 2016
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Don’t know about you guys out there, but I feel a bit off every time Steam tells me I’ve completed an achievement. I always open up the in-game overlay to see what I did to deserve a pop-up like that. Usually achievements fall under after completing part of a the game or the whole, then there are achievements which are very mundane. Some games are sensible with the achievements but there are are some that can be sinning against the purpose of achievements.
To me, a sensible achievements is story completions. It makes sense especially if you created a game that’s hours long. Another sensible one is when you collect an amount of objects. Makes sense to put a good achievement on a tedious task. If the game has some complex stuff in it, it’s even cooler if there is an achievement for it like saving someone from explosion damage or being able to react to a certain way. However there are a few achievements I don’t want to see even though I might have achieved these on my own account and accord.
I like a good achievements for a repetitive task. However a repetitive achievement for a repetitive task is overboard. As much as I can kill 100 bots, I don’t want to kill a million bots for an achievement. At that point, you’re just playing to kill and not necessarily enjoying the killing bots. This goes the same with FPS games which does the same thing but with a different weapon. I’ve played games which want the player to kill a thousand with one weapon and a thousand with another. It’s a nice way to push players to try these guns and grenades, but there is no point aside from forcing players to play with weapons the developer is lazy to balance or the player does not which to play with for the duration.
Mystery achievements, as much as they are surprising they sometimes don’t provide any contextual information for their completions. Whether in the icon or description, they can be fairly vague. Most games I’ve encountered have been mysterious but able to convey a point where they want us to do. For most of the time, some of you developers have to give the player some sort of clue.
Then there are games I’m not even sure they’re really games anymore with over a hundred achievements. I have a game in my library which has over 500 achievements. Most of the are hidden since Steam has the courtesy to hide the massive list. I don’t think I have the patience for 500 achievements! Early on I had Team Fortress 2 as the only game with achievements. Looking at it now, it has a lot of achievements that look intense. I did achieve the “Pyromancer” achievements but it was an undertaking. To spent years on a game to complete the list of achievements is as agonizing as spending years in an institution. Which gets me into downloadable content achievements!
This generation of gamers seem to support DLC to games. Nothing wrong with that since some of them are like expansion packs of the past. Most of them would hardly count as an expansion pack, but I digress. I don’t like achievements related to DLC’s, especially on Steam since the service clumps all the game’s achievements. Which means you can’t “perfect” a game on Steam without buying their DLC content. Which sort of supports the argument of games are incomplete until all the DLC’s are released which sounds a cash grab.
Achievements should be an enhancement and not the objective for enjoying the game. I honestly hope more games can do less in achievements.
September 23, 2016
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Going around the internet at the moment (and a few of you already seen on Facebook or other medias) is some a bit odd. Not as odd as the ALS ice bucket challenge a few years back, but it’s a bit practical. It’s gotten popular to the point where my coworkers have drafted me into this charity drive.
In the past I’ve tried things to change up my regimen in hopes something sticks. Definitively I’ve tried to go video game free for a few weeks and a few days on my blog a long time ago. Now my friends have challenged me to complete 22 push ups per day for 22 days. Between my readers and I, I’m starting to hit a point where I’m not very frequent.
Here’s how I would describe the challenge for those who haven’t heard about it. Upon nominated in a video in someone’s push ups, you have a day to complete your first set of 22 push ups. After that, the intent is to complete 22 push ups every day for 22 days. Every single day, you are to nominate a person to do the push up challenge.
Aside from my inconsistency, my work has been disrupting the push ups. Last week I’ve been out of town and away from an internet connection. Being away means I have to pre-record or post-record another day. I feel pre-recording is a bit cheating the system but at the same time I know I’ll be a day or two behind. At the moment of this blog post, I have a few days behind my push ups because I’ve been sleeping through the days. It’s not a good thing since I have a few things to do during the day. Still have to visit the dry cleaners and get ready for another Saturday work day.
In the end, I just hope I still can finish my push ups. I’m just reaching my first week into this and I’m definitely going to need the entire month to finish.
September 16, 2016
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The past week has been filled with some ongoing things happening. Aside from the sleep and the much relaxation, I’ve been trying to get back into recording more Stardew Valley on my channel. I’ve recently upgraded my 8 year old PC. Nothing too in depth, installed a new GeForce 950 GTX to replace the 430 I had and a 2 TB hard drive. After a week running the new GPU through her paces, I’m starting to think my entire PC is under powered for the new GPU. Power is running great but I think the CPU might be having a tough time catching up with processing some games. I don’t know exactly is the problem, let me know in the comments what you think stuttering and “lag” might be. The new hard drive is working fine, I’ve managed to transfer my game files from Steam to the new drive without hiccups. All save files are functional thankfully so I don’t have to restart a new Stardew playthrough.
The original intent was to buy a new PC, but an old buddy of mine convinced me to upgrade the GPU and save the $600 of new PC parts. But the cheap guy I am, I decided to upgrade this PC; hopefully one last time. When I started up Insurgency to play, I had a few problems with servers that were located out west. Then I realized I was lagging from local servers too. Of course I had to pull off something stupid to expend the $600 I saved. Luckily at the time, a local airsoft store had a P90 in stock. I’ve been looking into buying a P90 since I started playing airsoft and now here it is with only an hour ride out and a few days of waiting for the shop to open. Of course the day came and I bought it under budget, still pricey for a airsoft replica. Nonetheless, it was less than 600 with a spare magazine. Along with the Cyclone impact BB grenade and spring shotgun, I have a few things to try out. Of course I’m giving my pistol another go even though I’m shearing the feeding lips every time I’m using it. If I get a chance at the end of the month to play, I’ll definitely give it a go.
Other than that, happy with my new purchases for fall. Maybe enjoy it as much as I can until I can find something to complain about or something to talk about.
September 9, 2016
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I’m getting pretty good with my camera. I’ve managed to take some good photos of scenes and portraits recently. Summer’s almost over and I think I’ve shot over 1000 and uploaded only under 50. I personally learned a few things just by shooting. More importantly I learned to shoot the same scene about three times using different settings. I usually find a better shot through the three photos; better in a way of how it looks and the colours I’ve captured.
Ever since I got my computer (almost a decade ago now), I downloaded a nifty image editor called paint.net to replace Microsoft Paint. Out of the box, the program is an improvement on MS Paint and feels has more control familiar to Photoshop. Recently I’ve jumped into the forums to find plugins for the open-source application, trying to find stuff I can use for editing photos. The community did deliver, I managed to find a package of plugins which focused on photography. After installing the files, I’ve been experimenting with a few of the effects. On some photos I used more effects than some I tweaked the white balance and the histogram.
While tweaking and playing around with the photos, I’ve noticed a few things about my photos. The problem I have is I can’t take pictures of the sky without having shaded objects look dark and vice versa. So for me to take pictures of sunsets, the foreground would appear dark while I get white out if I focus on a subject that is darker than the sky. Even with this, I’ve managed to snap a few photos. In the future I might try and take pictures using Canon’s .cr2 format which is a RAW format. Hopefully my system with an upgraded GPU can handle it.
Oh yeah, I bought a 950 GTX. But that’s a post for another time.
September 2, 2016
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Last week, I came back from my vacation. Honestly it was work related and I had to be away from my computer for two weeks. What was interesting was to rediscover my life when I returned. In my sanctum of my bedroom, writing room, sanctum of my inner thoughts and outer release, it describes my life and all my achievements within it.
No one and I mean no one has stepped into my room asides from myself. In this small cubicle with a curtained window, is a open panel computer; aging but holding on as clutter fills the space of my table. cables shunting data and power to a couple sockets in the walls. Creaky hardwood floors as my fan hums away as books and notes from a former life strewn across the top of this so called mess. Underneath are trickets poking out, a multitool, game controller, expired medications, a recently purchased watch. Surprising there is enough to place my phone to charge through my computer.
Behind the chair is a bed fit for one, not much for company but it’s a designated area where I sleep and keep warm in winter. As a guy, I own very little in shoes; a pair for work, casual for getting around, runners for the gym and semi-formal for job hunting. I have two backpacks, one filled with stuff from work and one with my camera gear which I recently purchased stowed within a camera bag itself. I don’t have a headboard but a small shelf sitting next to the door with boxes of games I bought long before Steam – collecting dust. CD’s I’ll never listen because I stream.
This room I consider mine is commandeered from it’s former purpose as a living room, so I have a couch. The couch like my desk is filled with clutter. Mostly everyday clothing I take and interchange from a pile. I do laundry on the regular but this pile is my week’s worth of clothing in a quick grab.
Coming home to this after staring at this for a decade is refreshing. It has given me the impression of the person of who I am from a third person perspective. What I see after a two week absence? Someone who is stuck holding on to the past while looking faithfully in the future. A person who wants to reach out but feels a bit of shame yet pride for all they have accomplished.
I am still here.
August 26, 2016
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The best part about being young is you have a fresh view of the world. You can always change and make it to what you want rather than following in someone’s footsteps.
I’m growing out of the youthful age but I still feel inside me as youthful but in a different way. As a kid, I couldn’t self express the way I wanted to and it seems now I’m catching up with listening to music and taking up photography. Even if you go back 5 years, I went creating a YouTube channel and this blog which is still an evolving piece of my life! I am still finding the self I am comfortable with and not the self people want to see.
We’re all still young, whether you are at the start or to the very end; there is something to find new and different. A part of living is to live in the shell you grew in, but as I’ve learned through this year discovering something for yourself is something beyond the shell.
Always find something new and discover it for yourself, you might find something what will transform you.