End of 2018

It’s getting close to the end of this year. As I’m writing this, I have hardly slept and spent a few nights laying in bed wondering and thinking to myself. I have slowed down in writing my thoughts in my blog in this latter half because I haven’t been too well since my doctor passed away. I am still hoping I will get the help I need before it’s too late. I just have to practice and find a balance to everything which I hope can help me away from my malaise.

I haven’t picked up my camera in the past month. Starting to feel bad about it since I haven’t taken a lot of photos. Looking through it’s viewfinder, I miss how it feels and the joy it use to make me feel. Perhaps around Christmas or after Boxing Day I’ll take up photography again. The most difficult part right now is keeping up with work.

Getting a seasonal gig with my former employer is great, despite all the pain I went through last year. I hope eventually it will turn into a part time job considering the first time I felt fairly qualified to work more than a sales associate, assistant manager perhaps? Regardless I’m glad and I get to see all the people I’ve met before, though I have forgotten most of their names.

As what I hope to be the second last post of the year I guess I should try and make a list of all I have accomplished this year. As per my doctor’s last recommendation, I’m starting to look into a lot of cognitive therapy to cope. So…accomplishments:

  • Went to Niagara Falls for the first time In January it’s still beautiful despite the cold, icy, wet weather. I wish I spent more time.
  • Surpassed 300 photos on 500px. Also surpassed 10, 000 shots on my first DSLR camera.
  • Bought a new laptop. For now I have two but eventually I will have one once I feel comfortable enough to part this old thing I found in the trash. You have served me well.
  • New toys! Bought two used lenses, one (almost) brand new lens, and a used camera body. Overall I paid market price after having them professionally cleaned.
  • More recent, started to look into sleep meditation and actively managing my depression. The ADHD behaviors I can accept but the feeling sad stuff needs a lot of attention.
  • Enjoyed a long lost hobby, reading! I’m nowhere near attentive for novels but I’ll accept a good narrative after playing Life is Strange and Life is Strange: Before the Storm. Which reminds me, I should preorder the comic book.
  • Finished Fallout 4. Now I can move on to other games. Hopefully that gaming list shrinks quickly.
  • Paramore!! Second time I saw them live. Still great but I connected more with their previous album.
  • Getting on the dating scene? A bit embarrassing but I can own up to it. Been on way more dates than the last 4 years combined. No winners…yet.
  • A year without Star Trek Online. I haven’t logged in for so long. I think I can finally move on since the Kelvin timeline and Discovery kind of gave me a sour taste for it.
  • Nuit Blanche art event. Spent the entire night checking out all the arts and culture. Last year was way too political. Still very crowded if not worse.
  • Bought CD’s. An old medium but once I get a portable disc player, I’m going to have fun.
  • I got Instagram to share some photos.
  • I got business cards, I wish I could add my Instagram on them. They came first.

Still more to come in the last few weeks. My plans are to buy the SNES Classic and maybe the NES. I’m thinking of another Niagara trip either Niagara-On-The-Lake or somewhere small. I still want to snap photos and hopefully punch through to 400 on 500px. Lastly…

…I want to write my final post for the year. Stay tuned!


Day 29 – Confession Period

From https://hugaslittlehouse.wordpress.com

Around year 2 of my blog, I kept a long list of topics on a text file. Over the the past 3 years since, I have probably went back and forth on the text file. Out of all the topics in the file, I’ve wrote about 40 posts on a few topics. If you know the immensity of topics, it would dwarf the 40-ish posts. As much as I like to be organized, this blog has turned from gaming to just thoughts and opinions. As much as I like to cover games, I do have a YouTube channel for the very purpose. The hardest part to keep it personal without getting too personal because of the things I have to keep to myself and just the general “stranger danger” of the net. As much as I like you guys to know more about me, there are things best left a mystery.

Back to the list.txt file, do I still have it? Yes I do, sometimes I read through it and eliminating things I don’t want to talk about and adding more to it. In the past few years, I have been more inclined to read through it than just writing about them. I’ve drafted a few posts but nothing I have really felt ready to publish. At first it was a good idea to have some topics ready to go but it felt less organic. Now it has turned into an archive of things I would like to talk about rather than documenting things I would feel comfortable to voice a comment towards. I have spent the last few years just riffing off my own mind. Every post is a spontaneous post. It feels more comfortable that way.

Goes to show not everything will benefit from order and organization. A bit of chaos can go a long way.

11 things vs. 11 other things

Don’t ask me how I got the idea because I’m pretty embarrassed about it. I made up an little writing exercise where I take one idea and expand it 11 times but I would take the opposing side of the same idea and do the same. Kind of a do’s and don’ts list except that I do it to se which I would prefer most. As the ADHD person I can really just fling ideas like a monkey flinging feces at other monkeys. Here’s an example:

11 things I would normally consider a date

  • Dinner
  • Movie
  • Picnic
  • Hanging out
  • Playing a board game
  • Shopping (random, I know)
  • Cuddling and watching TV
  • Mall
  • Some port activities I like
  • Video games
  • Hanging out but with her friends as well

11 thing I wouldn’t consider a date

  • Sky diving
  • Playing the Oreo Lick Race (sounds dirty, but it’s not)
  • Stand up comedy, while I’m the comedian
  • Texting
  • Anything involving 2 in the morning stuff
  • Drugs or drug related activities
  • Anything related to my job
  • Bumping into people and have long conversation and accidently hanging out afterwards due to conversation
  • Stuff involving a bodily function
  • Screaming out of a burning building and then asking someone “so what are you doing afterwards?”
  • Church or any place of worship (awkward since God or any equivalent deity would be watching)

Then based on the fastest time I thought up both sides, I kind of guess where I am on the topic. In this case, I’m pretty easy in terms of thinking of stuff to do on a date and maybe a bit random.

I consider myself as a writer. Not like “I can write a a news story and win a Gillard” writer, more of a writer who just there to open up my own ideas or feelings. Mostly I write poems but sometimes I just write down random lines of text for the fun of it. Not very coherent texts either, it’s more of a congregation of jumbled thoughts like “I hope that’s not a boat in my bottle of pills” or “crazy manic mailbag monkey mower” (if anyone can draw this, I will laugh since it’s so random).

Anyways, a nice easy blog for now, I might write another tonight to get my mind off video games. Maybe share to you my plans on defeating this problem.