End of 2018

It’s getting close to the end of this year. As I’m writing this, I have hardly slept and spent a few nights laying in bed wondering and thinking to myself. I have slowed down in writing my thoughts in my blog in this latter half because I haven’t been too well since my doctor passed away. I am still hoping I will get the help I need before it’s too late. I just have to practice and find a balance to everything which I hope can help me away from my malaise.

I haven’t picked up my camera in the past month. Starting to feel bad about it since I haven’t taken a lot of photos. Looking through it’s viewfinder, I miss how it feels and the joy it use to make me feel. Perhaps around Christmas or after Boxing Day I’ll take up photography again. The most difficult part right now is keeping up with work.

Getting a seasonal gig with my former employer is great, despite all the pain I went through last year. I hope eventually it will turn into a part time job considering the first time I felt fairly qualified to work more than a sales associate, assistant manager perhaps? Regardless I’m glad and I get to see all the people I’ve met before, though I have forgotten most of their names.

As what I hope to be the second last post of the year I guess I should try and make a list of all I have accomplished this year. As per my doctor’s last recommendation, I’m starting to look into a lot of cognitive therapy to cope. So…accomplishments:

• Went to Niagara Falls for the first time In January it’s still beautiful despite the cold, icy, wet weather. I wish I spent more time.
• Surpassed 300 photos on 500px. Also surpassed 10, 000 shots on my first DSLR camera.
• Bought a new laptop. For now I have two but eventually I will have one once I feel comfortable enough to part this old thing I found in the trash. You have served me well.
• New toys! Bought two used lenses, one (almost) brand new lens, and a used camera body. Overall I paid market price after having them professionally cleaned.
• More recent, started to look into sleep meditation and actively managing my depression. The ADHD behaviors I can accept but the feeling sad stuff needs a lot of attention.
• Enjoyed a long lost hobby, reading! I’m nowhere near attentive for novels but I’ll accept a good narrative after playing Life is Strange and Life is Strange: Before the Storm. Which reminds me, I should preorder the comic book.
• Finished Fallout 4. Now I can move on to other games. Hopefully that gaming list shrinks quickly.
• Paramore!! Second time I saw them live. Still great but I connected more with their previous album.
• Getting on the dating scene? A bit embarrassing but I can own up to it. Been on way more dates than the last 4 years combined. No winners…yet.
• A year without Star Trek Online. I haven’t logged in for so long. I think I can finally move on since the Kelvin timeline and Discovery kind of gave me a sour taste for it.
• Nuit Blanche art event. Spent the entire night checking out all the arts and culture. Last year was way too political. Still very crowded if not worse.
• Bought CD’s. An old medium but once I get a portable disc player, I’m going to have fun.
• I got Instagram to share some photos.
• I got business cards, I wish I could add my Instagram on them. They came first.

Still more to come in the last few weeks. My plans are to buy the SNES Classic and maybe the NES. I’m thinking of another Niagara trip either Niagara-On-The-Lake or somewhere small. I still want to snap photos and hopefully punch through to 400 on 500px. Lastly…

…I want to write my final post for the year. Stay tuned!

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Anniversary Post & Latent Replies

I’ve been out from posting the past few weeks. I had no time to compose anything. The past few weeks with work bogged down, I had only time to shower and eat and nothing more. Let me just say life in retail has been short but I’ve learned the good side and bad side of retail.

During the Christmas retail season, I’ve learned much about what sales associates go through. To be honest with you, it’s frustrating and stressful for everyone involved. However having a hostile work environment does make it worse which was the unfortunate circumstance I had to be in after several months of working at the same place. Right on the Eve, I’ve had it and I think my manager has the same with me. I don’t consider this individual as my employer but just a slave driver. Anywho, that’s probably a drunken rambling for the next anniversary post.

So it’s that time of year again where WordPress likes to tell me it’s “our” anniversary. I made this joke before but it’s worth mentioning. It’s a long term relationship and probably the longest I will ever have. Haha. No matter, I just like having this little digital sanctum to journal my life. Looking forward to the new year, I still do think I have a lot of interesting things to do.

This year is actually going to be a snowy new year. Grabbing my camera and definitely travelling locally to see new vistas. Speaking of which, I should get back to uploading more photos on my 500px page.  With the little time I’ve had I’ve managed to do something new and special for myself. I preface, this is not a sponsored post. For the past months, I’ve been considering getting personal business cards especially for my photography portfolio. I’ve been shopping locally until I found a shop called VistaPrint. I found later after my first visit, they are actually an online company and this being their flagship store. After finding the time to return for a repeat visit, I finally order about 500 cards. It might be overkill, but it’s was a steal since it was only $10 with their holiday offer. Otherwise I would’ve gotten a smaller amount, like 100 or so. I’m a bit excited though I wish I had something cooler to put on the card. Hopefully I’ll get them shortly in the new year.

I’m still doing the YouTube thing and playing all the games. Actually Steam has their annual winter sale, I’ve bought a few more games which I won’t be playing until next Christmas. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to play them all and upload something.

For now I’ll just enjoy the bit of relaxed unemployment. Probably get back to do my own photography. If they call me for work, I did make my intent known. I was going to play nice to declare my resignation two weeks before I leave but this manager really put it out there. Technically not illegal from what I’ve read however they have to let me know if I have been terminated. Don’t care, I’ve voluntarily withdrew my employment in a busy store and it’s the holiday season and if I remember correctly I have most if not the entire law on my side as the employee. My only regret is I wish I could work with my old manager, they were way more polite and way more helpful this garbage person. Though hopefully I can be re-employed under my old manager than any other.

Anyways, I’m glad I have a few days to myself.

Settling Into The Holidays.

I’m almost done with work. Just a couple more weeks, then I’m going on a month long gaming binge. Recently I’ve been spending a couple hours a day at a time recording and editing. It’s been kind of bit slow since I haven’t hit the gym in a couple month, I should return to the gym but video games are so much fun. I would like to push hard to record all those games I bought so many moons ago, all 4 games. I doubt I would complete them within the month since most of them are sandbox games; I would like to at least finish Prison Architect, Call To Arms  and one more (Skyrim if I can binge the entire game). Speaking of which, I’m about $30 away from owning the entire Skyrim collection; just two more DLC’s!

Speaking of games, I’ve been looking around to all the people I’ve met who would like to play more cooperative stuff. The last coop recording I did was in Insurgency which was fun, but I think I should do something different and interesting. Trying to see if there is a game I have and someone wants to spend a few months or more on it. Space Engineers does take forever to get somewhere interesting. I have Star Trek Online, I could do the story campaigns with someone in odd ships.  I might return to The Long Dark, not co-op but I would like to at least die in the game. However The Long Dark suffered more like Stardew Valley where I lost interest. Ryan, the guy who I use to play a lot of Pulsar:Lost Colony, had Empyrion: Galactic Survival but I would like to go the survival stuff with a partner or a group. Especially starting from scratch and ending with a large ship or completing the massive project.

As I’m editing my gameplay, I’ve been watching a lot of livestreams. Not sure if I ever mentioned or tried to look up what I need to stream, but I recently looked up how much I really need to stream in HD. Safe to say, I’m no way close to a bandwidth to stream; maybe a 480p stream, could be less. So I can hardly play a game with a live audience, maybe some day when Canadian ISP’s were cheaper. For now and until next time, I’ll keep recording and playing.

Generically Made In China

This week I’m having a string a bad luck, more than usual considering how my luck has been over the last few years. When the world throws so much at same time, it does feel these events have created a rough moment. Hopefully if I catalogue it all, I would feel better about it. If not, I hope someone out there can comfort me and let me know.

Starting with the start of this week. I always check my calendar for holidays. Since my family home doesn’t have TV, I rely on my Google account for a lot of things that may seem trivial. So on my calendar it said it was “Family Day”. In Canada, it’s a statutory holiday in early February as a way to let people spend time with friends and family. With each holiday celebrating on certain days, names and setting the date, this is where it gets tricky. The Family Day listed for this week was for the folks in British Columbia and I live in the place that is not British Columbia. When I went to work the next day, I was confused when my co-workers asked where I was yesterday. I sure got a talking to when I realized a missed a day of work. I was indeed furious since at the moment I cannot be wrong. Working at the moment is important for me; priority one: work butt off since I need the money to do things. Missing a day could mean less for me some day in the future. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing at all.

On the Wednesday, I started to do some housekeeping. Okay not necessarily housekeeping (Though I should do some of that as well), but I had paperwork I have to do on a monthly. So when I was done printing and filing, I had to head out to the post office. I realized it’s time to file for taxes. Not sure where you folks are but here in Canada, we have to report our T4 slips. T4’s is a document form your employer that indicates to the government you work there and you have paid towards certain social services and made contributions to these programs. So for me to receive my T4, I have to be at work; which I missed. You can say I can drop into work next week; I say to that, “Family Day”. Yup, the stat holiday I thought happened this week is next week so I won’t be able to receive my slip until two weeks time. Which sucks because after my troubling times in high school, I like to try and stay on top of my paperwork as much as I can before it all stacks on me.

To top it off, my generically built AC adaptor for my laptop has finally bust. After being slid, dropped, overheated, abused, misused and mistreated over the years I’ve had it, it’s finally unable to do what it’s suppose to be designed to do. For the price at the time, it was a steal. However now, I have a couple choices. First being to replace the damaged part which is stretched and torn, it could set me back half the price of a dodgy charger. Second option would be to buy something new and probably more reliable than something that came from China in a brown box. She’s an old laptop, I’m not giving up on her because she’s old and battered.

While looking into replacement parts, I decided to Google for PC builders. And for under $1000, I could potentially get a computer that can outpace my computer right now. However the problem is my mentality of keeping everything until it breaks. At the moment as I look at my 8 year old PC, she’s stilling going strong. She might make some noises that worry me, but she’s holding on. I can run all the games I like on her. Only downfall is size and quality. If I had a better GPU (Graphics Processing Unit), I would record my gameplay on a higher quality. A better GPU I think would require a better motherboard, which means a whole new CPU. So for the price of half of my computer’s value, I could get one that’s either on par or way better for years to come. However this is where I draw the line. I don’t have enough money to save up and anything I’m saving now is going toward hopefully moving out someday. In the end I know I’m going to need more than just this job at the moment to keep me on track.

Laying in all my current frustrations, I’m not quite sure what to make of all of this. If this is nothing, then it will pass. In this mood, I feel anger, sadness and melodrama; I need another voice besides my own to sort me out. Until next time, sort me out.

Quick Change

Recently I have been taking stock of the past year; like every year before it, I try and compare myself to the previous year and find what I can do to improve myself. In the ebb and flow of time, the past year has felt more like burning bridges than building them.

From the start, I started out in a low part of my life. I thought six years ago was the lowest part of my life, within a short time I’ve definitely lucked out with the best parts of me. At the same time, I embarked a different things. I began exercising more regularly for starters. It hasn’t yielded results, it is something I want to commit to myself to live better and healthier. I have to admit I haven’t keeping up with it lately, I partially blame the season. The heat is a tad absent and the weather seems a bit more damp. Trust me, I’m trying to be fit and healthy and all that jazz.

Since January, I’ve revived my YouTube channel devoted to sharing games I like to play. For the moment I’ve stayed away from Kerbal Space Program since construction and travel takes awhile to do. Rendezvous with KOLab orbital station takes awhile in vanilla and I would like to play the entire series without the mods available to me. For now, hiatus on KSP but I’m working on playing other games. At the moment in the line-up, I am playing the early access of Interstellar Marines while using IndieDB to find interesting games to play like The Dwarves. Artistically, I have stepped away from making title cards for every video I’m making. I think rather than trying to promote my channel through a video, I should just focus on the gameplay. I’ll still make thumbnails though because it looks cleaner and well organized. A few things I should improve upon should be getting more games to play and demo. This is a bit more complicated because I don’t budget for entertainment stuff in my life. At the moment, my focus is on early access games and free to play. There are a good games that need to be out there than playing the trends. Though I do get into the mainstream and popular games, I want to show you guys the new and obscure games you’re missing.

I noticed my upload schedule has been a bit down lately, it’s for an important reason. I would like to devote more time looking for a job and trying to sort out stuff that’s going on in my life in meatspace. Only if I was a popular YouTuber or had some entrepreneurial prowess to start an internet company that just plays video games. It would be pretty amazing.

Until next time, this thanksgiving I am just thankful that even in all the bad things I don’t want to mention, there are shards of hope and happiness. And I hope this thanksgiving you guys are thankful for the happiness the world has brought upon you.

Valentine’s Day – Not what I remembered it

This wretched day and I had never really been close. Year after year, the same mindless stuff is set out on display from the start of February until the Easter decorations go up the next day. Every year, it is the same thing considering I sit in my room and play video games; though this year I’m accompanied by a bit of vodka. Not lonely and sad if I’m drinking to celebrate.

Valentine’s Day has lost its meaning. Now it seems more of a lustful endeavour than a display of passion. Use to be the day to commemorate a legend of human compassion, now seems ever more as an industrial, hyper-sexualized gimmick to promote human reproduction. It is not now I have realized this. I spent a good number of Valentine’s Days watching people hook up and break apart. We might well call it Pon Farr Day for all the likely bump and grind sessions happening right now (if coitus was represented by the media).

Nonetheless, I am happy for those couples celebrating. Those that hooked up for the day, that’s okay too since it’s your heart to be shattered. The day of chocolate, candy, flowers and lots of possible poems portraying a beloved muse. Though such things should have a counterpoint. Like a good relationship, two is better than one. I propose for next you my fellow bloggers a new day to balance all the happy and sad people on Valentine’s Day. A day where you can be allowed to eat all the chocolate you want, watch all the movies you want, and write sad (if you want) poetry all you want…alone! I call this day “De-Valentine’s Day”. The day falls on the day you think about Valentine’s Day. So pretty much any day of the year, just go with it! DV Day, the holiday where you just don’t care. Meant to be celebrated alone and any fashion you damn well please. So tomorrow will be day 3 for me. I plan on eating my face in and maybe spend time finding a job. Of course, all of you are welcome to join me. Wherever you are thinking of the sheer loneliness, just go out and do something you want to do; especially stuff your face with food part.

Take it easy, folks. I’ll talk to you next time.

Happy new sickness…

Sorry guys for the lapse in content. There were some unforeseen consequences in the fact that I got sick and wicked bedridden for the last few days. I thought spending time with people I like to hang out with would be nice, but I guess Santa Clause thought I was super naughty and gave me an illness. Lets rewind back and give you the full story.

T’was the week of Christmas, playing some STO.

Then I got a text from my sis saying “D&D, wanna go?”

Leapt from my chair and donned my coat, I marched through the white,

Might’ve stopped by Subways, for a small bite.

Moving through slush, I reached the steps up.

Got in and was invited with a full teacup.

Boldly we rolled our characters, a Dwarf of healing.

Had a feeling we would all be wiping.

Into forests we traverse to a world unknown.

“Hey getting pizza, what you want?” a female tone.

…okay, I’m sick so this rhyming, is heavy on head.

I felt sick after that and went home to bed.

 

After Christmas I felt the symptoms; coughing, headache, sore throat. So I did my best to rest. Right before the Eve, thats when it got all worse. I woke up with a fever and my body was just tired. So I stayed in bed until my fever broke, and it did after a few days with most of the symptoms. Almost day four, and I’m trying to choke out the coughing. Rest and fluids should help, but I still have a headache. In a house full of noise, well it’s to rid it. I do my best to sleep when it’s loud and try to do what I can to not make it worse. But this headaches gone so far, I want to shut them all up by with some germ warfare with my coughing. On the upside, I got some neat gifts. Without any hard drive space, I am going to have to play them one at a time. 

I was able to get some headway with Skyrim with the Dawnguard DLC. After, maybe run around in the nuclear wasteland of New Vegas in Fallout. However I do want to pay GLaDoS a quick visit in Portal 2 and maybe try some player made creations. 

Well, I wish the Internet can help me recover right now from my illness. I don’t know, somehow feed me chicken noodle soup through my Playbook. I could use some warm delicious soup with chunky chicken bits.

Until that day comes, I’m going back to staring at my ceiling in the dark. Until next week, I hope you all had a better [insert holiday here] and a hangover-free New Year. Now back to bed….