Took me awhile to really sit down for this one. For one thing, I haven’t told my doctor I’ve been off my medication yet. I should call them and get them to give me the okay on it, but it’s been about a month and I’ve been feeling fine almost fine. My mind has been preoccupied with a few tasks that are incomplete, even “half ass-ness” is something incomplete at the moment (I think 5 “quarter half ass-ness” is putting it a bit too generous too). But here it goes, getting personal with stuff.
About a few years ago on my hopeful last year of high school, I had a lot of trouble in terms of finishing stuff. Just straight on unable to complete anything, mind wandering in class, and even my attendance dropped significantly. I use to be the kid who would go to school and infect other kids just so I won’t be absent or miss a class. And too those kids who did get sick; don’t blame me, blame my parents for forcing school on me. So there I was, the oldest teenager in school sent down to the vice principal’s office on the one day out of the month I actually made it to school. He sat me down and asked what’s wrong with me. Seriously man, I was pretty freaking young and there was a lot of things wrong with me because of everything sabotaged by entities beyond my control. My life at that point was pretty much a mastery of puppetry. My answer I think was “I have no excuse or reason, sir.” Then he started the whole interrogation thing with the whys and the whats followed by the whens and the “how can we fix this?” Anyways, a long amount of time has passed as in I spent most of the period in that office just trying to get out of it since every visit I had with an authority figure in an educational institution up to that day was for a bad thing (for the record, I wasn’t a bad kid…just a kid who never had a chance for anything). Anyways about a good hour passed in this question period and the only result was a school psychologist was assigned to me. I tried making to the appointments, attended only 2 sessions with little to no success. It just made me feel a bit more miserable since I was set aside from my classes and pretty much flunking even faster than I was before since I’m at school but I’m not in class. But I was skipping so much I couldn’t make it to every appointment so after awhile I just forgotten about it.
So halfway through my last year of high school (…again), I finally cleaned up enough to talk to my physician who referred me to a psychiatrist. Ever since then, it’s a drugged filled roller coaster ride to find out what’s wrong with me and ways to cope with it. First I thought I was just depressed, but my head doc said I may have ADHD. I read and compared both and I believe I might have ADHD after all. It took a good half decade to really figure it out, but I’m glad I can identify the problem. Unfortunately, that’s the first step into getting out of the hole good ol’ life has dug for me. No less, a good step out of it.
I read from a lot of recommended sources about ADHD and Wikipedia and I am certain of the symptoms to be more incline to ADHD symptoms. Most of these as honest I can put it, don’t bode well for me in terms of getting hired for jobs. Second to that would be according to Wikipedia, I would need more than life to sustain me. By that I mean a lot of stimulation of the brain area region where my mind is housed in a muscular tissue within the skull cavity. To break it down to 4 symptoms wouldn’t do it justice but anything that’s based on a workload, mood or behaviour changes up how you play the game, which includes according to Wikipedia on Adult ADHD:
- Inattention
- Difficulty in task management (initiating, completing, multitasking etc.)
- Impulsive
- Seeks constant activity
I have accounted a lot of people who have no clue how this must be like because they’re always showing pity on me or something. Seriously if I could describe their quizzical emotion, it would be between ignorance and misrepresented curiosity. Either case it’s a response when I tell them this fact is like this:
Oh………………-forgets about that fact and moves on-
So to those who may not know how ADHD feels like on the inside or want to know more on a personal level, here’s how you can really understand it, through some morbid random story I cooked up for your entertainment! Start by making a long list of stuff you want to do. Now go to the mall or anywhere with a lot of stuff. From what point on, do everything on the list but every time you see an item or a person or anything, describe or name it. You see a long pointy object, it’s a pencil. What else is like a pencil? a pen. What can you do with a pen? Write an awesome list. What’s on that list? Well you already have one, so why are you asking? Now when you get to each task you want to do, half ass it. I’m serious; if one of the things is “pick up milk at the grocery store” you better leave that check out lane without putting back the milk you wanted to buy. I mean it, like totally ditch that dairy and walk out to work on the next thing on the list. Keep doing it until you went down that list and did everything half ass.
- “Babysit [insert noun]” – arrive to babysit, play video games and eat all the junk food
- “Write a story” – first part is very detailed and then as you get up to the middle somewhere, end it in midsentence.
- “Pay your bills at the bank” – Don’t pay for it, just withdraw $20 and buy some junk food and play video games.
- “Take out the trash” – Take the trash out of the trash bin…you’re done with that task.
- “Write a two part blog post” – Start with the first part, the second part will require 20 breaks to play video games and watch YouTube.
Well you get the point from the sample. While you walk about, don’t forget the part where you see something you will have to name it or describe it. This is to emphasize the point that, your brain is firing everything it’s got to process everything. It just doesn’t stop on a whim; it goes at 100 km/h, it will always goes 100km/h. Though medical science can coin it a disorder all they want, but in all the faults it has its moments when it comes in handy. I may be indecisive, but I can also make the most impulsive chooses at a drop of a hat. I might not be smart in terms of just picking one thing and getting a major for it, but overall I’m know a bit more about the world than a few people who have majored in university (kind of ironic). Besides the points, the Wikipedia page also says it could be hereditary of it anything it is most definitely a problem than an ability (…or is it evolution? I don’t know, throwing ideas out there).
From learning this mysterious thing I have, I learned much about myself and life itself. The lesson is life in it’s fairest ways is its unfair quality to be fairly unfair. Life does suck for one and for all, but life does many good thing for one and for all.
Talk to you guys next week!
nawkcire 