Specifics

I recently had the privilege of going out with a bunch of coworkers. It’s something I do quite often to know the people I work with on a weekly basis. However recently one of them posed a question to me about what I want in life; starting from the woman I would  like in my life down to where I want to be. I realized I something about my life I have so forgotten; I could never describe everything to this person next to me on the steps about what I want, how could I ever find someone if I don’t what I am looking for in terms of looks and personality.

My entire existence up to now has been just a happenstance and good faith. I grew up understanding my own personal needs are irrelevant and even if I wanted something, I would get somewhere close to my intended result. The earliest was my first console, as much as the Super Nintendo was an amazing system, I wanted an N64.

They finally convinced me I should really start to put an effort in finding something to keep me grounded. I don’t necessarily have a steady job but I really want to find someone out there to share a life with even though I and we haven’t figured something out yet. The problem is who exactly I want to be with in that relationship.

Not only who I want to date, but where I want to live and work in the future. I don’t have all the answers but I should really seek them. Then maybe finally I will get what I want.

Advertisement

Determination.

Last 7 years for me hasn’t been the smoothest time of my life, nor has the past decade. In my times as a teenage and even not in my youthful adulthood, I always have to remember progress comes at a price. Regardless what I do, what we do; easy or hard, we do make small or large sacrifices to make sure it gets done.

Admittedly, I’m not a top score student. I have talked about my ADHD openly with you here and you can understand how difficult it is to pay attention at times. Even with the minimal distractions, I can easily be distracted. Which means sometimes I don’t always complete tasks or I never really see my goals through. My teachers and counsellors use to say I should set goals for myself. To be honest, even goal setting is a challenge for me since I would wander away from those goals and head towards something entirely. When I’m approached with the same question, I tell them same; goals setting is only a visualization of your end state. Goals happen at the other end and not necessarily what happens between where you are now and where you will end. Within this space, a lot can happen to throw you off your goal; and a lot will turn up to prevent you from finishing. I am not a firm believer of setting goals, but I do believe in setting steps towards an end state.

Like many things you learn or do, require set of instructions in a form of steps. With in these steps, certain things have to happen before you can continue to the next step. Once you finish the last step, you have done what you need to do to get to where you are now. For me, I set steps to get from one point to the next. Taking it at my own pace as efficiently as possible. These steps aren’t listed by they merge within to the following step to keep with the flow to get to the end state or goal. In honesty, most of these steps don’t necessarily take me to a goal. Rather these steps help me progress farther along the chain, not necessarily small goals because these are not my desire end states but rather points where I know I completed a small contribution to a large task. Let’s face it with a ADHD head, every task is a large task.

No matter how painful and long this takes, you take each step towards something you want to complete. Sure you can call it a goal, but I call it an end state. An end state being whether it is complete or not and even towards something I didn’t necessarily desired to happen. What matters you learned something from the experiences you had, did you best to get where you need to go, tried your hardest to push yourself there and saw it to the end.

Until next time remember no matter what your end state you want, always push yourself towards what you want to do or become and to never stop pushing yourself to it.