Here You Are Again

Odd thing that happened on my Facebook recently.

Occasionally, I like to cull my private online profiles. Ridding people I’ve fallen out of or haven’t seen in a long time. Sometimes they’ll never add me back, which I’m totally okay with and I’ve been on the receiving end of a social media culling a few times. I can totally understand however this one time when I lost someone physically and they disappeared off my friends list, it felt terrible.

Setting: recently, I accidentally set a status update to public and they liked it back. Honestly, a lot of emotion flooded back when I was first notified. I do think of them fondly however knowing they still bookmarked me is interesting. When I first realized, I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to let them know I’m alright but open to talk. The best I could think I could do is just write another status update.

This is a first for me and I’m not quite sure if I did the right thing. As the shy me, I would say I handled it well.

What do you guys think?

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Rough Routine

It’s been a busy weekend to say the least, been trying to keep the days busy so I don’t fall back to where I was a couple weeks ago. Knowing my body and mind and fall apart like that worries me. Suffering from a panic attack really opened my eyes to the oddity that is the human mind and body. Best for me to keep busy and keep my mind away from all those weird thoughts I use to have.

What the plan and routine now is to push myself into doing more gameplay recording for my YouTube channel. Forcing myself to get back on the weekly posting schedule on this WordPress blog is a good course, wouldn’t want to abandon this (or abandon you). I might do a bit more in real life as well, weather is getting better to do more photography stuff. Depending how work looks for the summer, I might get certified for a few things. I spent a few times thinking about getting a bit certified to serve alcohol, maybe try bartending.

I don’t want to set out a schedule and a routine, seeing how my past endeavours became after I put a schedule in for myself. Yeah…that’s not going to happen since I never stick to a strict schedule. For now just do a few things everyday and see what may come. Hopefully my mood improves and a positive attitude will last.

Good Luck Next Time

I know I haven’t been staggering away from my traditional weekly blog posts, I’ve been caught up with work recently. A lot of out and about work and with the recent weather, I’ve been taking my camera out in the warm sunny days.

However I’ve been holding back writing a post about relationships because I should really be the last person to give relationship advice. I take that back, I should be the bottom ten people you should ask. In the past month or two, everyone is either getting in trouble with relationships or wanting to leave a relationship. As the nice single male I am, I always suck myself into these conversations with “Tell me about it.”

I want to be the helping hand and open ear for someone to feel good. A lot of people I’ve talked to drink heavily after a relationship; not going to lie if I had the money, I would’ve done the same. Usually drinking alone and suffering is the same, nothing is solved and it will still hurt at the end. The  weird thing is I find one within the pair who was seeking more than just a physical relationship and that’s what gets me.

I do believe in this century, there are variability in the definition of love but the still hardest to grasp I’ve seen and witness is romantic love. I’ve had closely had a romantic relationship and compared to people I’ve meet seemed to want the same, the love of another person. I almost want to tell them a daring truth that what they seek is not a physical embodiment of love but a love which can only be received in kind and care. Even then I don’t think they would reciprocate in the sense to understand romantic love but to rationalize their needs in that context. Romantic love is not a date on the calendar or a price tag, it’s the devotion and the willingness to weather hardships of not your own but others. Still as you read this, some will say it’s easy or asking how but that is the difficulty of romantic love and how I think it’s the greatest of loves. If done right it can reciprocate with bounty and if done incorrectly can hurt the most toughest of souls.

I would want that romantic love but it is just an idea most people see as unobtainable. From my point of view even if I don’t ever find that romantic love, I will still look for it and her.

I Done Did It…

Sometimes in a oddest situations you find yourself considering the weirdest things. This comes especially if you can’t sleep because the heat is getting to you and the heat is making you think of some really loopy things. This early morning was one of those times.

I dear friend of mine in Star Trek Online joined me on a loot farming excursion on Nimbus, the new instance in the Legacy of Romulus which came out recently. This guy (or at least from their avatar) and I go back a long ways when I first started doing Special Task Force missions for end game loot. We usually just hang out and talk and exchange items from time to time when the need comes for it; trust building and all that. He’s been keeping me up to date on his fleet and even at times came for me about advice on management issues. After when the loot boxes were introduced, I knew I won’t be able to open these without a bit of help. With no one to turn at the time considering I have two active people on my friends list, I struck a deal with one of them; my old pal Gibbs. Fast forward to today, about a year after.

Still providing the lock boxes I’ve found to Gibbs and the joint venture into splitting the contents within, of course Gibbs gets dibs, the friendship is fairly mutual. Nowadays we just talk and trade lockboxes and their contents; but tonight I committed to doing one thing I would hardly consider in the past with my experience in guilds and clans. Quite unthinkable of me, but I’ve decided on joining a fleet. No recruiting pitch, no incentive, just out of friendship to see what it’s about. So I made the call while farming some loot with Gibbs, “invite me”.

In the sands of Nimbus, I joined a fleet. Like many times before, I hope later on I will not regret it considering most of the time I felt there were ulterior motives attached to my recruitment.  That why I it took me this long to really decide to join a fleet. Also I never found it necessary to play STO in a fleet, seemed like one of those thing you would join just to put more time into to waste away more stuff that’s been piling up. Maybe this time, I will take it lightly and maybe keep away from any responsibilities. Well maybe take on some responsibilities because from what I can tell I could help out in some nonmaterial way.