Day 14 – Fitness

Sorry I missed yesterday’s post schedule, I had to record some video for my gaming channel on YouTube. It spiralled out of control really quickly. Got to love the time consuming quality of video games.

I admit recently with all the video games I’ve been recording and editing, I haven’t found the time to really work out. I tried my best to keep my regime for 5 months, but recently I officially broke regime. I have not had anyone approach me asking for health advice. If they did I think the top three advice I would give is to maintain a schedule, have a variable routine and be motivated.

The schedule doesn’t have to be dead on but if you’re sitting down a lot or not moving, going to the gym about 2 or 3 times a day would help keep you active. This is dependent on how much food you consume. In my mind, I think all the energy consumed should be burned off. If not all, then most of the food should be burned off through exercise. Just 2 or 3 one hour sessions a week for me is pretty good.

In terms of what to do for an hour, keep it different every time. If it doesn’t feel like work, you will enjoy it. Sometimes for me I switch between a bit of lifts and crossfit. Some times I go half and half, then there are days I just try something new. Don’t fall into the trap of doing one thing over and over until you achieve results.

Motivation is the reason why people back out of new years resolutions. Some people make those resolutions to get fit and give up two months later because it was an impulse at the time to go to the gym. To maintain motivation, positive thinking helps a lot. Encourage yourself to do one more rep or set, listen to music, bring supportive friends, just anything to get you working out.

Until next time, get out there and get fit because you can do it.

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Tenacity.

Recently, I had the opportunity to use my “once a month” airsoft budget to play again. This time rather than the shy timid person I was, I opened up to myself as the personality that I am towards my fellow players. Though I must admit I was a bit physically rough with myself with some sustained injuries, it wasn’t that painful compared to my last experience. Definitely lessons learned and points to sustain for every outing. However this time as I readied for the first round of the night (2 v. 2 team deathmatch), I felt less of the hesitation and nervousness that I feel when I try something new. Second time at the facility, I really felt ready to play. My rifle recalibrated and optics finally sighted, any fears faded and began to live here and now. As the referee counted down – “THREE”, my mind racing and thinking. Will I draw blood this time around? I am getting older, why am I living like this? “TWO”, how will this round will turn out? how will other think if my injuries was caused by these actions? Hundreds of questions until the call. “ONE”, silence. It was me, my breath and heartbeat as I drew my rifle up for the go.

Many things in my life, the best things happened in my life this far, have occurred when I’m nervous and scared. Unsure of the future, unsure of the consequences; risk and risk alone was the award for me. Yet risk and risk alone was what ended those great ventures. When I was young, I feared risk. Risk of injury, risk of loss, risk of failure. Much of the best years of my life is avoiding risk. I realize risk is what I need the most.

Life is indeed about trying new things, growing outside a shell. Though it’s not permission to go wild, it’s the steadfast determination when facing impending consequences. Being into the very moment to think and react and to not be ready what will have days and weeks beyond.

This moment in time is what we have left of ourselves. The next moment might not be the same. It could be but there is nothing to gain in a moment if it is the same. In the very moment, nothing beyond should really matter but right now. In my life, it has only happened once. The moment when my mind clears and I am in that moment. The moment when everything is nothing but what I hear, smell, touch and see. Itself in words only can quantify an infinite feeling. It’s almost exhilarating and yet I dare find it.

Lesser are my fears even if they exists. Facing them and challenging them is one thing I alone must achieve. Perhaps in it all fear is our greatest enemy but tenacity is humanities greatest weapon.

Finding balance

It has always been a problem with me. The world isn’t a linear place; when you have everything set in, some new is willing to test you. I realized this when I was a teen when I tried to balance work and school. It never really panned out since the schedules always conflict and it was my grades or job performance would drop because of it. Sure I could ask for extension and different test days or a different work schedule, but it would never work out.

As pessimistic as it seems, it is the reality. When you finally settle into something you want to do or want, you will realize the other half of it. When you finally settle down, you feel like you have nothing really left to explore or be curious about. You would feel a plateau much like exercising when your body begins to easily accept its regime. At the end, it doesn’t benefit you as much as it did before. Later like I have learned after so long, you will find you just want something more – something different. You want to stretch out there and find something worth pursuing. Like being steady, I found it’s somewhat difficult to do something entirely new and abandon what you already know. Just from what you feel comfortable to what you don’t really feel comfortable, it’s a quick adjustment you can’t really transition towards even if you really wanted.

Change, I find is incremental. It is never sudden, never immediate, never always helpful. Change is merely a transition from a method or idea to another. While in change, we find and discover new things and even question where we will go and where we have come from. In my lifetime, I have witnessed much change. The internet going from phone lines to fibre optics, from personal websites to social media, from homophobia to homophilia to name a few. Even with all this, we are still on the bring of new and different things; some scarier than others. Net neutrality for instance, where companies are slowly pushing to allow speed throttling to certain websites and services at a cost. Civil wars clashing between the people, their oppressors and armed fundamentalists who go against everyone else but themselves. Change is tumultuous, either in the self of in the society. Whether you want to or not, change is always there to test you.

As for me, change is a bit different. It is not a bloodbath or a peaceful demonstration. It is a test of growing and becoming someone I feel comfortable with knowing. It is a change in identity, to question who I was and who I will and want to become. How far am I willing to push myself? Is this my purpose? These are the questions I ask myself sometimes to affirm myself of what I want to do and become. I want to be athletic, so I exercise. I want play video games but not too much, so I starting recording gameplay. I want to get going on a career I find I can be challenged but enjoy; well, I’m working on it and I will let you know how that turns out.

For me, I have been having trouble with balancing my life with change. I have been a bit unfaithful to myself towards tasks and I just want a steady pace while doing new things. It hasn’t come out clean, but I managed to find a balance. Finding that intersect where you feel comfortable but also comfortable enough to try something different. As ambitious as it is, I want to do more and do different things. I want to volunteer but so far no one has accept my applications. I want to exercise more, but it’s getting colder. These are my changes I want happen and I am willing. The questions is about commitment and motivation. Which I have been thinking about a lot in my mind.

Change is something you cannot avoid, but you can control the flow. However over time, there will be change regardless of how slow you want to take it. You never know all the outcomes but you know the best and worse of them. You will never get what you want at the end but change will teach and open you to new things if you let it. Even at it’s worst, change can help you understand a bit around you where you failed to see it before. It might not help you in the future, but it would humble you to know. You never always control how much change, but you can control how much you can accept over time. You may disagree now, but sooner or later you will come around and change your opinions. No matter how rigid you stay, you will crumble; you can either break apart or slowly build upon it. You don’t get a beach body in a matter of weeks in May, you start working towards it at the beginning of year or maybe take you a few years. You don’t get millions of dollars within a month (unless you win it all), you save a little away to get to that amount whether it’s a dollar a month or a dollar a day. You have to be dedicated to change to accept it or change will do it for you. It is your choice to be who you want and do what you want to do in life.

Until next time, let’s all spare a little change.

Leg Days…

This week, I started running. Fairly late into the season, but I thought after a good few weeks of hitting the pool I thought I was ready to push myself. Spoilers, I was sorely wrong.

Early in the week I started with an easy 500 metre jog. Literally felt like nothing, I think I would be able to sprint it if I could. However exercise to me is more about speed; endurance is just as important as speed itself, sometimes it’s not about outrunning your time but more of being able to go farther at a pace. A day later in the morning, I tried a one kilometre run. For people who are inclined for imperial units of measurement, it’s about 0.6 of a mile. This time I decide to push myself a bit harder. I have to admit, I’m out of shape and I felt a bit of fatigue right up to the end. Yesterday, I completed a distance of 2 km. Not much of a feat but more like muscle memory, I’m still feeling it up to this morning. I’ve been known to be physically aggressive with my own body when it comes to fitness but I know this is the tip of the iceberg.

No doubt I want to live a bit healthier on a budget, but the problem is I’m not a health nut. I don’t feel automatically motivated to exercise yet I do want to be more and do more than sitting for extended periods of time. With much consideration, I think I’m going to dedicate an hour a day minimum for physical fitness. Even at the end of the year and through into 2015, I want to be healthier. No longer this “I want to try” business. It’s been a constant for me over the summer to not exercise and now with just under two weeks of summer, it’s now all down to pushing it to the end of the year. Rain or shine, to and through the limit.

Right now, it’s a matter of consistency and variation. So far lots of cardio from swimming and running, weight training is still out of the question. A gym membership is beyond my budget, sticking to push ups would only last for a good while. I could only wish I had some weights.

Late Lifestyle Change

Summer’s ending which meant community pools are closing fairly soon. It’s unfortunate because recently I got into swimming again after half a decade avoiding it. I might have swam a few years back but never returned since. However recently though I’ve been feeling the need to exercise more. No pressure or anything, just thought about it and decided to do it. At first I did a bit of sit ups and push up and now I’m starting to take an interest in swimming. Likely not going to be competitive but more recreational for it’s health benefits.

After a week of swimming at the local pool, I already came to a few conclusions. First being I’m very out of shape. In my teens, I could swim a lap or two but now a lap is pretty much just out of reach at the moment. Regardless, I am definitely capitalize as much of the summer remaining to swim. Even on my “busy” recording schedule for my gameplay series on YouTube, I should find something outside and outdoors to do.

At the moment I’m still as hesitant as I was before with running and jogging. I think it’s more of a self esteem issue I want to confront but I haven’t gotten the gall to put up with it. Any advice to anyone with a friend with self esteem issues; if they want to confront their problems, help them at all cost. Seriously if I had a friend, I would want them to help me through some of these problems. In time, I’ll find my way through it; just will and the choice to do something about it will take me there.

On the video game front, I’ve been enjoying Kerbal Space Program a bit more. Maybe because I have a plan or a fixed time limit because of the series, but I’m really enjoying it. The career mode is pretty dull but combined with the let’s play series on my channel, I like it. I feel I can definitely share all the highs and lows. So far as of this post, I’ve been into orbit a few times, rescued a couple Kerbals, and set up two satellites around our fair planet. And of course since career has contracts, I’ve been working on testing parts for money and science to get the jobs I want done. For the moment in the future, big plans and construction plans are coming up. Mostly setting up a permanent presence in the Kerbol system. Maybe considering on some roleplay in career mode. Sky’s the limit, quite literally. Definitely a lot of plans for manned and unmanned missions. Hopefully go beyond what I already have done in the game in the past, which is travel to the two moons around Kerbin. With the ARM (Asteroid Redirect Mission) update, definitely want to showcase a bit of that content as well. Not sure when but definitely when I feel confident on orbital rendezvous.

Besides KSP, I’ve been approached by some Steam friends on playing some other games with them and maybe record some of those as one off videos. I did do a few videos in Insurgency but I found the content wasn’t that interesting. Who knows, I might record more Insurgency and maybe get working on an Unturned collaborative series. For now, my system can handle storing a regular gameplay series and some videos here and there. As far as having a parallel series in another game, that will require some help.

For now I have a good balance between KSP and swimming. I can upload while I swim, then coming back I can continue editing. That’s how life should be, balance. 

Back to Dilithium Farming – Trading in Dilithium for Push Ups

I’m starting to reach to the point in Star Trek Online again. You know that point in every game where you reach exploring the content and you seem to reach the end of everything there is to see. In the current Season 6, it’s mostly filled with features with systems concerning fleets. I’m all for new content for those people who like to group up to get stuff done, but this season is mostly for those fleets. Aside from the Tholian Incursion ground combat stuff, there’s nothing for the lone wolves. Making this a deal because previous seasons had story content to enjoy, I just hope before season 7 they do have story missions for the new content already in. I think this time around, there is more focus on the cash-generating content from the Lock Boxes and Lobi Crystals. Suffice to say, they’re doing very little to expand inventory space for the new gear they’re pulling out and they’re whipping out new items like whips and swords; upside at least is most Lobi Crystal stuff is consumable but if not bound, you could have a lot on your hands to sell for energy credits. For now, I miss the whole episodic content portion from the game.

So with this disappointment, I went crawling back to gather dilithium for my Credit Store; oh wait, I mean the Zen Store. They changed up the name and converted to the Perfect World’s game currency. I kind of like it, not real opinion on it. Anyways back to farming my dilithium. It’s wicked boring and lame, but at least there are some back door ways to really get it done everyday. Still takes two hours or less, but still much of a heavy grind of about 450 to 2000 per task. And the tasks range from 10 or 20 minutes to hours because of Duty Officer assignments. Still a kick in the teeth is the long grind, but at least it’s not 5 dilithium for an hour for the Duty things. I’ve gotten to the point where I do feel like just not really play. I’ve tried it, I’m fine with not playing. The problem would be the void I would need to fill in and that void is about a couple hours on and off through the day.

So now with my mandate to be more physically healthy, I’m starting to put in more into it every time I’m tempted to play and damn, my mind wants a lot of games. When I started to jump on board into switching off the games for push ups and sit ups, I have a lot more to do. I started with something like 12 push ups. Now at a good standing 21 push ups, my arms sting but at least it’s putting me off games. Therefore making my PC into a very overpowered workstation.

All this is for a reason though, more so as I’m getting a bit more involved with myself. I’m starting to really come out of this bad three to four year losing streak. My confidence is gaining (slowly), I’m starting to really put and effort in to make right decisions than folding up and picking the choice that everyone would want me to make. All I have to do is keep at a positive frame of mind and a heavy amount of exercise. Though I am forgetting to take my medication, I think I should keep at them recommended by my doctor. However I think behind his back, I’m going to ease out a bit and focus more onto heavy amounts of exercise and positive thinking.

However, I’m still dragging my feet for a few things. Such as planning my transitional phase. Okay let’s back up a sec so I can elaborate, ever since I could figure my way out of my mental situation; I created a few checkpoints I have to reach to really get where I want to be, which in this case “living better” is an umbrella for both my life and my mental constitution. From where I looked at it, I need to start going where I want to go rather than where people want me to go. First, I get out of my really down state of mind. That’s where the pills and therapy come in, to put me in a mindset to really push for the things I want to do and take me back to that point where I knew exactly my life would take me. Would get into detail however for you guys, I can’t really tell you but I can hint it will be a very physical path to take. So the mind is where I need to be before the next step, which was the physical. Taking my scrawny body and reshaping into the physique I had in high school. Meaning getting back into the running, sit ups and push ups I could do back when I was 16 if not more. This is where I am now, between that step and maintaining a lifestyle suitable for this and fitness in general. For one thing, I don’t want to be a pile of mush sitting at a computer and throw my life away using the Internet either for work or pleasure. I want to do something that is rewarding; I mean that in a non-monetary sense, but enough to actually keep doing it. Learn abilities the school system seems eager to really not teach (hating the helicopter parents) and just really experience life however I see fit. Final step is kind of a long awaiting hobby I wanted to pick up which is airsoft. Heard it’s a pretty invigorating sport, so with every step completed I would move on to picking up and trying it for myself.

For now, I just have to get off the games…