Fallen Plans

As the summer starts, I’m starting to think all the plans I’ve set a couple months are starting to fall through. Right now I’m sort of scrambling with finding something to keep myself occupied with for the next a few months. Unlike last year, I think the internet will benefit from this scrambling.

I was hoping I was going to work for the entire summer. I’ve been in contact with my employer and it seems they don’t know what to do with me or I got it easy (or difficult, depending how you look at it). Now a week into June, I’m making some expensive plans for my YouTube channel and perhaps my new camera. I had everything planned; I was going to end my Life is Strange playthrough and start a summer hiatus, then I would spend the remaining days before I was slated to work to take up a hobby and go to the gym a bit more. At the moment, it seems the hobby and gym might be the largest component in my entire life until I have something to do. I might even seek employment all summer; if there is an employer who will hire me in short notice.

Short term futures right now, I have purchased a new game on Steam. It was on sale called Call To Arms, it appears to be a modern warfare RTS game I might be recording . Along with recording a new game, I’m jumping back into Insurgency and Borderlands 2. For Borderlands 2, I purchased the Collector’s Edition so I have a few DLC packs I can record. Insurgency received an achievement and map update so I’ve decided to record a bunch of compilation of some of these achievements as well as maps I’ve may or may not have played in the past. That should cover a month or so of content online. As for personal content, I will have to really coerce myself to the gym and spend the soon-to-be sunny summer days outside snapping photos and hopefully get into a bit of trouble. I promise I won’t end up in jail or on the evening news, haha!

This is all I have for now for updates and progress. Hopefully I have something to show next week.

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Day 25 – Regrets

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From https://hugaslittlehouse.wordpress.com

I haven’t been keeping up with this blog challenge. Surprisingly, I have work recently and they’ve taken me into the late night. For the one day of the week I can sit down and wide awake, regrets has to be the topic.

I think awhile ago I had a few blog posts mentioning regrets. Main regrets revolves around my personal life, relationships and social life stuff. To be honest, I have days thinking about all my crushes from high school and where they are now. Some I know have done some incredible things in their lives, yet so petty pondering about if I ever had a chance to ask them out. During high school, there were a few girls I felt somewhat attracted. In the end, I shot myself down because I felt like an awkward outsider.

As I grew older, I did meet someone I spend a short while. Short being relative to the entirety of my existence. When I met her at the time, she was an amazing character which turned into a long distance relationship. In the end, I regret letting her go. To this day, I’m still unsure what happened; looking back I can’t help to think it was my fault, at the time and even now I just want a steady relationship.

On the professional and academic side of life, I have very few regrets. I regret having professional experience, lacking it has been detrimental in finding work at the moment. I wish I had some but as I’m growing up; employers ask more of me and yet handing it off to someone younger in inexperience. If that sentence doesn’t make sense, then I’ve done my job illustrating my struggle.

As a high school graduate, I must admit there are a lot of opportunities of employment but very few employers wanting to employ only on a high school education. From I’ve seen, those without other obligations will stay employed longer than those with obligations. Still troubles me to see people around my age trying to make ends meet while finding a higher education in order to make ends meet.

The pursuit for happiness as you can see for me is and always be just; a pursuit.

Day 16 – Education

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From https://hugaslittlehouse.wordpress.com

I have ranted on about education in the past. It’s been something I’m frustrated with when I’m job searching. A lot of employers I meet have the preference of wanting post-secondary students for menial labour. As I read their position’s duties, they do not require someone with such qualifications. As someone with nothing more than a high school diploma, I would think I would be more qualified than a post-secondary student.

As someone with little to no interest in post-secondary, I would consider myself more of an asset to employers since I would have little to no obligation to work. I can world over time and late nights unlike university students who may work over time but are less hesitant to do so because of classes the following day.

I feel young adults are not lazy or not work, but overworked and underpaid. With all the unpaid internships floating around, it’s the employer’s treasure to find free labour through promises of “work experience”. I’ve actually tried to get into some of these interships and most of the time the employers are asking their interns to flip the cost for certain things. I remember this interview where the employer told me about how I would get into events as a media outlet. Suffice to say, if I wanted to write a piece about a concert I will have to flip the bill myself. All for “work experience”, my advice is to ask lots of questions if they’re wanting to just provide you just “work experience”.

Some of you out there might refute this and tell me your job is fitting for your qualifications. Then you have figured out how to get into it. However living in a large city, you have a lot of folks entering post-secondary and come out with an expensive piece of paper with little to no way to justify the last 4-8 years. People go back in and get more degrees and diplomas while some settle for a trade. Perhaps the schooling is not wrong with education, but how education is applied in certain areas. There are sectors which may require a post-secondary qualification, however in positions like cashier and warehouse associate a diploma would make little sense. I’ve even seen sales associates and representatives requiring a bachelor’s  degree! The way I see it, there are employers out there expecting way too much from the the employee. Most of the time, employers are the one’s lazy. They don’t seem to want to train you on workplace equipment so they want a school to do it for them.

If you have it nice and set, I dare you to try and find a menial job with your big boy degree. You will not feel those 4 years would be worth anything. I don’t even have one and I would feel the exact same thing.

A Little Everyday

Recently I returned from working up north, things have been more or less back to normal with some small changes. I got back into recording videos on YouTube and writing here. However I dawned on my in a conversation with someone over Steam, I could be much different from the person I was about a month and a half ago.

As I talked to this guy, I spoke of doing good unto others and phrases which equate to righting the wrongs in the world. In a way, it’s seen in the way I play Interstellar Marines recently. Rather playing  as the guy who would run into a room with bots, I’m now reviving teammates and thinking more about my approach than gunning everything in co-op. I think somewhere I have became a bit more selfless and humble.

Like anyone who likes dining, people here partake in a customary tip. Usually a gesture of good will which amounts to 10% minimum of the goods and services rendered. Of course awhile back, I did tell you guys how I tip when it comes down to doing the deed; 10% minimum for good service and up to 20% if I enjoyed myself with excellent service. Though recently I’ve been tipping fairly well for food I would once put in 10%; I’m not giving out over 20% but I would ballpark it as 15% average tip in recent days. At the heart of the matter I feel it might have been all I’ve experienced in the past month. Hard work with very little to show for it and working a job some may revile while some revere. For me, the work I’ve dedicated myself into is more for me. Selfish as sounds, it has definitely taught me a few things about people and how they conduct themselves. It has pushed me to the limits of my personality and professionalism to show who I truly am and shockingly, I can be more than the gamer in his room writing about world.

Working my entire body into a sore mess has shown me a few things. Though I doubt it qualifies me as a counsellor of any kind, I think it’s worth sharing. Whoever and wherever you are, whatever you do; I want to know, there are people worse off than you. When I started working about 8 months ago, I knew parts of my job will suck a whole lot. Many peers I use to know, they couldn’t hash it because it wasn’t something they enjoyed. However for me, something stuck onto me that I can never take off. This job, this occupation of mine has taught me there are certain people who take the job for two either reason; the benefits or the experience. In the end, the ones in it for the experience seem to stick around longer. Indeed money talks, but the heart knows more than money can buy. So to those who take up minimum wage jobs in their mid-adulthood with family counting on them to put food on the table, I totally understand the struggle. To those who have an endowed salary, I ask of you to think of others.

Those who are getting paid well off and have everything, life isn’t about the accumulation of wealth but of the experiences you inherit. In mathematics, there are two infinities; countable and uncountable. Countable being the elements which you can quantify while uncountable infinity is the values between. Example of countable would be whole numbers from 1 onward. Uncountable are more like real numbers, 0.5762 for example; there are a lot of numbers between 0 and 1 alone. Much can be said about living and working. Many of work long shifts for very little and yet enjoy it while some work for the benefits and not necessarily enjoy their work. Some are them even worse off, they don’t like their job and it pays almost nothing; but they’re doing it anyways. Employment is much like uncountable infinity, there’s always something better but this is what you have counted for now. Anyone can have a long employment history; but the experiences you had are the uncountables, they decide the worth of the sum of your employment.

For many who have never seen the stars at their workplace, sat as the crickets chirped, seen sights so very few would only imagine in video games and dream; the longing to make it all worth it is in you. Even though you get paid a lot or none, it’s not about making money, life is not about making money but about what you do with it. Survival is engrained into us, get the resources we need for another day. When you have too much, we tend to hoard it. When we have very little, we try longer until we have it all. In the end, none of that matters. Money to me is part of the great answer I seek. I want my life to be known more than just a number, a countable number. I want it know for the moments I spent, all the uncountable moments. Moments that changed me and taught me rather than the value of all the moments on a pay check.

So until next time, let’s start counting our experiences together.

2007

I don’t know why but the obvious is true, it is 2015. The world is much different from 2008, all the emotions I’ve felt and experiences I’ve seen over the past year and a half reminds me of 2007.

Around 2007, I was still a teen in high school. my grades were terrible and my attitude was no better. I had hopes of a future and a direction I wanted to travel. The difference here and then is adulthood. I’m pretty sure I am not the only person who experience the cyclical nature of living. We fall in love, we become heart broken, cry a bit and repeat. The recent events in my life seem more or less what I have gone through almost a decade ago. Since then, I’ve fallen in love, found something I want to do and yet still underemployed. I’m even living in the same place in the same neighbourhood in the same city.

It could be a monotony getting to me but these are the patterns I have seen in myself. The only things that have changed are the minor successes that have brought me here. Of course beyond the blog, I rebooted my YouTube channel. Instead of playing day in and day out, I am on a schedule. Of course the schedule is set by my uploads. Still all I have set out for myself is a daily upload video upload schedule with a weekly blogging schedule. Though it’s a loose schedule, I think you would agree it’s a schedule no less.

Beyond the screen, I think I’ve made some minor successes to take me where I want to go and be. Recently I joined a gym close by and I’ve been going in for about an hour for a workout every couple days when the weather permits me from walking there. The toughest part was to really get over my shyness. I am still pretty shy around strangers but I think skirting around peak gym hours is a sound victory. I do have some employment much like 2007, it’s underemployment but it’s preferable than unemployment. Just beyond the horizon, I see myself living an active lifestyle. I’m more inclined to do things I like doing and I think that’s the advantage I have to take. Hopefully this is the right direction I need to take myself to a successful career path; also where I want my life to be, healthy and balanced.

I lived under the rule of others, what I can and cannot do. All it did was bring me back here in my mid-20’s. I think the most important point to take from this revelation is your life is yours to live and the limits other set are yours to break. No matter how you choose to break those limits, you will sooner or later would have to break out of those limits.

Until next time, break out of the cycle.

Working Hard or Hardly Working

With a bit of employment coming my way, it’s making me starting to think if I am actually working or I’m working too hard. With ages of unemployment, this underemployment is making me re-evaluate a lot of things about how I view a job and work.

When I was young and recently, I never really seen money to be an issue. Living in the shadow of family, you grow up learning the kind of work you want for yourself. As a kid or a teen, you decide the kind of jobs you want to take on. You want to make money, enjoy work or have a light workload. Whatever the ideas you have in your head, they still mean something. Even if you find yourself in a lifeless position making minimum, there is some good to come from this. If can stick it out, you can tolerate more than you  with yourself and others. The harder you push yourself at something you did not want, you can push yourself to achieve something bigger. Know the bigger the problem will never yield the biggest reward, it’s a matter of definition of what you think is a “reward”.

To many and myself, money is a motivator. It keeps the lights on, your feet warm and a meal in front of you. You need it to pretty much to survive on this planet until everything collapses and we go back to hunting and gathering. You should be proactive in securing every possibility to earn everything you can. Whether it is making money from the government or picking up more work at your workplace, do what you can to make money. You are young and in these times, desperation is something everyone has and will use to get ahead. Everyone in one way or another will take advantage of you not matter how cunning you are, in the end you never wanted to play this game but you have to; therefore play it the way you want it. Regardless of how many jobs you get, you will sooner or later feel the moment where you know you are overworked and underpaid.

I’ve seen what money can do to someone. It can hurt them so much for someone well devoted into material wealth. How much would invest in making the money today to later be a pay obsolete? Would you spend 2 weeks on a job? 1 year? What if I told you if you include post secondary, you spent a minimum decade of your life for the small stipend? Sorry to put you off working or demanding your employer for more, but let me finish. Even with working hard to the best  of your ability, just step back and enjoy life. Beyond making money, know how to spend it on yourself.  Definitely learn more than just the skills to pay bills. Life is a spectrum and finances is a large shade in the rainbow.

Even I don’t have a lot of experience or have a job to sort me out. By now, the people I know have been working hard to only be complaining their work. Some are fairly well off but the majority are struggling, I’m one of them. At my age, I’m still not sure if I worked too much or not enough.

Happier

The last week picked up fairly quick with better horizons ahead of me. I have been both very active and very tired, I’ve learned I’m a bit of a workaholic; the one thing I never thought I would become. 

Starting off, I’m reaching close to being straight broke. I’m slowly reaching out for welfare to keep myself afloat. My financial situation is a good smack to the face to job hunting. Even though I have been meticulously scouring all the resources available to me, I still think I’m still far away from where I want to be. The hardest I find about this is I don’t have enough to really keep going indefinitely. In my home grown pride, I don’t feel comfortable on handouts for food and funds but I think I might have to take advantage to what I can provide myself.

Just recently, I finally got a bit of employment and even with that, it’s not going to cover everything to keep me going. It’s not enough to help me move out and not enough to live on my own even with assistance from welfare. This is the irony of being born and raised in the city; I want to live here but at the same time the city seems like it doesn’t want me around. With all these “opportunities” you read about in the newspaper or from people who are living their lives and looking at you. Reality is never black and white and never the shades in between. At least a bit of employment than no employment at all; when you’re hungry and wanting more to your life, does it matter if you’re overworked and underpaid? On a positive note since I got a position working in the food industry, I get to learn more about making food and handling money; which is good especially when it comes to customer service positions in this city.

With more to do with my life, the less I feel I have to worry and the more I can feel productive. I feel really rejuvenated yet relaxed. It’s been too long since I felt a sense of purpose and the need to move quick. In the coming weeks, I hope my schedule will be packed with work. My aim is a 10am to 6 pm work schedule during the weekdays and be on call during the weekends. At the moment like a quest, my “on call” optional is done; just have to complete the main tasks to finish the quest.