Fallen Plans

As the summer starts, I’m starting to think all the plans I’ve set a couple months are starting to fall through. Right now I’m sort of scrambling with finding something to keep myself occupied with for the next a few months. Unlike last year, I think the internet will benefit from this scrambling.

I was hoping I was going to work for the entire summer. I’ve been in contact with my employer and it seems they don’t know what to do with me or I got it easy (or difficult, depending how you look at it). Now a week into June, I’m making some expensive plans for my YouTube channel and perhaps my new camera. I had everything planned; I was going to end my Life is Strange playthrough and start a summer hiatus, then I would spend the remaining days before I was slated to work to take up a hobby and go to the gym a bit more. At the moment, it seems the hobby and gym might be the largest component in my entire life until I have something to do. I might even seek employment all summer; if there is an employer who will hire me in short notice.

Short term futures right now, I have purchased a new game on Steam. It was on sale called Call To Arms, it appears to be a modern warfare RTS game I might be recording . Along with recording a new game, I’m jumping back into Insurgency and Borderlands 2. For Borderlands 2, I purchased the Collector’s Edition so I have a few DLC packs I can record. Insurgency received an achievement and map update so I’ve decided to record a bunch of compilation of some of these achievements as well as maps I’ve may or may not have played in the past. That should cover a month or so of content online. As for personal content, I will have to really coerce myself to the gym and spend the soon-to-be sunny summer days outside snapping photos and hopefully get into a bit of trouble. I promise I won’t end up in jail or on the evening news, haha!

This is all I have for now for updates and progress. Hopefully I have something to show next week.

Day 25 – Regrets

30-day-blogging-challenge1 — From https://hugaslittlehouse.wordpress.com

I haven’t been keeping up with this blog challenge. Surprisingly, I have work recently and they’ve taken me into the late night. For the one day of the week I can sit down and wide awake, regrets has to be the topic.

I think awhile ago I had a few blog posts mentioning regrets. Main regrets revolves around my personal life, relationships and social life stuff. To be honest, I have days thinking about all my crushes from high school and where they are now. Some I know have done some incredible things in their lives, yet so petty pondering about if I ever had a chance to ask them out. During high school, there were a few girls I felt somewhat attracted. In the end, I shot myself down because I felt like an awkward outsider.

As I grew older, I did meet someone I spend a short while. Short being relative to the entirety of my existence. When I met her at the time, she was an amazing character which turned into a long distance relationship. In the end, I regret letting her go. To this day, I’m still unsure what happened; looking back I can’t help to think it was my fault, at the time and even now I just want a steady relationship.

On the professional and academic side of life, I have very few regrets. I regret having professional experience, lacking it has been detrimental in finding work at the moment. I wish I had some but as I’m growing up; employers ask more of me and yet handing it off to someone younger in inexperience. If that sentence doesn’t make sense, then I’ve done my job illustrating my struggle.

As a high school graduate, I must admit there are a lot of opportunities of employment but very few employers wanting to employ only on a high school education. From I’ve seen, those without other obligations will stay employed longer than those with obligations. Still troubles me to see people around my age trying to make ends meet while finding a higher education in order to make ends meet.

The pursuit for happiness as you can see for me is and always be just; a pursuit.

Day 16 – Education

I have ranted on about education in the past. It’s been something I’m frustrated with when I’m job searching. A lot of employers I meet have the preference of wanting post-secondary students for menial labour. As I read their position’s duties, they do not require someone with such qualifications. As someone with nothing more than a high school diploma, I would think I would be more qualified than a post-secondary student.

As someone with little to no interest in post-secondary, I would consider myself more of an asset to employers since I would have little to no obligation to work. I can world over time and late nights unlike university students who may work over time but are less hesitant to do so because of classes the following day.

I feel young adults are not lazy or not work, but overworked and underpaid. With all the unpaid internships floating around, it’s the employer’s treasure to find free labour through promises of “work experience”. I’ve actually tried to get into some of these interships and most of the time the employers are asking their interns to flip the cost for certain things. I remember this interview where the employer told me about how I would get into events as a media outlet. Suffice to say, if I wanted to write a piece about a concert I will have to flip the bill myself. All for “work experience”, my advice is to ask lots of questions if they’re wanting to just provide you just “work experience”.

Some of you out there might refute this and tell me your job is fitting for your qualifications. Then you have figured out how to get into it. However living in a large city, you have a lot of folks entering post-secondary and come out with an expensive piece of paper with little to no way to justify the last 4-8 years. People go back in and get more degrees and diplomas while some settle for a trade. Perhaps the schooling is not wrong with education, but how education is applied in certain areas. There are sectors which may require a post-secondary qualification, however in positions like cashier and warehouse associate a diploma would make little sense. I’ve even seen sales associates and representatives requiring a bachelor’s degree! The way I see it, there are employers out there expecting way too much from the the employee. Most of the time, employers are the one’s lazy. They don’t seem to want to train you on workplace equipment so they want a school to do it for them.

If you have it nice and set, I dare you to try and find a menial job with your big boy degree. You will not feel those 4 years would be worth anything. I don’t even have one and I would feel the exact same thing.

A Little Everyday

Recently I returned from working up north, things have been more or less back to normal with some small changes. I got back into recording videos on YouTube and writing here. However I dawned on my in a conversation with someone over Steam, I could be much different from the person I was about a month and a half ago.

As I talked to this guy, I spoke of doing good unto others and phrases which equate to righting the wrongs in the world. In a way, it’s seen in the way I play Interstellar Marines recently. Rather playing as the guy who would run into a room with bots, I’m now reviving teammates and thinking more about my approach than gunning everything in co-op. I think somewhere I have became a bit more selfless and humble.

Like anyone who likes dining, people here partake in a customary tip. Usually a gesture of good will which amounts to 10% minimum of the goods and services rendered. Of course awhile back, I did tell you guys how I tip when it comes down to doing the deed; 10% minimum for good service and up to 20% if I enjoyed myself with excellent service. Though recently I’ve been tipping fairly well for food I would once put in 10%; I’m not giving out over 20% but I would ballpark it as 15% average tip in recent days. At the heart of the matter I feel it might have been all I’ve experienced in the past month. Hard work with very little to show for it and working a job some may revile while some revere. For me, the work I’ve dedicated myself into is more for me. Selfish as sounds, it has definitely taught me a few things about people and how they conduct themselves. It has pushed me to the limits of my personality and professionalism to show who I truly am and shockingly, I can be more than the gamer in his room writing about world.

Working my entire body into a sore mess has shown me a few things. Though I doubt it qualifies me as a counsellor of any kind, I think it’s worth sharing. Whoever and wherever you are, whatever you do; I want to know, there are people worse off than you. When I started working about 8 months ago, I knew parts of my job will suck a whole lot. Many peers I use to know, they couldn’t hash it because it wasn’t something they enjoyed. However for me, something stuck onto me that I can never take off. This job, this occupation of mine has taught me there are certain people who take the job for two either reason; the benefits or the experience. In the end, the ones in it for the experience seem to stick around longer. Indeed money talks, but the heart knows more than money can buy. So to those who take up minimum wage jobs in their mid-adulthood with family counting on them to put food on the table, I totally understand the struggle. To those who have an endowed salary, I ask of you to think of others.

Those who are getting paid well off and have everything, life isn’t about the accumulation of wealth but of the experiences you inherit. In mathematics, there are two infinities; countable and uncountable. Countable being the elements which you can quantify while uncountable infinity is the values between. Example of countable would be whole numbers from 1 onward. Uncountable are more like real numbers, 0.5762 for example; there are a lot of numbers between 0 and 1 alone. Much can be said about living and working. Many of work long shifts for very little and yet enjoy it while some work for the benefits and not necessarily enjoy their work. Some are them even worse off, they don’t like their job and it pays almost nothing; but they’re doing it anyways. Employment is much like uncountable infinity, there’s always something better but this is what you have counted for now. Anyone can have a long employment history; but the experiences you had are the uncountables, they decide the worth of the sum of your employment.

For many who have never seen the stars at their workplace, sat as the crickets chirped, seen sights so very few would only imagine in video games and dream; the longing to make it all worth it is in you. Even though you get paid a lot or none, it’s not about making money, life is not about making money but about what you do with it. Survival is engrained into us, get the resources we need for another day. When you have too much, we tend to hoard it. When we have very little, we try longer until we have it all. In the end, none of that matters. Money to me is part of the great answer I seek. I want my life to be known more than just a number, a countable number. I want it know for the moments I spent, all the uncountable moments. Moments that changed me and taught me rather than the value of all the moments on a pay check.

So until next time, let’s start counting our experiences together.

2007

I don’t know why but the obvious is true, it is 2015. The world is much different from 2008, all the emotions I’ve felt and experiences I’ve seen over the past year and a half reminds me of 2007.

Around 2007, I was still a teen in high school. my grades were terrible and my attitude was no better. I had hopes of a future and a direction I wanted to travel. The difference here and then is adulthood. I’m pretty sure I am not the only person who experience the cyclical nature of living. We fall in love, we become heart broken, cry a bit and repeat. The recent events in my life seem more or less what I have gone through almost a decade ago. Since then, I’ve fallen in love, found something I want to do and yet still underemployed. I’m even living in the same place in the same neighbourhood in the same city.

It could be a monotony getting to me but these are the patterns I have seen in myself. The only things that have changed are the minor successes that have brought me here. Of course beyond the blog, I rebooted my YouTube channel. Instead of playing day in and day out, I am on a schedule. Of course the schedule is set by my uploads. Still all I have set out for myself is a daily upload video upload schedule with a weekly blogging schedule. Though it’s a loose schedule, I think you would agree it’s a schedule no less.

Beyond the screen, I think I’ve made some minor successes to take me where I want to go and be. Recently I joined a gym close by and I’ve been going in for about an hour for a workout every couple days when the weather permits me from walking there. The toughest part was to really get over my shyness. I am still pretty shy around strangers but I think skirting around peak gym hours is a sound victory. I do have some employment much like 2007, it’s underemployment but it’s preferable than unemployment. Just beyond the horizon, I see myself living an active lifestyle. I’m more inclined to do things I like doing and I think that’s the advantage I have to take. Hopefully this is the right direction I need to take myself to a successful career path; also where I want my life to be, healthy and balanced.

I lived under the rule of others, what I can and cannot do. All it did was bring me back here in my mid-20’s. I think the most important point to take from this revelation is your life is yours to live and the limits other set are yours to break. No matter how you choose to break those limits, you will sooner or later would have to break out of those limits.

Until next time, break out of the cycle.

Working Hard or Hardly Working

With a bit of employment coming my way, it’s making me starting to think if I am actually working or I’m working too hard. With ages of unemployment, this underemployment is making me re-evaluate a lot of things about how I view a job and work.

When I was young and recently, I never really seen money to be an issue. Living in the shadow of family, you grow up learning the kind of work you want for yourself. As a kid or a teen, you decide the kind of jobs you want to take on. You want to make money, enjoy work or have a light workload. Whatever the ideas you have in your head, they still mean something. Even if you find yourself in a lifeless position making minimum, there is some good to come from this. If can stick it out, you can tolerate more than you with yourself and others. The harder you push yourself at something you did not want, you can push yourself to achieve something bigger. Know the bigger the problem will never yield the biggest reward, it’s a matter of definition of what you think is a “reward”.

To many and myself, money is a motivator. It keeps the lights on, your feet warm and a meal in front of you. You need it to pretty much to survive on this planet until everything collapses and we go back to hunting and gathering. You should be proactive in securing every possibility to earn everything you can. Whether it is making money from the government or picking up more work at your workplace, do what you can to make money. You are young and in these times, desperation is something everyone has and will use to get ahead. Everyone in one way or another will take advantage of you not matter how cunning you are, in the end you never wanted to play this game but you have to; therefore play it the way you want it. Regardless of how many jobs you get, you will sooner or later feel the moment where you know you are overworked and underpaid.

I’ve seen what money can do to someone. It can hurt them so much for someone well devoted into material wealth. How much would invest in making the money today to later be a pay obsolete? Would you spend 2 weeks on a job? 1 year? What if I told you if you include post secondary, you spent a minimum decade of your life for the small stipend? Sorry to put you off working or demanding your employer for more, but let me finish. Even with working hard to the best of your ability, just step back and enjoy life. Beyond making money, know how to spend it on yourself. Definitely learn more than just the skills to pay bills. Life is a spectrum and finances is a large shade in the rainbow.

Even I don’t have a lot of experience or have a job to sort me out. By now, the people I know have been working hard to only be complaining their work. Some are fairly well off but the majority are struggling, I’m one of them. At my age, I’m still not sure if I worked too much or not enough.

Happier

The last week picked up fairly quick with better horizons ahead of me. I have been both very active and very tired, I’ve learned I’m a bit of a workaholic; the one thing I never thought I would become.

Starting off, I’m reaching close to being straight broke. I’m slowly reaching out for welfare to keep myself afloat. My financial situation is a good smack to the face to job hunting. Even though I have been meticulously scouring all the resources available to me, I still think I’m still far away from where I want to be. The hardest I find about this is I don’t have enough to really keep going indefinitely. In my home grown pride, I don’t feel comfortable on handouts for food and funds but I think I might have to take advantage to what I can provide myself.

Just recently, I finally got a bit of employment and even with that, it’s not going to cover everything to keep me going. It’s not enough to help me move out and not enough to live on my own even with assistance from welfare. This is the irony of being born and raised in the city; I want to live here but at the same time the city seems like it doesn’t want me around. With all these “opportunities” you read about in the newspaper or from people who are living their lives and looking at you. Reality is never black and white and never the shades in between. At least a bit of employment than no employment at all; when you’re hungry and wanting more to your life, does it matter if you’re overworked and underpaid? On a positive note since I got a position working in the food industry, I get to learn more about making food and handling money; which is good especially when it comes to customer service positions in this city.

With more to do with my life, the less I feel I have to worry and the more I can feel productive. I feel really rejuvenated yet relaxed. It’s been too long since I felt a sense of purpose and the need to move quick. In the coming weeks, I hope my schedule will be packed with work. My aim is a 10am to 6 pm work schedule during the weekdays and be on call during the weekends. At the moment like a quest, my “on call” optional is done; just have to complete the main tasks to finish the quest.

Just one of those days…

Sometimes when I look like I’m not doing much, I am in really deep and interesting thought. Usually in my head, I’m thinking of some really interesting ideas; more often, the random comment or statement you don’t want to verbally hear. But is it just me or do I get a lot of thinking done when there is a stimulating environment? I don’t mean “inside a lecture hall during a very long discussion of the universe” stimulating, but I’m referring to the Starbucks, the one loud library, or (in my case as I’m writing this) the McDonalds. Usually nothing really interesting comes up to mind, mostly just stuff about seeking employment or places I can only dream of working. But here’s an idea for you folks to consider.

For those readers who have stuck around, you know I like to drop ideas on how we can change society in big way. Like underground cities and rethinking capitalism in dramatic ways, I think this one takes the cake. Whether you are in the US or in Canada (or any other country like us, I ain’t judging), you probably own a SIN or a Social Insurance Number. Its purpose is to grant you the opportunity to work and receive government benefits. Considering this put you on a system, why not make it reward for people who own their SIN? Of course you get societal benefits like welfare and work, but I’m talking about day-to-day. Sure money has been around since we phased out the whole “trade you wood for sheep” back in the day. Why not make it more fair and simple in terms of not necessarily paying taxes up front and paying for things of equal value based on the gain of wealth. My idea is simply tying the SIN system with a credit system. In lieu of cash or debit, this card would represent you as a consuming individual. The card takes your income and stores it much like a debit or credit card would; but rather than just putting money in, you can pay thing as a percentage to your income. Doesn’t sound advantageous but it allows for equal gain based on what you own in liquid assets. So lets say you want buy a cheeseburger for lets say $1, under the current system, you simply fork over $1 and the state tax of x percent. In this make believe all-in-my-head system, you pay a percentage of your income. So in stead of prices being listed in dollars, they’re listed in percentages. Then when you pay, you pay that percentage of your income for goods and services. So to one guy, a car can be $50, 000 while to another, it can be $20, 000. Yay or nay on this idea? I might be missing something to this but that’s the mindset I have. Mindset: random and “what did I just read?”

Being on and off employed this year, made me realize a few things. First being this city sucks for employment unless you have been working for the past 10 years and have a university education. Second point is the wage is way to low and there are people who are literally working themselves to death. Quite lastly, a high school education doesn’t carry a lot of weight anymore; nor does experience since each job is way specialized. Who knew being a security guard requires specialization? Who knew being a game tester requires knowledge in computer programming and software development? Who knew waste disposal requires engineering? Okay, I’m not quite sure about the last one but it’s that ridiculous. My advice to people reading this in a small town, get a job and settle in the small town. Two reasons, more money and more opportunities. So my action plan towards a stable and comfortable job is likely going to be trying to squeeze myself into jobs I can do but also be ambitious on jobs I have some experience. Sure, I’m a certifiable clerk; give me data and a method of input and I would do it for probably a negotiable wage. Just anything right now to get my life a kick start. Maybe later on, try my hand at YouTube; only time will tell.

Or I can risk what I have on playing Monopoly at McDonalds. It’s just one of those days, slow and pedantic. Until next time, have some cake!

Well, here we go again…

After a month of putting up with my laptop malfunctioning, I finally tried to fix it. At first it wasn’t serious, it would not shutdown properly on occasion; it either hangs or freezes. Then recently it was failing to wake after it went to sleep. Either solution was to hold down the power button, which in my mind isn’t proper procedure when shutting down a computer. Considering my laptop had an almost clean slate, wiping the hard drive again to reinstall windows wasn’t a tough choice. Rather than using the CD I used before, I chose to use the one I used when I first installed Windows 7 on my desktop.

Rather than keeping the system up to date, I’m going to keep the operating system from updating and look into every update. I rather know if I should use Windows Update for a certain update than letting every update running the risk of messing up the system again. Probably not all blame should be placed on the OS, I did have some drivers and utilities which may have conflicted with certain files. As I said before, I didn’t have any personal files so starting over was a breeze. With a stable Internet connection, I downloaded all the programs I need; CCleaner, Avast Antivirus and so on. I’ve tried shutting down and putting it to sleep; it works fine now.

I recently finished Assassin’s Creed III by blazing through the single player. It’s definitely a tougher game than the Renaissance storyline. I believe I’ve did it within 20 or 30 hours in a span of 3 days. It’s something to celebrate considering I hardly play story driven games. So I thought, why not mix Coke and vodka? I still have a third of a bottle so I mixed two shots into a can. As anyone who has drank alcohol, I don’t have a tolerance for it. Tolerance I mean in terms of the taste and consumption, I have very little of both. Also I’ve gained enough Zen points in Star Trek Online that I can begin building a Vesta from the Vesta pack. I haven’t purchased it but at the moment, I’m gathering all the necessary items so I can slot them. With the surplus gear I have in my bank, I will have to push myself into buying or hunting for engineering consoles that improve auxiliary power since the Vesta comes equipped with a cannon powered by auxiliary and I usually focus on keeping either shields or weapons powered up. Since I still haven’t made the purchase, I could buy the Kumari escort pack but I already have an escort.

While on the STO currency problems, the dilithium market is rebounding after a low of an average of 90 dilithium for over a month in the winter. For the past few weeks, refined dilithium exchange rate has steadily increased. So at 122 dilithium from my last log in yesterday, I’ve decided to continually stockpile the dilithium when I can and probably spend it on the dilithium store. Since the Kumari was added, they began adding more items to the game within this obscure store. For one thing, they’ve added a very rare Tholian hangar pet which is much more effectie than the Widow fighters you can get from redeeming the Recluse carrier. Just another way Perfect World Entertainment saying “I love you…r money.” If anything, I will buy two hangar pets and it will be the rare times I bought something in the dilithium store. Though I’m unsure what I should get, well I have a surplus of refined dilithium so I could but I would still prefer converting to Zen (hopefully soon since I doubt any one would want to trade at that price).

Coming to full circle, I’m taking the Sunday easy. Than just sitting here and finding a job, I’m heading out there in the city and hopefully find something. Maybe also get out and enjoy the sunshine. So until next time, have an amazing weekend.

Up goes the rollercoaster…

I’m on a really nice winning streak the last few weeks that I’m ecstatic that there are signs for good things to come. Right now, I might be employed within 6 months; maybe more depending on the paperwork that has to be done. I’m working on starting that airsoft hobby I’ve been thinking about since I was like 17 or 18, Also, I’m going to have an anniversary for something.

More largely, I’m rooting for the job and the hobby because it’s a 3 year wait and I’m now pretty excited about it. So I’m starting to rev up my dietary requirements so I can exercise my butt off from now until I’m in and ready to play. Bother require exercise so I’m going to be working double for both. Also I’m kind of stepping out of my comfort zone on airsoft.

It’s more of an unusual hobby from what I normally would call hobbies so I’m pretty excited about getting into it. I’m trying to educate myself as much as possible so I can make informed decisions about what I can to buy in terms of equipment. Though I would like wise advice on it especially any players in and around Toronto. Just reading over all this stuff makes me want to play a bit more and along with my job, it’s going to be more of a training aid as well. When all goes well, I’m going to be stuck in the best rut I’ve ever had in my entire life.

I read a recent message from my old employer on this hiring freeze and I’m pretty stoked that I might have a slot sometime in the near future. I just have to push forward, grab it by the throat and demand for 100% adrenaline of awesomeness. Maybe I’ll puke, maybe not…that’s my body’s decision to make.

Time to start the day with some reading and an armful of push-ups. So if you guys have any advice on airsoft, tips, tricks or locations to play; feel free to leave a comment. Peace out folks!