Pornography/Nude Photography?

I admit, I do look at nude photography on occasion. At the same time, I do look at porn like most of everyone else. As a person who appreciate great photography, I recently came across a photo on 500px with comments condoning the image as pornographic.

How can one image be lewd to another? In short, context (Blog post done, see ya next time!)

So what is this offending image? In words: a vagina. Too broad?

Okay in layman’s term, it’s a close up picture of a vagina with fingers which look like someone is masturbating.

As a bit of a shutterbug, I see it quite deeper. On the surface, it’s a woman masturbating and a close up of her vagina. But I also see the composition, the colours, the other elements which make the photo. At the same time, I see the same elements in other photos of men and women nude in other photos. I’ve seen photos of men posed with their penis and women with breasts out. And yes in these photos have subtle or exaggerated creative elements. The contrast of lighting, the use of space, the colour to attract the eye, leading lines and use natural and artificial shapes. Am I looking way too deep into the photo? Probably. Am I a pervert? Probably.

Yet in this lone photo that has triggered me to write this post, 3 people commented on this photo are crying out and I paraphrase.

“Very lewd, highly pornographic. Unsuitable for this site.”

“This isn’t what this website is about. No substance or meaning.”

“Disgusting.”

To me, these are also the thoughts in my mind when I see nudes. At the same time, I do see the value in the photo. Perhaps I have an open and expansive mind. I guess it’s why I hold my tongue to comment publicly on nude photography. Some see it as perversion while others see the artist capturing beauty in their own way.

Though I wouldn’t say all porn is artistic, I wouldn’t say all art is pornographic. It’s how you see it in your own mindset and in that sense, it’s not the artist that’s perverted.

It’s you.

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End of 2018

It’s getting close to the end of this year. As I’m writing this, I have hardly slept and spent a few nights laying in bed wondering and thinking to myself. I have slowed down in writing my thoughts in my blog in this latter half because I haven’t been too well since my doctor passed away. I am still hoping I will get the help I need before it’s too late. I just have to practice and find a balance to everything which I hope can help me away from my malaise.

I haven’t picked up my camera in the past month. Starting to feel bad about it since I haven’t taken a lot of photos. Looking through it’s viewfinder, I miss how it feels and the joy it use to make me feel. Perhaps around Christmas or after Boxing Day I’ll take up photography again. The most difficult part right now is keeping up with work.

Getting a seasonal gig with my former employer is great, despite all the pain I went through last year. I hope eventually it will turn into a part time job considering the first time I felt fairly qualified to work more than a sales associate, assistant manager perhaps? Regardless I’m glad and I get to see all the people I’ve met before, though I have forgotten most of their names.

As what I hope to be the second last post of the year I guess I should try and make a list of all I have accomplished this year. As per my doctor’s last recommendation, I’m starting to look into a lot of cognitive therapy to cope. So…accomplishments:

  • Went to Niagara Falls for the first time In January it’s still beautiful despite the cold, icy, wet weather. I wish I spent more time.
  • Surpassed 300 photos on 500px. Also surpassed 10, 000 shots on my first DSLR camera.
  • Bought a new laptop. For now I have two but eventually I will have one once I feel comfortable enough to part this old thing I found in the trash. You have served me well.
  • New toys! Bought two used lenses, one (almost) brand new lens, and a used camera body. Overall I paid market price after having them professionally cleaned.
  • More recent, started to look into sleep meditation and actively managing my depression. The ADHD behaviors I can accept but the feeling sad stuff needs a lot of attention.
  • Enjoyed a long lost hobby, reading! I’m nowhere near attentive for novels but I’ll accept a good narrative after playing Life is Strange and Life is Strange: Before the Storm. Which reminds me, I should preorder the comic book.
  • Finished Fallout 4. Now I can move on to other games. Hopefully that gaming list shrinks quickly.
  • Paramore!! Second time I saw them live. Still great but I connected more with their previous album.
  • Getting on the dating scene? A bit embarrassing but I can own up to it. Been on way more dates than the last 4 years combined. No winners…yet.
  • A year without Star Trek Online. I haven’t logged in for so long. I think I can finally move on since the Kelvin timeline and Discovery kind of gave me a sour taste for it.
  • Nuit Blanche art event. Spent the entire night checking out all the arts and culture. Last year was way too political. Still very crowded if not worse.
  • Bought CD’s. An old medium but once I get a portable disc player, I’m going to have fun.
  • I got Instagram to share some photos.
  • I got business cards, I wish I could add my Instagram on them. They came first.

Still more to come in the last few weeks. My plans are to buy the SNES Classic and maybe the NES. I’m thinking of another Niagara trip either Niagara-On-The-Lake or somewhere small. I still want to snap photos and hopefully punch through to 400 on 500px. Lastly…

…I want to write my final post for the year. Stay tuned!

New Writing Project (Also Online Dating, Eh?)

I think I’m going to try and write a new series of posts. I’m not sure how long it  will last but I have a good idea. Before the internet, people would write love letters and have pen pals to write back and forth. So I think I’m going to put them both together and write some love letters. Unfortunately I don’t have them address to anyone but I guess I’ll leave it to you guys and gals to read and take it as you wish. Perhaps it is time to reveal the inner workings of my personality through intimate notes. Will you be able to handle it?

I guess this is coming to a head since the past half decade has been abysmal for my social life. I’ve met people for sure but I never found someone I could really date. To that end I tried a bit of online dating, still nothing turned up to be substantial. I think it’s the age I am and the people who use dating websites. With accessibility to apps that pander style over substance, it’s tough to find someone. For the past fours years I’ve actually kept an active dating profile on Plenty Of Fish. I’ve gotten a few messages for sure but either I wasn’t right or they have lost interest in me. In a way, this is me disclosing a personal part of me so it doesn’t consume me as it did before. I rarely updated my profile but this week, I changed it from upbeat to very honest. As I wrote it a realized it’s blogging material, it maybe a bit too personal on the internet. However I do this it’s best to leave it out in the open and leave it as a way of saying “Hi, this is me. Sorry I’m not what you expected.” With that I think I should leave what I left behind.

The best to to really tell you what I want is to lay out everything to you, anonymous women of the internet. So here’s the uncut uncensored things you should know about me after you are done reading and you still find me a worthwhile pursuit, then please message me.

I do best to be stick to my own personal ethics; courage, honesty, and love. I chose these because I think they outline my personality. Honesty because I like to be truthful, I do sometimes lie but I’m never good at it. Whether it’s my skewed knowledge of the world to say it or out of curious intent, I’ll say it. Much of it is reinforced by how my life kind of turned out to me; more below. Courage because I am willing to do what is right even when everyone says it’s wrong. I put everyone else before myself, probably because I’m still discovering part of myself. I have been know to disregard my own health to help others because sometimes I feel I don’t control myself as I should like others, that shouldn’t be seen as courage but it would look that way. Lastly love since it’s fitting to everything I do and to why I’m on (and still on) PoF. I do what to do to express my joy and care to my work or to the people I know. Though I know you, doesn’t mean I love you. The way we personally respect each other really determines the devotion I would put into someone. There is no formula or equation, I rely on my instinct and past experiences tell me if I want to do something out of love.

As I’m writing this I feel hesitant to mention but I feel it’s important. I don’t want any sympathy, I just want an open ear and hopefully someone open heart and understand it all. Growing up as a kid, I lived under the middle class. My family had a home but were just making ends meet. In school, I was bullied a lot which seems to be a demographic consensus about the 90’s. I got picked on for not having all the pop culture goodies like a Game Boy, cable TV or Pokemon cards. Also I was made fun because I was slow, fat and gay. Two of those were true, I was slow and fat. I think everyone was a bit homophobic for the time. At home, I would describe living as stale. I would always walk home at school and never had the chance to go play. I would be at home doing homework and watch TV. I was never exposed to pop culture; only things I knew was Cops, The Simpsons, The X-Files and the news. Most of my childhood was stuck indoors with homework or TV or being beaten by my dad. It’s only later in my life near high school I finally got my first Game Boy and got to see more of the world through the Internet. I never had a single friend because I didn’t go out and play which I guess led me to be a bit shy and reserved in adulthood. In high school, everything just felt like my social life was set in stone. I would go to school, learn, go home, learn, sit on front of a screen and vegetate. I did have crushes throughout which helped me figure out what I was into. Without the skills to be social, I kind of smiled and kept my head down. At least by the time I hit my mid-teens, I was actually finding my music. Most of the bands I listened to then are the same now, they’re really what makes me feel a bit whole. Coming up on present day, I did have a couple relationships; both were long distance but the one I actually met her in person. Don’t ask me how a unsocial person like me manage to find them, I’m surprised but appreciative that they got to be part of my life for a brief moment. Due to working my butt off to be under average while I was young, I experienced very little as a teen and a child. I’ve been kind of taking take those years from my parents who beat and overfed me. I’ve been kind of enjoying going to toy stores, listening to music, flipping through picture books. I never went to prom, I never had sex, I never became the true romantic I realized I was when I found out I was attracted to Caucasian girls in high school. I still know I have to be an adult, but a part of me just want to at least hold onto something meaningful. Coming up to my 30’s and I have yet experienced what I truly want. I want to be loved. I want to walk down sandy beaches, watch sunsets, sit on the couch and cuddle with a bowl of popcorn and a show. I want to hold someone close to me and feel time stop as my heart races before the kiss. I want to find the one woman who is much into me as I’m into her. I don’t want multiples, just the one. It’s might be difficult but I’ve poured it all out to you.

I never get what I want but can’t hurt to put down the qualities I like for my partner whether you fit as a whole or in parts. I don’t care, you’re amazing and one day you will see how much I appreciate you for being you. Your appearance I would describe as fair skin with red, blue, green, purple, blonde, brown hair and inviting eyes. Height I like no taller than mine though Taylor Swift is gorgeous above 6′.I would prefer someone who I can carry but based off my last relationships, I do prefer curvy women as well. Physicality is only a small portion though. I like someone who I feel comfortable talking to even if we don’t agree. Someone who can tolerate my faults physically and otherwise. Affection is a must since I like holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. An undaunting upbeat attitude since I do feel down sometimes, I try and force myself to be happy but it’s kind of a challenge with ADHD and depression. Someone who likes to text and be texted, I do like picking up my phone and see nice messages from you. Whether it’s a question or random thought you want to share, I like to read it. I would probably do the same in return.

I should let you know I’m not interested in one night stands, smoking weed, doing illicit drugs.

No matter when you will find me and where we will meet, know I’m thinking of you. You, the one who will find me no matter what state I’m in. I’m waiting or looking for you too.

 

Keeping It Together

The last couple weeks have been a bit rough. I haven’t been able to be in a peachy mood for awhile and I’m starting to feel the mood that can only be described as “The Infinite Sadness”.

Being away from home has taken a toll on me since I’ve done nothing but become a workoholic. Spending everyday tiring myself out and repeating; however the work varies but it’s the same principle, work then sleep. With that, I’ve missed a few meals here and there. I’ve been down this road before and it’s kind of how I noticed I’m not doing too good, the lack of food and the need to drink. While we’re on the subject of drinking, I do drink alcohol. I’m an adult, I know when to stop. Recently I’ve been spiralling into madness with it, I’ve been drinking heavily and alone. Likely not the two best signs of a cheery chap.

After coming home last week for a short break from work, all I did was sit and sleep. Also video games; mindless video game violence. I haven’t been taking care of myself as I use to; still shower and maintain my own personal hygiene but outside of that, I haven’t done much. Still taking my medication but I think the stress has outpaced the medication. Which is surprising if it is since I trust the medication to last me through the day. I did notice the effects slowly wearing off. Started with a midday slump right after lunch, then it was like an old car engine sputtering to a crawl. Then, there was nothing. No second wind. No miracle recovery. Just the driver in his broken down car.

I still have a couple weeks left on my medication. I could get it refilled, worth a shot though I live 200km away from my pharmacist at the moment and it might be a bother to get a month’s worth for just two more weeks.

Maybe just hold out, just a bit longer. Then hope things will get better.

Long Imaginings

Recently I had the opportunity to take part of brainstorming an alternate universe, a universe which could someday be. I always want to think about a different place and time, something beyond the here and now.

Fantasy is something I enjoy a lot when I can’t reach out and obtain it. It’s kind of odd to imagine a world without the USA, but a conversation directed to it gave it an interesting thought. I’m not much into political science but I couldn’t help to wonder how the states of union would go their own ways.

I guess it’s why I like tactical games, getting the control and to play the person in control. At the same time, which is why I like the loss of control in a survival game. In survival it’s all about thinking to regain some control. Always out of reach in a survival, a good survival game would keep me seeking control.

The appeal of video games, it can take me away yet keep me rooted to reality.

Damage.

This week has been an eventful one with the US on it’s toes for a new president. Wednesday was a sigh a relief, until I turned in Thursday to see a lot of bad things happening down south.

From the live feeds and video crawling the internet, people have been attacking others over political ideologies. People are getting really physical, video of people beating up party supporters. It’s concerning how supercharged the American public can be during an election. Thinking one person can fix everything about a nation isn’t the right way a democracy should operate; perhaps in other forms of government.

Violence in any way should be the last resort, not as a reactive solution to an unstable situation. Of course the two main parties have candidate which have said and done some terrible things, but it’s unfortunate there weren’t other independents to spread their word. However the top two have a lot of influence.

Anyone is free to have an opinion, but no one should be beaten for it. No one should be attacked at random, not for anything. I’m not a Christian person but I believe having ethics and morals. In the past, violence only invites atrocities. Atrocities invites mistakes; mistakes which cannot be undone.

The damage has been done, whether it is victory or defeat; we must live through this.

Re: Help me out here, please.

Response to http://ramblingsfromawritersmind.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/help-me-out-here-please/.

Hello Paul White, marketing isn’t my specialty. However I would like to offer my views on blogging and social media platforms.

For the past few years, I’ve been ranting on about games, people and anything that touches a nerve to me. Thus far, I have seen a small trickle of readers. In the early months, I wasn’t too sure what to do or say to generate traffic. However there are a few things I’ve kept in my mind when I posted something onto my blog.

In terms of content, I do my best to leave the profanity at the door. I swear more than a sailor in real life, but my blog gives me the opportunity to back up and cool off to look objective but still have a fire burning to the point. I’m a personal blogger so I like to be open to my readers, however there are exceptions to this. As a personal prerogative, I keep information that’s very personal and intimate away from my blog. I try and not talk about the people I know by name nor do I try and describe them.

As for “exposure” you kept mentioning, I do think it’s a good thing to have your blog seen by others and have them provide their point of view. WordPress.com is a community of thousands of writers, bloggers and hobbyists. For your content to be seen, you have to write something worth talking about. Write something provocative, informative or opinionated; you will get the attention of a few readers. Importantly when producing content, you should know how to generate viewership. With WordPress, you can use tags to attract other users to your blog. The more tags you attach to the post, the more likely it will be seen based on a keyword search. The kicker to this with WordPress.com, some tags usually overused. Meaning there are a lot of people using the same tag for their post and therefore your post might not be seen and could be buried. If they are patient, they will stumble on your post. Importantly, keep posting constantly. Create a schedule and try to stick to it. When I first started my blog, it wasn’t (and still) is not aimed to generate views. In fact, it’s my own personal platform to release. There are things to be just said and let go rather repressed deeply. I try and aim for a post once every 7 days because it feels natural for me to post at that rate. I subscribed to some bloggers that post every day and some do it once a month. Find your speed.

In a way, we are competing indirectly for viewership through what we tag. This is where social media comes in handy. If you have other media platforms to share, you can bring traffic from other sites towards your site. Of course not only you should be letting the world know what you are producing, at the same time you should be engaging. Doesn’t necessary mean you have to be passive aggressive with bloggers and guest writers where you post a small comment to redirect them to your site, but more towards on building a rapport with others to keep them from coming back. Rather than shake hands and part ways, try and find some common ground where both can benefit through generating traffic rather than having guests redirecting their viewers to your site to generate a viewership on your site.

In case you nodded off with me mumbling on. Here’s the “TL;DR” (Too Long; Didn’t Read) version:

  • Constant content
  • Tag everything like a graffiti artist
  • Reach out on other social media platforms
  • Hope you’re 1 of the many 1000’s people are reading and sharing
  • Don’t be selfish, contribute back

In the end, success just depends on what you have created. If it’s something the same and something that has been done, then it wouldn’t take off as quickly. Doesn’t mean to give up, just means you have to keep going. Soon or later something good will come to it.

Happier

The last week picked up fairly quick with better horizons ahead of me. I have been both very active and very tired, I’ve learned I’m a bit of a workaholic; the one thing I never thought I would become. 

Starting off, I’m reaching close to being straight broke. I’m slowly reaching out for welfare to keep myself afloat. My financial situation is a good smack to the face to job hunting. Even though I have been meticulously scouring all the resources available to me, I still think I’m still far away from where I want to be. The hardest I find about this is I don’t have enough to really keep going indefinitely. In my home grown pride, I don’t feel comfortable on handouts for food and funds but I think I might have to take advantage to what I can provide myself.

Just recently, I finally got a bit of employment and even with that, it’s not going to cover everything to keep me going. It’s not enough to help me move out and not enough to live on my own even with assistance from welfare. This is the irony of being born and raised in the city; I want to live here but at the same time the city seems like it doesn’t want me around. With all these “opportunities” you read about in the newspaper or from people who are living their lives and looking at you. Reality is never black and white and never the shades in between. At least a bit of employment than no employment at all; when you’re hungry and wanting more to your life, does it matter if you’re overworked and underpaid? On a positive note since I got a position working in the food industry, I get to learn more about making food and handling money; which is good especially when it comes to customer service positions in this city.

With more to do with my life, the less I feel I have to worry and the more I can feel productive. I feel really rejuvenated yet relaxed. It’s been too long since I felt a sense of purpose and the need to move quick. In the coming weeks, I hope my schedule will be packed with work. My aim is a 10am to 6 pm work schedule during the weekdays and be on call during the weekends. At the moment like a quest, my “on call” optional is done; just have to complete the main tasks to finish the quest.

“It’s going somewhere…” – Star Trek Online, Season 9

The last week, season 9 for Star Trek Online has come out on its Holodeck server. This means I get to check out what’s new and the challenge to unfold for a Starfleet captain. To start it off the developers have provided a review of what the universe has been through since the game’s conception.

Story in short so far, Klingon’s are suspicious of everyone and started to wage war against the Federation. Romulus is destroyed by it’s own supernova star, thus ending the Romulan Star Empire. The Borg returned in their attempt to take the Alpha Quadrant. The Jem’Hadar provide a friendly reminder the Gamma Quadrant is still dominated by the Dominion. The Undine have been undermining the superpowers to dismantle them. Within the conflicts from the past, the Federation and Klingon look forward to the future. The Federation and the Klingon Empire forge a “no touching” alliance to hold off the Borg and assist in the resettlement of the former inhabitants of the Hobus star. In the Tau Dewa sector in the former Romulan territory, Romulans and Remans have created the New Romulan Republic. Learning from past mistakes of the clandestine Tal Shiar, the Republic work toward establishing a new homeworld and to create a future for the Romulan people based on unity and cooperation. Recently, the Romulan, Federation and Klingon alliance has found an Iconian gateway which lead to the discovery of a another gateway which lead to a Dyson Sphere in the Delta Quadrant. At the same moment, the Voth have taken interest with the Sphere, specifically the Sphere’s Omega particle technology. Old enemies are united to enter the year of 2410. And yes, it took 8 seasons for the year to change once unlike the TV series.

The dubbed features for this content update is mostly visual changes to Starfleet’s Earth Spacedock and character customization additions, introduction of the Undine as the main protagonist for this season and instances and missions associated with it. First thing I did once the patch was install was examine the visuals. At first the patch pushed the graphics up to display the new aesthetics of the characters. Once I was loaded in the game, I set a course right for Spacedock. Coming out of warp above Earth, it was indeed different. The ships moving to and form the drydocks and the station seems to be lively. Upon docking, it was definitely a new sight and definitive change in the colour palette. In short, I’ve spent a long play session just looking at every decal, object and NPC in the changed social zone. Apparently they have added a reason why the zone layout has changed. To avoid spoilers, please play it for yourself. In short, we the players lose a little to gain some different. Like the exteriors, the zone is lively with NPC’s and have much of a shopping mall feel when it comes to the item NPC’s. If the item and exchange area feels like a mall, then the ship interaction NPC’s is the information desk. Aside from the tall ceiling and open space, it’s easier to navigate and feels less crowded unless you walk into the high traffic area.

To the story content, the Borg missions have changed to include a prelude to the Undine storyline. The missions feel long which can be good and bad. Good being it feels like an episode, the bad is the voiceover gets interrupted by accident in certain areas. Double upside, the Borg storyline no longer feels out of place and supplemental. Now the bulk, the Undine story.

To avoid spoilers in short, the action is intense and the story is an obvious changer.  It takes away from classic games concepts and maintains the feel of the Trek intensity once enveloped in the series. This is the season where there are no exclusive additions in fleets but a lot of additions to hold people over until new episodes are released such as the Voth Zone in the Solanae Sphere being overrun with Undine.

Change in the reputation mechanics does make it way easier and less of a grind. First off, main rep projects are separated in two; 20 hour dailies and 1 hour hourly projects. Each of the projects reward a box containing a random object from the project’s store. Also it seems, the project item sets are more linear to be easier to find and redeem which results in making missing set pieces a bit impossible to receive unless you have the project queued prior to the update. Overall, it allows the content to be easier to experience and less of a time gate.

Lastly the Undine STF of two space and one ground 5-man instance. The ground mission is part combat and part detective work. You figure out who on Bajor is an Undine spy and rid the city of Hathon from the Undine spy network. One of the space instances is assault against the planet killer shipyards in fluidic space. The other instance is a counter-offensive above some of major species’ homeworlds. This instance requires attacking on 3 lanes and destroy 2 fluidic rifts. If this idea sounds similar then yup, it’s that kind of game; great way to suck the DOTA crowd.

It’s a balance in art and content changes which slowly advances the storyline. There are small bugs at the moment of this post but negligible. Of the start, season 9 of STO is a good start; the only surprise would be fulfilling season unlike the last few seasons which were devoid of episodic content.

DLC, Map Pack, Expansion, Add-On: Which one is it?

As gamers, we usually enjoy one game and find the next obsession like drug addicted maniacs (don’t do drugs). Sometimes, dealers (I mean developers) release content after months of the initial release of the game. At times, the press release doesn’t necessarily define what is going to the follow up content and they announce it generically a DLC or Downloadable Content. I don’t necessarily have a problem with that phrase when it comes to downloading said content. However, it annoys me when the phrase isn’t relevant to what it is; so I’m going to give you my interpretation of what DLC are to me and how they are broken down.

DLC’s, simply downloadable content which should be additional gameplay tacked on to the base game you can receive through an internet connection. If you need a physical copy, then that to me would be an expansion. “DLC” and “expansion” terms  are the umbrellas for the other downloadable content. Expansions traditionally are optional content that would seem more like an epilogue to the main story to the game or adding a large continuation to the game. Whether it is a larger map size in an MMO or an additional story to the game.

Map packs are prevalent with first person shooters which add additional scenery and areas to play on. Some companies at the same time also release maps as well as additional game modes or content as well, in which case this gets a bit more messy to whether it’s a DLC or a map pack. Oh wait, it’s not! It’s both a DLC and a map pack however the “map pack” nomenclature is included if there is a set of maps and not just one map in the content release in my opinion. This goes with “weapon packs” or any kinds of item addition which sometimes deliver through the same genre. However if it’s just a singular item in any game, I would consider it as a add on (addon or add-on, just pick one) since it’s only a small update to the game and does not open much more gameplay.

At the consumer end, to have some standardization even through terminology to convey what you are trying to advertise. Until next time, keep on gaming!