Weird is OK

Last week I was so excited to see Paramore, the few bands in my rotating playlist of music that has permanent standing. It’s been almost a decade since I’ve seen them live, I believe I still have the stub from the DCU Centre in Massachusetts. But finally being able to see them here at home was a gift after having a terrible rainy date and the last minute request from work to complete a shift. Unlike the DCU, I had seats this time but I didn’t even need it (exception for the two opening acts, I’m not much of a Foster The People person). Just having them on stage and seeing the crowd reminded me of those days just sitting at home and blaring it in my ears.

At the start of the concert, I was surprised a lot of people dressed so differently taking their seats. Teenagers, old fans, a crew of dyed hair people, even a few people in their business casual wear stood and jammed with Paramore. They brought our a lot of old album favourites to playing their entire new After Laughter album. But just being there with people dancing and watching, I felt comfortable to wave my hands and headbanging in the stands. It was comforting to just hear Hayley’s words sung and sung back to her. It was electric in a way everyone can hold on those words. I remember the first time I felt like that was when I heard The Only Exception. It was moving that no matter where you come from, people are similar in situation. Whether a break up, a death, a crappy circumstance could being someone back.

After leaving the concert, I left for a bit of late night Chinese food. I saw hoards of people scrambling to cars and even people trickling into the streetcar stop. I took a less direct route to the restaurant for some take out. Just seeing people dispersing train stop after train stop with all their Paramore paraphernalia, it was something almost magical. Then as I waited for a meal, I saw a group of friends sit down wearing the same After Laughter t-shirt and I was remember just how special the concert was, the difference of appearance and now appetite.

I’ve always advocated that being weird and different is good. That night I really felt accepted by those words and I now I’m starting to look at myself and say “Weird is OK”.

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Here You Are Again

Odd thing that happened on my Facebook recently.

Occasionally, I like to cull my private online profiles. Ridding people I’ve fallen out of or haven’t seen in a long time. Sometimes they’ll never add me back, which I’m totally okay with and I’ve been on the receiving end of a social media culling a few times. I can totally understand however this one time when I lost someone physically and they disappeared off my friends list, it felt terrible.

Setting: recently, I accidentally set a status update to public and they liked it back. Honestly, a lot of emotion flooded back when I was first notified. I do think of them fondly however knowing they still bookmarked me is interesting. When I first realized, I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to let them know I’m alright but open to talk. The best I could think I could do is just write another status update.

This is a first for me and I’m not quite sure if I did the right thing. As the shy me, I would say I handled it well.

What do you guys think?

Tenacity.

Recently, I had the opportunity to use my “once a month” airsoft budget to play again. This time rather than the shy timid person I was, I opened up to myself as the personality that I am towards my fellow players. Though I must admit I was a bit physically rough with myself with some sustained injuries, it wasn’t that painful compared to my last experience. Definitely lessons learned and points to sustain for every outing. However this time as I readied for the first round of the night (2 v. 2 team deathmatch), I felt less of the hesitation and nervousness that I feel when I try something new. Second time at the facility, I really felt ready to play. My rifle recalibrated and optics finally sighted, any fears faded and began to live here and now. As the referee counted down – “THREE”, my mind racing and thinking. Will I draw blood this time around? I am getting older, why am I living like this? “TWO”, how will this round will turn out? how will other think if my injuries was caused by these actions? Hundreds of questions until the call. “ONE”, silence. It was me, my breath and heartbeat as I drew my rifle up for the go.

Many things in my life, the best things happened in my life this far, have occurred when I’m nervous and scared. Unsure of the future, unsure of the consequences; risk and risk alone was the award for me. Yet risk and risk alone was what ended those great ventures. When I was young, I feared risk. Risk of injury, risk of loss, risk of failure. Much of the best years of my life is avoiding risk. I realize risk is what I need the most.

Life is indeed about trying new things, growing outside a shell. Though it’s not permission to go wild, it’s the steadfast determination when facing impending consequences. Being into the very moment to think and react and to not be ready what will have days and weeks beyond.

This moment in time is what we have left of ourselves. The next moment might not be the same. It could be but there is nothing to gain in a moment if it is the same. In the very moment, nothing beyond should really matter but right now. In my life, it has only happened once. The moment when my mind clears and I am in that moment. The moment when everything is nothing but what I hear, smell, touch and see. Itself in words only can quantify an infinite feeling. It’s almost exhilarating and yet I dare find it.

Lesser are my fears even if they exists. Facing them and challenging them is one thing I alone must achieve. Perhaps in it all fear is our greatest enemy but tenacity is humanities greatest weapon.

Back To School, Here’s Some (not so bad) Advice

Probably around that time again when teens are going back to school. For some, it will be going through the motions. Some will be getting out of it while some are going to go into it with a fresh pair of eyes. But this week I want to focus on high school because I remember how crazy high school can be for me. Okay, it was fairly tame but I’ve seen people go through some heavy stuff.

If you are entering this year as a niner or a freshman, welcome to your teen years and congrats for making it this far. There is no trophy for making it to high school. As the 13 or 14 year old, you will likely be spending the next 4 years in a place I equate to a very liberal prison. From my years, here’s a few things I picked up. You might arrive at this place with some friends; in honesty, they won’t be your friends for long. Well, you may get lucky with the one friend that would stick it through with you for the entire time. However I’ve seen people’s social structures change through 4 years. So consider all your childhood friends to be a nice little stepping stone to reach out to the entire school. It’s good to meet new people and try new things because at this point in time, you cannot be faulted to finding a bit of your adulthood within those walls. Sure you may have a plan going in, but coming out you may need a back up plan. In my case I had a back up, back up, back up plan. Shortly and surely that little taste of adult life will shock you to consequences. As scary as it sounds; for me, it keeps me grounded. Understand the limits, ask and scrutinize everything. If you have a choice on the subjects you can learn, I don’t think I could recommend anything you can personally do yourself. You know what you want in the here and now. I never figured out what I want through high school. As a 20-something, winging it sometimes doesn’t yield the best results. However the subjects I took helps me keep my eyes open and head held high. I guess I have my history teachers to thank.

To those would-be sophmores, you are well versed and well adjusted in school. As well adjusted you can be, I guess. No less, there are a few things you should be aware of too. Mostly puberty; laugh and giggle, hormones are no joke. This is the one thing I hated going through and I’m a dude! Sometimes I would just be borderline angry and sometimes I just wanted to curl up into a ball and leave the world to its devices. All I can say the chemicals are a perfect storm for learning the extent of your personality. Are you a risk taker? Romantic? Creative thinker? Lots of things will grow out physically and personally, hold on tight and ride the waves. Growing up is complicated but it doesn’t mean you are growing into adulthood. You are more growing to learn to be yourself, keeping what you have and leaving some of it behind. I use to be blank canvas and even now, that canvas is constantly changing. I never liked reading in school, I now read a bit at a time. I might even read a graphic novel. Give it time to let it all sink in; be out there and explore the frontiers of what it is to be yourself. Remember: why should you run in the rain when you know when arrive, you will still be wet?

Juniors, you guys are almost at the end. Like one more year, nearly there. Time for your exit strategy, what are your plans for the next couple years. As you refine your academia, remember to pack your portfolios with something. In some places, 16 years old is the minimum working age. It’s a good time to explore those back up options. Those these options may never come back to you, you could get into them and it will just look good on a resume. Just go out there and gain the experience you want, learn how to work and manage yourself. When I was 16, I explored a back up option for post-high. Apparently out of all the options I could have, it is the one I am still into because I like the environment. Rather to disclose you what I do now; let’s say just go out there and find your backup options, you will be surprised what sort of jobs you can pick up and just love.

As for the seniors, I haven’t forgotten you. Whether you want to take an additional year in high school or leaving after 4 years, the upcoming years will set the stage for adventure. As much as you want to explore and learn from it, keep in mind to create a balance of curiosity and livelihood. You may be entering university or college, perhaps into a workplace full-time; regardless where the next 4-10 years will send you, remember to make friends and have a little fun. Life is about enjoying the fragmented moments. The joy and anguish, the angst and exhilaration that your life will take you. Be yourself. Make friends. Life is best spent with those you care about and the ones your love. Do not dwell on the actions you could have taken for all your mistakes will be forgiven in time. Trust me, there were a few people I wish I could have been honest. The “only if” statements I have given to myself the past half decade could fill another post. The big ones involved a few girls I still like and a few changes I wish I could’ve have embrace. I am who I am because I created myself, therefore I could still change if I’m willing. The you here and now is not your final form, still a long ways to figure it out but this is the transformation to being an adult version of you.

Until next time; be the best you, you can be this year.

Re: “52 Days Left.” – How to teen, from a loner.

[Response to captainjuliet7’s post]

Fair winds to you too, Capt.

So far you are the shortest post I’ve read with much to say about it. Though I am a guy, I think I could provide some insight from my perspective before you set sail for the next 50 plus days.

Before you scrutinize every syllable and say, “what should I listen to this random voice of the Internet?” Well, you don’t have to but perhaps someone who has travelled through the path of puberty and teen drama before it was teen drama; I admit I did not choose the loner life, loner life chose me. As a objective observer of the fates, high school friendships are a toss up anyways. Sooner or later you or your friends will fall away and you will live your life of very few interaction with them. Perhaps you kindle a long term friendship with a few. Whatever the outcome, rest assured wherever you go you will always meet more with diverse personalities. The long run like any relationship, it will all end. From personal experience, female friends can be pretty chatty about nothing and guys can be nonsensical. In all the advice I can give this should be a no-brainer.

If they don’t like you, leave them. If you hate them, dump them. If it risks too much, then don’t go for it. Especially with guys and coming from a guy, be super careful because you never know one of them is crushing.

I hope for gently seas in your future!

Late Lifestyle Change

Summer’s ending which meant community pools are closing fairly soon. It’s unfortunate because recently I got into swimming again after half a decade avoiding it. I might have swam a few years back but never returned since. However recently though I’ve been feeling the need to exercise more. No pressure or anything, just thought about it and decided to do it. At first I did a bit of sit ups and push up and now I’m starting to take an interest in swimming. Likely not going to be competitive but more recreational for it’s health benefits.

After a week of swimming at the local pool, I already came to a few conclusions. First being I’m very out of shape. In my teens, I could swim a lap or two but now a lap is pretty much just out of reach at the moment. Regardless, I am definitely capitalize as much of the summer remaining to swim. Even on my “busy” recording schedule for my gameplay series on YouTube, I should find something outside and outdoors to do.

At the moment I’m still as hesitant as I was before with running and jogging. I think it’s more of a self esteem issue I want to confront but I haven’t gotten the gall to put up with it. Any advice to anyone with a friend with self esteem issues; if they want to confront their problems, help them at all cost. Seriously if I had a friend, I would want them to help me through some of these problems. In time, I’ll find my way through it; just will and the choice to do something about it will take me there.

On the video game front, I’ve been enjoying Kerbal Space Program a bit more. Maybe because I have a plan or a fixed time limit because of the series, but I’m really enjoying it. The career mode is pretty dull but combined with the let’s play series on my channel, I like it. I feel I can definitely share all the highs and lows. So far as of this post, I’ve been into orbit a few times, rescued a couple Kerbals, and set up two satellites around our fair planet. And of course since career has contracts, I’ve been working on testing parts for money and science to get the jobs I want done. For the moment in the future, big plans and construction plans are coming up. Mostly setting up a permanent presence in the Kerbol system. Maybe considering on some roleplay in career mode. Sky’s the limit, quite literally. Definitely a lot of plans for manned and unmanned missions. Hopefully go beyond what I already have done in the game in the past, which is travel to the two moons around Kerbin. With the ARM (Asteroid Redirect Mission) update, definitely want to showcase a bit of that content as well. Not sure when but definitely when I feel confident on orbital rendezvous.

Besides KSP, I’ve been approached by some Steam friends on playing some other games with them and maybe record some of those as one off videos. I did do a few videos in Insurgency but I found the content wasn’t that interesting. Who knows, I might record more Insurgency and maybe get working on an Unturned collaborative series. For now, my system can handle storing a regular gameplay series and some videos here and there. As far as having a parallel series in another game, that will require some help.

For now I have a good balance between KSP and swimming. I can upload while I swim, then coming back I can continue editing. That’s how life should be, balance. 

Specking IRL

In video games, especially in MMO’s, specking is a way if life. The purpose to be best of the best; either to be the most swift, the most smart or the most strong. Which would explain why everyone looks alike in their equipment, either to counter weakness or amplify their strengths. As I grow older, it seems to me this fact slowly holds true in many vectors in living.

Must like video games, modern society focuses on learning a set of skills or possess particular knowledge akin to skills and attributes. When you go to school at a young age, it’s merely the tutorial to the real world. It should be teaching things to talk to other people and complete certain tasks. Over time you begin to do these things regularly in different settings and with speed. Then you get into university, that’s where you specialize into doing something in the group. This institution is the two to six years where you pick you class, archetype or specialization. After that with much hope and debt, you are thrown into the open world with other newbies and seasoned veterans. It this ultimate massively open world experience; you get no respawns and rerolls, reputation and social groups matter, and the choice to add more specializations at a cost.

Choosing something for yourself in this game may be difficult but like any MMO, it’s based on what you want. If you want a life of brute labour, focus mainly on a strength build of lifting weights and running. If you want to be more brain than brawn, tapping out data and equations; then calculus and mathematics should be something you should really concentrate. If you stay the course, you would do fairly well. Those who decide to backtrack and choose something else, it can get difficult. Without the safety of a tutorial environment, you would have to learn on the go. If you wind up in a grind, you wouldn’t have just bored to deal with; some people just can’t handle it and would just get fed up.

As a person with a intelligence build who is more into a physical build, here’s my advice to anyone still in tutorial. Find something. Pick something you are good at and go with it. If you can think fast then find something more fast pace. You like to lift? Then pick a laborious workfield. Want to stick to something you like to enjoy? Stick to it. Disregard what other people say to you that you won’t make money or whatever, screw them all. People want you to have a intelligence build and all you want is agility with some strength, then agility and strength. It is up to you to make those choices to get you the right build. When you get it right, things will be easy. Get it wrong? Well…let’s hope you enjoy a longer grind to the top than you think.

Mistakes

No matter who you are, you screwed up at one point or another. Whether you forgot to take an exam, broke your leg that time you jump off a building, or you go arrested for possession of marijuana when you were actually holding it for a friend; you got in trouble and you had to pay the price for your own stupidity. No matter what the case, “mistakes happen” said every teacher ever but they don’t tell you that being an adulthood, mistakes get you into really big trouble (at least 75% of the time).

As kids, we all got into trouble at some point to some degree. Most of the time, the worst we get would be a beating because back then there weren’t child abuse laws like there are now. So we got our asses literally handed by our parents for everything we did. If your parents didn’t beat you, then well done because either you were smart enough to get someone else beat or your parents didn’t care about you and you’re probably needing this weekly blog post more than me. When we were kids, consequences were consistent. It would be a slap on the wrist, being grounded, or for some, get hit. If you are fortunate, your parents would be the main source of your consequence. As you grow older everyone else, including you, will put out the pain. In high school, your consequences would include the most easiest of consequences but they would hurt physically or emotionally just like how your parents raised you. Low grades? Consequence for not learning. Not going to rehearsal to see a movie? Well you can kiss your shot at the talent show next spring goodbye. Accidently got someone/yourself pregnant? Congrats, you are now a parent. It would seem like the you are either screwing up pretty badly or just feel the world is never giving you a break.

As with growing up, things get more complicated and the consequences to your mistakes regardless of how small are now amplified. Why? Because society thinks being an adult is knowing everything. In reality, adults know nothing. Seriously, I know some people including myself; we still don’t know what we’re doing. We’re always getting into trouble either in our own little ways or after two decades of getting beat down, we’re finally learning to cover up for our mistakes. But even when we cover up our mistakes, being adult has it’s curveballs. Even if you cover up, it might come back to bite you back whether you learned your lesson or not. So to really enjoy adulthood as society places it, is to really never do anything wrong or against society itself. Discussion of fascism aside, I don’t think any of us can really be capable of never screwing up and usually if we do, we would either get in trouble personally or professionally. Legally would be the beating your parents gave when you were a child, but as an adult legal troubles are the worse because this can just ruin in one hit.

Though as badly as your parents, school or society puts it; we all get into trouble regardless of degree. You could be a millionaire having an affair or a teenage girl with an unfaithful love in your life. Just know before you realize it, everything is a mistake. Everything we do or experience is a mistake. Regardless whether we want it to happen or not, something started us along these path of choices and we travelled the best we can here. Even then, we will travel down the wrong path, make the wrong choices, even tried to go back and try again. Doesn’t necessarily make mistakes a bad thing to do, in fact mistakes can sometimes be the best thing that can happen. Getting into trouble for me usually taught me more than school, which is pretty irony but true. The choices I made that never panned provided me some perspective. School can tell you about experience and things that went on with the world and things that might help you with your job. There is no substitute to learning stuff on your own, even when you screw up you learn what would happen when you screw up.

We are not all perfect people, we don’t fit in to any description quite perfectly. We all make mistakes, the best we can do is learn from them and be comfortable with those mistakes because what you did with your life makes your life unique. People might scorn you for them after and you might get into more trouble, mistakes happen but they always happen. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s recommend to make mistakes. When you can do something wrong, sooner or later you will learn to do something right. That’s how evolution happened and parenthood happens because no one learned to evolved or became a parent, you learn from what you know and how badly you screwed up.

Until next time, screw up a little. You’ll live a little, maybe learn something from it.

Dating a Gamer – The Insider Guide

[Left in a lot of euphemisms, enjoy!]

This week, we’re going to be a bit light on the subject and approach a topic I don’t talk to anyone about; mainly because I have no one to really talk to about things, hooray loneliness! With how prevalent gaming culture is now, it’s best to lay down the line about going to pick up someone who is a gamer just like you. If not like you, then picking a gamer to be that special somebody in your life. Like any good RPG, there will be ups and downs filled with dungeons of demons and dragons in the hopes your reward was worth the quest (Can this sentence get any dorkier?).

As a note, I’m not a dating expert; I’m a gamer. I take from my personal experience to help you if you are confused or unsure. Results may vary since people’s personalities vary, this is to help you and not all necessarily get you hooked up with anyone. 

Let’s Play

On top of how you fine that special someone, a new complexity reaches when the person says “I like to play games” and “I’m a gamer”. It might sound like a turn off, but I find video games are the best way to learn about someone. Much like learning their hobbies and interests, video games can be a great indicator of their personality. Approaching someone with the question should be around the same time you ask about their interests and hobbies. Now, don’t freak out that you don’t know any of the titles they’re mouthing off, feel free to ask them about it and you can totally just Google it later.

When you bring up the topic of video games, there can be two reactions; ecstatic or passive to the topic. If they seem to come back with the “Meh, games are okay.” kind of response, you got a lamer. They’re not into games but they have no opinion on it (or they do but they just want something else, I’ll let you figure that one out). To me, these people are way to active to play video games; totally understandable, we all need something else.

If they’re really interested, they would probably tell you their favourite games and all that. Good indication, they are committed to one thing. If you’re looking for a long term relationship, commitment is good right?

Choose Your Own Adventure

Now when it comes to their favourite games, they usually stick around for a reason. The game will always fall under a certain genre, much like music or movies. It can tell a lot about someone based on the games they stick to or are currently being played.

If this special someone like MMO’s, they’re usually seeking social interactions and a sense of belonging. Depending how often they play these games, they want to be sociable with some control.

Shooters are the equivalent of your adrenaline junkies. They seek a short thrill and they want those quick amazing moments. As one of them, definitely you want more and more until you get burned out.

Strategists whether they play in real time or turn based, these people really like to plan it out before they execute it. Total control for the right results. Plan and then execute. Careful where you make you move because they will make their move.

Roleplayers like to be in their own world and play their own parts. Self control comes from doing deed for the comrades around them. They can get fairly creative sometimes (Bow chicka wow wow).

Indie gamers are a toss up. Those I’ve met have been a bit of everything; hipsters to mainstream gamers. These people usually are looking for something outside their comfort zone and open to new ideas and concepts. They want change and want to find the small and special gem.

Tank or Spank?

There are two “streams” in gamers; competitive and co-operative gamers. All gamers possess both but one will be the most dominate. There is no both or none; even lone wolf gamers, they are competitive because they want to be good by themselves. Competitive gamers strive to be better than all and would try to do whatever it takes to be the best and on top (Wink wink nudge nudge).  Cooperative players usually put the team before themselves, they rather watch your back than be alone. They are committed to being one with the team than running solo.

Endgame

After all it’s said and done, knowing if someone is a gamer can be the easiest way to find out more about themselves than through other hobbies or interests. Opens up to know what their personality is like. However as a note of caution like any human being, a gamer has their flaws. They will range from person to person, but usually it’s obvious depending how much video games they play. Sometimes they can be hyper focused on games, but that’s the risk you take. Only way to really date a gamer is to be a bit of a gamer yourself. You don’t have to be totally involved to it or into it, just contribute a little and they will contribute back.

Each gamer has their flaws so watch for pitfalls and explosive barrels. Be committed to the plan or leave the game. Most of all, enjoy it and take every little bit of loot you get. When you find the right one, make sure you’re both geared up for the best two-man raid of a lifetime.