Pornography/Nude Photography?

I admit, I do look at nude photography on occasion. At the same time, I do look at porn like most of everyone else. As a person who appreciate great photography, I recently came across a photo on 500px with comments condoning the image as pornographic.

How can one image be lewd to another? In short, context (Blog post done, see ya next time!)

So what is this offending image? In words: a vagina. Too broad?

Okay in layman’s term, it’s a close up picture of a vagina with fingers which look like someone is masturbating.

As a bit of a shutterbug, I see it quite deeper. On the surface, it’s a woman masturbating and a close up of her vagina. But I also see the composition, the colours, the other elements which make the photo. At the same time, I see the same elements in other photos of men and women nude in other photos. I’ve seen photos of men posed with their penis and women with breasts out. And yes in these photos have subtle or exaggerated creative elements. The contrast of lighting, the use of space, the colour to attract the eye, leading lines and use natural and artificial shapes. Am I looking way too deep into the photo? Probably. Am I a pervert? Probably.

Yet in this lone photo that has triggered me to write this post, 3 people commented on this photo are crying out and I paraphrase.

“Very lewd, highly pornographic. Unsuitable for this site.”

“This isn’t what this website is about. No substance or meaning.”

“Disgusting.”

To me, these are also the thoughts in my mind when I see nudes. At the same time, I do see the value in the photo. Perhaps I have an open and expansive mind. I guess it’s why I hold my tongue to comment publicly on nude photography. Some see it as perversion while others see the artist capturing beauty in their own way.

Though I wouldn’t say all porn is artistic, I wouldn’t say all art is pornographic. It’s how you see it in your own mindset and in that sense, it’s not the artist that’s perverted.

It’s you.

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Lose Money Fast

It’s been a long week and a half; mostly work related. This weekend was the one and only time I ever had for myself to relax and do a few things. My pants are getting a bit baggy so I went and grabbed a belt. At the same time, I went out and ordered a few things. To end off a productive day, I thought I would go see a movie. Sometime between buying the belt purchase and the movie theatre, I managed to lose my debit card. By the time I whipped my wallet out to buy a ticket, I realized my situation.

My reaction was beyond disappointment, beyond fear. I depend on my bank account for so much and losing this little secure plastic card would expose my card’s RFID to anyone who finds it. Then it hit me how fragile that RFID tag inside the card can be.

As it stand with my bank, the radio tag inside my card doesn’t require any for of verification. A simple tap on the receiving device can make small purchases. It can be a lot if a lost card was tapped repeatedly everyday. Actually the first time I used the tap method once because the merchant wanted me to tap. He insisted.

From my teens right up to now, I’m a safety and security conscious person. There are risks involved with everything we do, online and offline. When it comes to taking a risk with a lifeline for many including myself, I’m starting to realize the vulnerability of the radio tag and electronic banking. It’s been awhile since I used any form of e-banking nor do I ever want to trust my data electronically. Many of you may be less concerned, I tip my hat off to you. Online banking opens a world of consumer freedom and the opportunity to buy and sell products online.

As for me, I’ll keep my old ways and stick with my physical banks.

You are the Change

I spent most of my academic days trying to figure it out. The situation of self and the realization of “having career opportunities” with qualifications. I am not going to lie to a teenager like most educators trying hard to keep a facade, Schooling does not necessarily make you who you want to become.

In school, I tried many courses they offered. I tried a bit of information technology, elective mathematics and creative writing. For all the years, I even tried a lot of history courses. Of all the years and hours spent at home and at school beat myself over the head with homework I learned very little which is relevant. Of all all the things I learned, I know for certain is algebra is only thing which has solid applications as a course. Everything else is a basis on opinion and extrapolation. Essay writing can help build an organized opinion. History helped with developing critical thinking. Of all the English classes, I can say I can write and describe experience in words. History (aside knowing the United States had a very bloody past) has given me an opinion about and idea of where I live and what it means to be here. The end goal regardless whatever the course was a grade; hopefully a passing grade.

Though I am not a success story, I still have much to learn but there is what I know for sure. Of all the things I’ve learned, none of that matters to what I do. No one really wants me to write essays or do a lot of calculations. Getting out of school, it seems most work places just require you to follow instructions and maximize productivity within the position you are hired. “Able to follow instructions, verbally and visually” is the primary concern for employers. You start lower than what you know. Kind of depressing when every expectation of you is surmised into a sentence as seen from an employer.

Don’t be discouraged, we all started somewhere. We never become what we want, it’s the matter of determination and commitment to where we want to end up. It’s not just taking the education of where you want to go but what you do as a career. You will realize you will start on the very bottom where your career will seem irrelevant and you will have to build your way up. Sure you can be an academic, but most of the work comes from actual experience of both in and our of the career. The end goal in never really the what you wanted but how you have experienced everything.

Isn’t the trip only as good as the journey?

Picking Up Steam

When you’re younger, things seem to pass by so fast. Not much to remember and not much to regret. As the years pass, thing seem to expand and moments seem to linger.

In many ways we think we should have life travel faster when we were young, all the boring bits of high school and life. As an adult looking back, I had those days I wanted to blaze through the day until I can escape; now this is not the case. With work and life, I could only wish I had more time for everything. More time to play more, more time to spend time with loved ones, more time to make more money. There is only so much time in my life to do all the things I want, the problem is not the lack of time but the investment and commitment of time. A balance between going to play games but having enough time to work on my professional career.

I guess that is the curse of living and growing in a society like  this, we have so much but not enough to do what we would like. The world has so much to show you if you choose to pursue it, yet we are held into the comfortable and mundane. On the fringe, there is anyways something new and special. Yet here we are in the centre looking out and hoping something interesting comes along.

As I am writing this, the time is ticking for tomorrow to pull the long haul but stayed up  to write this because I know I will be far away from home to write another. No time to write, so much time to work. Partly of choice and necessity, it is society’s way. I want to commit to my personal life, but I need to find a balance.

We all need to find a balance.

Growing Up or Growing In

Probably my age wouldn’t amount much advice when you ask me how mature is adulthood. Every adult will tell you to act your age; whether you are an adult or not. After just half a decade of “adulthood”, nothing has really changed.

In high school, we all discover new things while carrying our experiences in childhood. We meet new people, discover new things and make bigger decisions. Over time, we just learn the ways of the world and suddenly we realize life isn’t much rainbows and sunshine. Strange thing about teenagehood and adulthood is it’s much of the same, but post-puberty. That’s the secret, there isn’t nothing special about being a 20-something or 30-something. As much as people say at a certain age you start going downhill, it’s true everything gradually closes off to you as you get older but you will learn to get over it. In many ways the high school years only teaches you one thing, how to deal with regret in a humane fashion.

After a decade since being in the middle of pubescent period of my life, I come to the point where I am still discovering a bit of myself. After coming out as a young adult, it seems much around me stayed the same. However the interesting thing is I am still changing, I wasn’t the same person I was 6 months ago. I am always learning new things on my own and exploring new concepts and ideas. As everything and everyone tells me to grow up and “act your age”, there are so many contradictions in everyone and everything as well.

Creams and serums to make you look young and enhancements to make you feel just as young as you were when you were a teen. Yet fleeting as youth may be to some, I consider youth to be as constant as the wind. The wind just blows and will continue to blow as long as there is something to make it blow. Youth, you have to truly feel young at heart to be young at heart. In that sense, age is different to the sense of youthfulness. We can count the days like we count the stars; like both, there is no point if you are not in the moments you want to enjoy.

Growing up, doesn’t mean to be more mature and to be uptight with a stick up your butt all the time. Growing up is perhaps a cycle of finding joy in life in all the chaos and sadness life can bring. It’s perhaps not an evolution of yourself, but innovation of yourself. Keeping what you are to what you want to do next regardless of the mistakes we will make. It’s how we learn; from our failures and misdeeds.

“Up” is perhaps not the right way to describe it.

Expectations Of Adulthood

As children, we are given an idea of what it is like as an adult. From parents to teachers, we usually find our own way into the world. As incredible as it sounds when we reach to “adulthood”, we look back and realize childhood was such a simpler time.

Though I am still youthful in my days, I have to admit I yearn for the days I wish I have nothing to do but at the same time I yearn for a bit of something worth doing. Call me strange but I’m in between being a child and and adult. People all around me can say I should grow up while we’re all chasing the last vestiges of our own youths. To me, it’s how you feel and what you do to express your youthfulness is what counts. In a way, my life is balanced between staying young and growing old. Though time can age me, adulthood would never scar me. I would like to play all the video games in the world, but I would like fulfilling work which can in turn give me more time and hardware to play. I want to feel perpetually carefree; I want to do all the adult things but have enough to just be a kid.

In a way I want to be a big kid with a monitor so big I can play video games on my bed with my wireless mouse and keyboard I bought. I want to fall in love with a girl who shares the same so we can have our entire place a adult playground  when we move in together (That sounds, guarantee you that’s not). I want to eat all the foods I like as a kid; of course in moderation since candy is bad and fried things make you fat.

Until next time, growing up doesn’t have to mean leaving things behind. Sometimes growing up means reconnecting with your past self.

Memorable Future

Perhaps I’m not a teenager anymore, but in the past I was one and more recently I’ve been reverting back into one. Growing up, I never had an adolescence like a lot of the teens do. I could point fingers but to say I wish I could do all the cliché teen things would be an understatement.

When I was 15 going on 16, I still didn’t have any friends to talk confide in; I had peers which I would hardly trust on a good day. I wanted to be a bit more fit but my tubby Asian body and my own teenage laziness said otherwise. I wanted (if you want to believe this) to fall in love and keep on dating my own high school sweetheart. However happy endings go, I never seen it. When I watch this feel good romances (or some “fit” dude hocking his new workout routine) on my computer, it reminds me of high school and all the things I never did because I never felt I was good enough for it all.

Now coming into my mid-20’s, I know my time as a teen is decades ago. I feel I missed out on the innocence and beauty that is seeing the world with fresh eyes. There are days I feel broken hearted, lost and empty. Feels like I missed a lot of opportunities I should’ve tried even back then I would have only imagined. Guess with age, we all get a bit bolder on our past; our “what if’s” become our “should have’s”. Out of the infinite possibilities in an infinite universe, we live within this infinite possibility. We chose to be here; I made all the choices, good and bad, to get here. Am I still fulfilled? To put it in many perspectives of many quandaries into one is difficult enough.

“Could I have done better in all my classes to get at least a B+ or equivalent?”

“Should I have been more involved into clubs or groups?”

“Should I have asked all those girls I had a crush on al those years if they wanted to go out with me?”

That last one weighs a lot to me considering how my experience with women is now. Being in my 20’s and out of school, dating is more difficult when you’re not stuck in the same box. I had many opportunities to ask a lot of girls out; as embarrassing as it sounds, I know at least a few girls I had some attraction towards. I never explored if it was romantic, platonic or just physical. Now here I am asking myself if I will ever find true love. “Where’s my one true love?” I keep asking, even now.

After dating a couple girls, I realize true love is insane. So insane it’s the reason I’m willing to wait to see it through. I am a gamer and insanity is always the challenge. Out of all the girl-wanting testosterone fuel rambling, confidence was something I never had and I have yet earned. Lacking in, I have an abundance of regret I try to carry hidden inside. Knowing well I will never able to undo the past, but I can write my own future.

Sure, I may not be a teenager anymore but I still have time to be youthful. I would concede I may never fall in love at 16 or go to prom with her, but I have the rest of my life to find the girl to slow dance with under the stars with our song soothing our ears. Sooner would be preferable for all my youth is now. In my life, I hardly have any memories worthy to recollect. Those that I remember, I remember fondly; of pure love and hope for the future, not alone anymore but full of purpose.