I don’t know what else to say beyond the subject line. The past month and a half has been a bit of a heavy low for me.
From the last month until now I’ve been busy with CONTACT, a local photography festival. Visiting all (or most of them I wanted to see) the interesting exhibits. Some work was very abstract with video elements but it was a nice month to unwind. By the end of May, there was a large open house event and I managed to see a few things.
Beyond that I’ve been kind of lonely and been trying to fill my time either diverting from my thoughts and it’s rough. Every day it has been either going out with a camera or trying to be around other people and hoping I can overcome my shyness to talk to someone. Spoiler alert: I’ve been awkward, shy and weird as per everyone has told me in my life (aside from everything else). So what I do when living in a city full of bars? I starting to drink heavily…for the second time in several months.
The first time, it was light. A few drinks here and there, then I starting drinking a couple. Then after that a couple more after that. At the moment I’m at 5 drinks per sitting. It’s not good when I’m doing this twice a week. I want to stop drinking to at least maintain some sort of self-temperance. However this drinking has opened my mind to some disturbing things. At the moment I don’t feel like diving too personal about it but I’m trying to find help without spending money. First I have to get off the booze.
I use to to upload to YouTube to share my gameplay stuff and use to be active on Twitter as well. Not I’m starting to think I need time away from it. Just watch other people because I feel little to no incentive since I feel like it’s more work than to hold me down from excessively gaming. At the moment, Stardew Valley is getting a bit of play time but I’m slowly sinking back into play hours on end. My eyes use to burn because I would stare at the monitor for over 4 hours.
Photography thing is going good. A local newspaper might want to hire me for events so I’m excited. It’s a bit of work to get on board but I think it could open up for me in terms of taking photos. Portraiture is one thing I have yet to explore so there might be something new in the works if I get on with the newspaper.
I haven’t left this place yet, but I do want to come back and be grounded to something at the moment.