Sometimes I feel – nay, I know – when I’m not going to complete something. It could be anything. From high school, I would half complete my assignments and hope it’s enough to pass me. In life however, there is no half; it’s all or nothing. In that mentality, then I do feel I don’t complete anything.
The summer hasn’t been much different, still much to go until the fall but the work I’ve been out doing is almost ending. After that it’s back to me playing video games for a YouTube channel that doesn’t get popular, a blog that’s hardly read (if you are a long time reader, I thank you for staying.) and a photography album that is still growing. Throughout I have had negative thoughts, still have them, but it’s how I live with them what makes a difference. I try to not give into them, not anymore. When I do, I do it to protect myself for just the moment. Now after all the emotional assault I’ve endured, I’m tired. Worn out, I feel a bit empty inside. Feels no different than knowing everything around you has failed your and you failed yourself. It’s a feeling I’ve known but not in this intensity and ferocity.
Just a couple more weeks and then I’ll get help. Holding on and hoping I’ll make it to the finish line.