June 19, 2015
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With time on your hands, we usually default to doing something pleasurable on our spare time. I know when I upload videos to YouTube, I don’t have the luxury to play video games. The irony of having and internet connection yet only travelling at a speed close to pre-2000 DSL. Bottlenecked, it gives me time to evaluate my life. At first there were things I don’t want to revisit, now I am ready to face them. Replaying my life the past few years and try and organize everything neatly to figure it all out if I’m init for the emotional trip.
Flawed as I am, I realize I am not the cookie cutter individual. Turns out I am both a academic and social underachiever, or I choose to be it. I can’t shake the feeling I have missed a lot of opportunities I could’ve taken if a was just a bit of an extrovert. I was stuck being the timid and shy nobody which has regrettably backfired in recent days of my life and it all roots back to all these things I regret to do when I was young. Unfortunately youth is for a limited time, just like someday I will reach middle age and my health will slowly decline. The toughest things I put myself down on is my sociability. I never really communicated with people in high school. My teenage self never had a chance to enjoy the high school scene and do the teenage things. Falling in love, having a proper graduation, prom; these things I never attended because I was just socially awkward. In the end, playing catch up as an adult sucks and there are some things that will never be replicated directly in adulthood.
We are our own collection of regrets. There is no sense to run away and hide from yourself. It’s good to take stock and see what actions you can take. For me, I can never relive youth but I can be as youthful as possible.