Year Three

As of the 17th of December, it has been three years since I started this blog. I am esteemed by all you who have joined me to read my rants and ramblings past and present. I know this year hasn’t been what I wanted to be; regardless of the trials life has bestowed upon me, let’s look back on 2014 at the footprints I’ve left behind.

January started at a troubling time, coming off the roller coaster ride of December 2013. I personally don’t want to get into the details but it was indeed a terrible time for loss and loneliness. At the time before, I thought my life could only get better and with the horizon clear I felt I could tackle this year until January hit. I felt I could slip away from my life and just never to heard again.

In February, I was still pining away after weeks. I decided to climb out the sadness with one thing that has stuck with me through this time. I went to the local game store to buy myself a Steam card and bought Banished, looked into some recording software I can download and then began to to hit record. The main goal in my head I wanted to do: share what I love to the world. And from where, that’s when I started to be more active on YouTube. Even though it was a small it, it started for me something to fill the void my past has left me. Like this blog, YouTube became a sanctuary from the emptiness.

Still unemployed running into March, I began to push myself to be out and away. With my video file sizes that kept my connection busy for days at a time, I used the time I have opened to myself to seek employment. And by seek, I mean puttering around with papers in my pack and pushing my name to be seen. From that month onward until September, it was filled with rejection letters and empty promises. I tried hard to find something, some work to help me forget for awhile the emotions I’ve felt and the loneliness I have to not endure.

April, May, then June. My Banished gaming sessions are behind me. I’ve learned to play the game and felt like the game was turning into a quagmire than an opportunity. With my situation, I couldn’t go to GameStop for a Steam card to continue playing the games I want. New direction: Indies games but free to play. Anything that I can download and play and I enjoyed it. There aren’t many  games out there but I know there are some games should deserve some representation. My golden rule when I looked for a game was to find a game where I liked playing and it wasn’t a popular one at this time. Old new or indie, these are the games I want other to give a shot at playing. Then I found it late June, Defiance. I spent probably the longest of time as of yet to flush out the story. Travelling the apocalyptic wasteland of San Francisco in a third person shooter for the entire month straight into August. I was hoping this would be a bit more drawn out so I could explore more and more of the world. By the end (for now), we had our moments and our dirty jokes; time to play in September.

As my channel gently grew from 2 subscribers to 28 (as of 20 December 2014), I’ve met a few people along the way. Some I liked playing like Ryan Howard and old faces like Allahweh who has been following this blog from almost day one. I met Ryan through shared interests into Pulsar: Lost Colony and I’m still holding it to him; when we’re available, I will switch on OBS and play with this guy. It’s rare to find gamers of similar interests, even more when someone is just as much interested as you are for the same game.

By October, some good news. First being employment. It isn’t much to start with but it will be enough for now. Putting time in the evenings as I upload video seemed pretty good. However after a couple days, I already realized my schedule will still be just as empty as it was before. On occasion, I would work and then there will be long moments where I would have a long time back behind my desk sending out resumes electronically or beating the pavement to find something to steady my schedule. Irony at the end of the month, I receive a second job. Even with two, I still have those days. With this small income, I still won’t be able to buy any games at all. Of course throughout the year I have considered in crowdsourcing a paycheque, but I doubt my popularity would get me a weekly paycheque to set myself up. Thus why I’m not self-employed. Regardless, I add a new game to my repertoire of gameplay, Interstellar Marines

November went past me very quick. My second job requires me to more active outside of my desk and chair, away from games. First time in a long while I felt I was professionally busy. I felt like everything is going so right with every deliberate action rather than the shambling motions early in the year. Between October and November, I got very involved with Interstellar Marines and Insurgency over the last 3 months, my content has been pretty much coming from these two indie games. Sorry, I like tactical shooters. Now, it’s December.

Over the past couple months, I have been uploading a bit more irregularly but I am still trying to keep my weekly blog updated. Regardless, YouTube over the year has been more of a side project to share games I like to play where my blog is a place to share my thoughts to the world. Either can do each other’s medium, but for me my blog helps me piece together the puzzle that is myself. Like my poetry, they are now a part of me and they are things for me to feel creative regardless how uncreative I truly am.

As for the future, 2015 is going to get busy so I am preparing for those days when I can’t be here. I accept the fact I haven’t found a way to automatically publish my videos on my gaming channel. So likely there may be a hiatus, however I am unsure if I can automatically publish prewritten blog posts. I’ll see if I can do this but in the end, it’s all about timing. I have to prepare for those moments or I will have nothing. Definitely I’ll still be here with my blog and if you are a gamer, you get a bonus on my YouTube channel.

Thanks for 3 years of WordPress and until next time, thank you for reading!


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