Over the past month, it has been a moments of up and down. There were days I felt demoralized and alone. And there were moments I felt calm and better than I was the moments before. As Christmas approaches, I feel a sense of mental fortitude should be necessary for the holidays.
Over the past decade, my body went through highs and lows. Not only the physical but the mental drive I had was slowed and then rebuilt. The toughest part about it was going at it alone. The hardships one can endure alone is the most difficult to overcome. The way I see it, loneliness in times of need is the bedrock bottom of any hole anyone digs for themselves. In the past year like many years in the past decade, I felt like I dug myself into such a hole while trying to climb out the darkness I’ve sent myself. Recently I feel I stopped digging.
With a job with me and hoping for more coming my way, I feel things are going upwards and outwards. Here staring at my ceiling, I reminded myself about the words that helped me through so much and has taught me to never give up. Find purpose. You see after struggling through so much in high school, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of myself. I never found a niche, never found what I truly wanted to do, I never found what I really wanted most for myself personally and professionally. Perhaps I never was meant to find something specific and maybe I was meant for more than an accountant, a technician or a labourer of sorts. Unlike video games, we aren’t given a difficulty selection; we play the game as it is whether it is easy or hard. There will be days when you can drift by like you can sit down and relax, then there will be days drawn out to where you want to drown it all out. Regardless, I have to play the game as it is on the knowledge and wisdom I’ve earned. I don’t know where this stage of my life will lead, but I will find my own way. Finding purpose to what I want to be maybe hard, then perhaps finding a purpose for the future is not my purpose. If I’m unsure what I want for the future, then maybe my purpose is here and right now. I should strive for something I want right in the moment and fight for it at this very moment.
I don’t mean getting food when I’m hungry or napping when I’m tired, but do something different and new. My life doesn’t seem to follow a path and it doesn’t have to as long as I can make my own. I’m getting old but I’m getting wiser with every experience I can expose myself towards and perhaps this is my purpose. Sure stumbling in the dark not knowing where to take a step is not what people feel comfortable with, but perhaps try. You will find yourself unafraid and a bit more confident in the dark. You will see something new, different, or see the dull things as interesting. Perhaps gain some respect and perspective on something you never thought yourself you could need, be or want. Finding purpose isn’t just a materialist or forward thinking idea, I think it’s more about being here in the present and exploring yourself and your surroundings. We should find some purpose in that and make our path.
Until next time, let’s be trailblazers together. Thanks for 3 extraordinary years on WordPress!