The past year hasn’t been the best year in my life. There were days I wish I had more time, less time, or wished to go back in time. Time – time is something special to me. As the world wakes and slumbers, I sometimes lay in the darkness thinking of time. As I stare into the black abyss, I spend time thinking of time; wasting time on time when I need time to sleep.
We found ways to measure time; we can make them feel like long durations or short fragments. We can count the days to the very seconds. Then there are moment; the moments where time doesn’t seem relevant but for some of us, we want more or less of them. For me, I’m bipolar on time; I am a bright optimistic yet heavy realistic.
Time realistically, does not stop. Objective and subjective, time can slow and speed up relatively but it will never stop. No matter how hard you want to hold on to those moments and live within them, time takes those moments away from you. We remember those moment; good or bad. We can try and remember as much as we can in those moments but in the end we’re not perfect; we forget but we try to hold on to those times. A day goes by, then a month, then a year; we still remember those moments. We relentlessly lament and struggle to hold on or let go. When we try and remember, time still moves on and forget the moment we have which is the here and the now.
In time and moments, we never count them even with our measures and standards. We can monetize time and we can ration time, but we hardly spend it the way we would like it. We use to for the service of others but never for ourselves. “How can we spend time ourselves?” That’s a question I don’t have specific answer to however I can only provide an insight. There are self-helps that tell you to enjoy life and love yourself and put away time for things you want to do. Cliché but true, life in essence the time we have until death; so if you are happy and enjoying life, wouldn’t that be time well spent?
Time can be very cruel, looking back on my own life there are things I wish I had more time for; even more time for those moments. Those moments where you wake up to a warm summer’s morning. Moments laughing, holding hands, loving and being loved; those moments where time doesn’t seem to matter but you want to last forever. By the end and in time, you wish for more things you could’ve done in those moments. And recently, I wish I had more time. I know people say “you are a young person, you have a lot of time.” I know they’re better liars than I am, no one has lot of time. We all have the same time, we are only lucky if at the end to have just a few more months or years. You will never have more than in your 20’s than in your 50’s and vice versa, whether we choose to measure it or not. In my mid 20’s, I wish I could have use my time better when I was 21 or 22, I wish I could’ve done things better in my mid-teen years. I wouldn’t spend it on working or learning, but just time to really put it where it matters. The moments. The moments we live and love, we live for and want more of because the next will never be the same as the moment before it. A moment of time can be a power thing, it can destroy you or build you.
I am not envious of those who work more than I do nor do I pity them for hours of labour everyday. Money is a motivator to spend time away from themselves. Time is as precious and sentimental as money, spend it well and it will reward you. In my own personal world, money should not be the main concern. Life is moving all around me to really worry about gaining material wealth. Of course I would like some wealth, but what’s the point of having wealth when you don’t have much life left in you to really go out there and spend? As a young guy looking ahead, I rather spend as much time as I can to enjoy my youth before I have little of it left. Spend it on worthy pursuits and then in time, perhaps find those moments. So when I grow old, I can look back and remember those moments and be happy for the time I spent to get there.
Until next time, we will never have a day like today…except for today.