nawkcire

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In Desperate Times


Lots of dark chapters in human history. There are some we seem to glance over, exemplify or never recognize its significance. Coming towards a crises as a mind species, we could easily reflect on our actions but legitimize the plans we make for the future. The Europeans though it would be nice to have a fast trade route to Asia and Hitler wanted Germany out of debt, how can we predict a good action from a bad action?

As a child and teenager, I was always told “If you cannot remember the past, you are doomed to repeat it.” Only a very few phrases have ever stuck to me to shape the person I would become. I took history as a class an course through my school so I remember those pictures, those written experience; to remember what humanity has done onto itself. The troubling fact is I don’t remember myself. I don’t remember my childhood all that well and frankly, the parts I do remember terrify me and have scarred me. When people reminisce about their upbringing and ask to share my tale, I have to resort to two actions. Should I lie or tell the truth? One hand it would sound believable while the other will sounds either irrelevant or even people think I made it up. Fact of the matter, it’s a choice to say either but only one is the solid truth. The truth is never the right nor wrong answer, the truth is simply itself. Right and wrong is a judgement call from a third party bias. We distinguish right and wrong from what other’s tell us is right and wrong. This is the basis of law, is it not? It is the institution of drawing the thinnest line between good and bad and gets people to ensure we all stay on one side of this line and to always respect the line. As thin as you can draw the line, the easier for it to fade away and we see that in many ways. Is it murder when you do it self defence? How about if you do CPR on someone and they die? If you pushed someone out of harm’s way and accidently touched the inappropriately, would that be considered sexual assault? We do have laws in place of the exceptions but in my opinion, even with exceptions it would be in some cases an unbelievable tale to tell.

Within those split seconds to react to protect other, what is the overriding factor? In which instances are we more inclined for self preservation or peer preservation? Say generically we a thief who stole from you, would you rather have him steal money, food or your possessions? For whatever you picked if you caught him and explained himself, would you believe they were stealing to support themselves or their family? Now place yourself in the thief’s position; you are caught and you tell them the truth, do you think they would believe you?

Over the past week, I have hidden a truth to the world. I am at the breaking point where I am re-evaluating all the fundamental principles I was born and raised with to hopefully legitimize my next action. Back into a circle where two phrases stay in my mind; “This is bad” because all I learned go against these actions, “I need this to survive” because my current situation doesn’t allow me to think conventionally anymore. I am at a crisis where I will have to toss the rulebook aside and do what I have to do to survive or I might potentially die. If these actions are taken, I could get in trouble and void the opportunities I want to have for myself but I would live to keep moving on. In my mind, I wasn’t given the luxury to think in a grey zone. It has to be black or white, yes or no, do or die. Even my actions my seem small compared to others, some will have the comfort of thinking outside of my situation and find me as a misfit, a person on the opposite of the thin line. No matter what I did or what I say, I will be guilty and consequences will be made for a small action I committed because I chose to live one more day to work towards a better future. In essence, death is the only “right” answer at the moment but to me it is “wrong” answer.

In desperate times, do I choose slow death or survival? By the book or out with the book? Civility or necessity? These are the questions I am facing, real consequences affecting me as person and member of society.

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