Portion control–Another thing I will never understand

[Lots of “frigging” “damn” words in this post.]

[Also edited to remove all the curse words, so kind of super late on this post…rage be raging.]

As usual when I go to the supermarket to pick up some food, I always see about 4 of everything. I find it disconcerting, some people have to be shown how to eat. I’m starting to wonder if they should start posting pictorial instructions on putting food in your mouth, chewing and swallowing. Okay back track a tad bit.

I was in the supermarket to pick up some food. Nothing really too major, just picking up some stuff resupply my freezer; precooked meatballs and such. An impulse came across my mind to pick up some chips (or crisps for my English readers), of course I acted on. So the dumbass as I am, I double back on my route to the aisle of junk food. Stocked with pop, energy drinks, candy and chips. I kid you not, this is the first time I really took notice. I saw more variations of the same soda than I ever seen since my childhood days. When I was a kid, there was only a few; iced tea, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, 7-Up, Sprite and root beer. Technically as a kid, that’s only 4; sugary tea, bubbly back stuff, bubbly white stuff and root beer. Now walking this 20-foot aisle, I see a whole lot more than just this. Aside from the traditional  “regular” and “diet”, I see a whole slew of products under the same brand like “zero carbs”, “diet zero carbs”, “sugar free”, “diet sugar free” and just to throw you people off – “diet zero carbs sugar free…now in cherry!” Of course I was aware of this awhile ago, but this is now I notice it’s getting out of hand. I took grade 12 biology and there are some things in these drinks that necessarily don’t change. For one thing, aspertame is a sugar substitute but still synthetic; meaning it will destroy you internally even if you still drink the stuff. I admit, I enjoy Coke Zero for the taste and well aware what artificial substitutes can do. That doesn’t even get to the bottom of my “do we really need this?” question.

So I don’t know about you guys but my supermarket puts the 24 packs on the bottom shelf stacked in nice 2×3 columns. As I look up  I see the cans, same deal except they’re in the six packs we all know and seen in those environmental documentaries with the floating can and the six pack O-ring things. Now just above those cans are these super tiny cans that fit about a third of the side of those cans. Grasping one of those cans you would totally notice it would be skinnier or it would fall out of your hand since it’s too damn small. Either case, the contents are about a third of the same six-pack below but not even a third of the price. Safe to say if buying by content, you would get your money’s worth buying the bigger can. Mind boggling is who would support producing these cans. What kind of audience are they trying to aim for? The tiny so they can look normal with a small can? Also by the look of the can, it’s still using about half the amount of materials so even if you chose to buy it, even by materials it would be cheaper to buy the “regular”. I stood there like a stupid guy that I am holding this thing for about a few minutes trying to think of who would buy such a thing. Like picture that for a minute, skinny Asian guy standing in the junk food aisle with a 1.5 kilogram bag of frozen meatballs in a basket and holding this case of cola that’s more expensive by volume than the bottle ; as you walk buy, he’s very damn deep in his mind wondering who on Earth would buy this. Of course I put it back and walked on to see if I can’t grab some munchies from dairy or somewhere else. I kept thinking of the same question as I walked throughout the store again (I’m an indecisive shopper…I guess) and came across the same damn thing. Pepperoni sticks, the large bag versus another large bag but individually wrapped sticks. Seriously, package-ception? I’m all for food preservation, but can’t afford getting a plastic zipper bag for the packaging? One of my favourite snacks is getting this and I believe they were one of the first, cookies. Serious, individually packed portions. I cannot honestly think who this is really geared towards to, I can’t…I just don’t understand.

If I wanted to package something myself, I’ll do it. Ziplock bags are about 5 bucks for a huge stack and as long you don’t come in content with meat, you can recycle them about a few more times. Like I still have a pack and it’s been about three years since I buy stuff in bulk. Vacuum seal? If you need it to be hermetically sealed, you have too much damn food or you’re a damn picky eater. I can eat the same meals over and over again with little to no variation. If steak was plentiful and damn cheap, that’s what I would sear up for every meal with a side of greens. Greens as in from the produce area and not in the freezer aisle (excluding peas, those little pricks are better frozen for the sake of convenience). This is how you know you have too much choice at home in the fridge; if everything is a small package of a bigger package at the store, you got too much damn choices. You need a ham for your sandwich, pick one and stick with it until it’s out. Need OJ? Buy the 5 litre jug and if anyone requests grape juice, tell them to get it themselves until this jug is done. Need milk? Buy the normal stuff you would buy; if anyone wants chocolate milk, buy one of those huge solid chocolate bars and grate that thing into the milk that way you get an additive AND a snack. That’s how you save space in a fridge, be the stubborn d-bag and make sure everyone sticks to it or they can get it themselves.

Of course you can ague, “oh, I just want a taste.” Well sir or madam, cola in a can is the same as cola in a mini-can. You might as well drink one and work it off; you don’t exercise? Well you don’t deserve a frigging treat, gotta work hard to get a treat. No trick, no treat. “But it fits nicely in my purse/pocket/backpack…” No, if you have read my post about pockets and backpacks; go read that and get yourself a reality check, I cannot understand how you cannot fit a can of coke if you at first don’t really need a can of coke. If you’re a diabetic, frigging candy is easier to carry. “Well, I’m not a diabetic and I just want something on the go…” Well, that’s why there’s a can; so you can pick it up and suck it down so you can go, I can down a normal can in 5 seconds flat. Five frigging seconds, max twenty if I sipped. Why on earth would you want something smaller that makes you feel as empty as you did before? One thing I do hate is people complaining about first world problems that don’t really affect anyone but themselves. Seriously, man up and buy the damn can and stop complaining how it will throw off your diet. If you want to be on a damn diet, less choices so you can focus on the running and exercise since there is no damn shortcut to be fit; never a damn shortcut for abs, arms and legs so move your body and not just your mouth.

Has anyone encountered anything else that’s portion controlled that you don’t really understand why it should be portion controlled? Comment down below, I want to go back to that frigging supermarket and stare at more crap.

If you excuse me, I got half a kilogram of pepperoni sticks waiting in the fridge.


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