I think everyone has written something pretty deep about themselves at one point that you will never see nor hear. It could be anything from a Grammy Award speech or a letter to an ex that will never be delivered. I think we’ve all done it at one point. But about something memorable and dignified. Not to express your ego but more to open up that last moment in a summary of your life.
Picture you on a hospital bed about minutes away from death’s doorstep. You have enough energy and strength to write one page, what would it be on that very page? A letter of regret? A long legacy? Maybe athe final touches to the will? During that particular moment if I had the time to fill in on a sheet a paper my final worldly words, I would be speechless.
I wouldn’t be sure what exactly would be at the very end since I have too much to say to the women in my life that inspired me to be a better man. Speechless goes to the people who pulled me through the worst and saw the best of me. Blanking from one person to the next knowing eternity is just beyond; the very page would be blank since there’s nothing I would put down to tell them how I feel. Even typed, I would be in awe of very little and so much I endured that the very few words I would put down would be as this:
“I was never an honorable, respected or even loved by all. Neither I am a hero or villian of my life’s story. Whatever be my fate for those believers and the horizon casting upon me, I know the world will be what it is as seen through my very eyes. My life as well in my death was as this – dignified.”
It wouldn’t even fill a page nor request how I wish to be buried but a cryptic yet solid view of the world around me as I lived it. Sure people would say “bury me under the maple tree as Silent Meadows” or whatever the final resting place may be; however I think there is no end, there is always life.
Though my eulogy would be approximately that very quote. I don’t think I would really would feel right to do so considering I have nothing to say except the regrets I’ve repressed over the years. I would consolidate on just a quiet place before burial. I know I may be way too young to think like this, but I’ve considered how everything in my life has been. I’m not quite sure how I would put it into words especially if I knew if I could get it off my chest.
Even as a short chapter to my memoir, I wouldn’t know how to put it into words that would convey all the emotions. Though if any advice I would give would be for someone young and in their teens discovering themselves and the potential they wield, I would only offer one for those who ended up in my position and are falling from such grace.
People always describe them as victims, but I feel compelled to disagree and believe they are the true heroes of their lives. There is no worse earthly evil except the emotional struggle of self. I have been there more than I could ever count and if I could I would save every soul, but acceptance and tolerance to understand is the best I could give to these soiled souls. To some see as a change, I see bravery. To some see a troubled person, I see a fallen warrior. To some see untimely death, I see “save me from myself”.
I might be in a dark moment in the sunlight right now. Looking back at the storm clouds and the debris I’ve left behind, I don’t want to run away; but to scream to those lost souls and guide them towards the calm bright end or what was a miserable and violent storm.
Wouldn’t you agree? Share a glimpse of those moments. Would you do it all over again knowing you can save one more person? Could have you imparted some knowledge of the world after to someone in need of such wisdom? I wish I could’ve or can if it meant one less in my position in my life.