Outdoor time…and seriously serious seriousness (worst alliteration ever).

I noticed since I started my anti-addiction campaign that I become a total shut in. I’m not too sure how long I’ve been inside the last couple months but I’m sure it’s about 2 of the last 90 days that I went out and that’s for appointments and such. Seems like all my me time is spent in my room days at a time just sleeping and doing random stuff. Well today, I think I’m going out and hit a mall and check out some video games or something. I’ve never really was a clothes shopper which sucks since the whole city is into clothes and it’s apparel.

To be honest I’m not hating clothes. Clothes are awesome especially in the cold weather. However I really have a pet peeve on jumping onto band wagons. Because sooner or later, I would be the hypocrite who sold his soul to fashion. Like I really don’t like brands since every time when I have to buy clothes at some place name brands or the popular spots, I keep thinking of all the underprivileged to shop in those places. And it’s not just the underprivileged; you know that insecure girl in high school you wanted to tell her that someone notices her? I keep of thinking of that girl and how she keeps trying to only have her heart broken. I know I can’t do anything but I feel so strapped in and muffled to only watch her to only hurt herself. Even worse that when I look into those places or even at a crowded mall, I see this universal face of hidden distress. I just want to write down the most sweetest things and stand in a middle of a food court with a megaphone and recite it in hope of mending her wounds. “No one can be Superman”, most of the people I met say. I say that’s not true, I just want to be a good person and help everyone. With all the problems in the world I can want to stop the pain, any kind of pain. I know we have those troubles we want to tell someone you trust and not be ridiculed, even I have that baggage, but I have no release to it. My burden just broadens to bridge my compassion and it seems like I want to do it. I’m really shy and I guess when the words come out of my mouth, I always look like an idiot. In time, I guess I will find that person I can tell  so I can feel better about it.

And that speech I want to shout to the whole world in hopes to touch the heart of that girl? Let me paint you a picture.

Scene, a busy average mall as walk down the promenade looking down reading my cue cards and under my arm hanging from my shoulders is a megaphone with a microphone attached. Walking by as serious as I can be, fast pace. People giving odd looks as I approach the food court or an open area with many people passing by. Taking the closest table or bench and standing up top. The squelching of the megaphone as I lick my lips followed by a deep breath. Then calmly looking around and remaining composed, these are the words I would speak.

“Look, I know you don’t me. My face may not mean much in your eyes. My background may be anonymous, but I could be anyone in your life you wouldn’t really expect. What I’m trying to do is to get your attention, so I can tell you how I feel about you. You’re beautiful, my dear. Those advertisements and TV commercials can convince you conflicted message; but know this, you are beautiful and no one has to judge you to tell you that. No one is perfect, sweetie. In fact, I love your little quirks. From that thing you do with you hair, to the music you secretly enjoy. Surely there are some negatives. Sure you cut yourself, look into the mirror at dawn and find yourself hating where you are, or you buy the clothes to please the remaining friends you are trying to hold on or gain their respect through sheer popularity. Deep down, you need to comforted, feel like you’re on top of the world when you through the worst days. Deep down; you’re afraid to be what you want to be because of ridicule. Deep down, I understand you need to reach out for attention. Darling, you have my attention. Ever since I laid my eyes on you I knew you will take your life to somewhere beautiful and wondrous. You made mistakes, some are as permanent are those cuts or the psychological trauma. I may be the guy across from you in class, the man in the elevator, the neighbour that you lived next to your whole childhood or just the friend that tried to push your false friends off to the side but only to be pushed in the back. But I had to take my chance here and now…I love you…I love you ever since I ever met you and I never know when it’s right to tell you or where. I know you don’t have to believe me, but do you believe in yourself? I want to be there to help you see it through. Be your companion on your journey, the person you can turn to when you’re confused, the Toto to your Dorothy. I want to be the friend you can always reach for when you’ve fallen deep into a hole because no matter how far you fall; I’ll hold on for both of us and never let you go. I know you will never tell me everything, but I’ll always be there when the time is right. Like I said, I can be almost anonymous in your life. I could be the the person that’s been around you all this time and you never noticed. But, I’ll be here babe…here for you.”

Then the microphone shuts off and normally step down and walk off like I haven’t said a single word. Hoping the words would heal those scars you secretly hide.

So much sadness in the world. I guess that’s why I associate clothes with sadness, especially the brand name stuff. Is that weird or what, eh? Quirks and quarks, it’s what we’re made of.

I’m going to make a to do list then probably ditch since I’m a horrible person at tasks. But I thought I would blog a bit to try and get some stuff off my chest. As always, comments and writing suggestions is appreciated. If you cried a little bit, get a tissue and wipe your eyes before you comment and suggest. Have a happy hump day, everyone!


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